Replies to '01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs'
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January 22, 2008, 11:56 pm PST
 Quote From: rubicon05 It just so happens that my best friend is engaged to a man who indulged in the swinging lifestyle with his last wife. They were married 22+ years and were swingers for the last 5 years of that marriage. What brought an end to that marriage?? Swinging. What began as a consensual agreement between married partners ended up a nightmare. Many swingers become so enmeshed within their fantasy life that they fail to function in real life without it. These "fantasies" that swingers hide behind are merely a justification for what amounts to sexual addiction at best, and mentally disordered at worst. My friends fiance opted out of the lifestyle and his x-wife chose to continue with many extra marital affairs to satisfy her addiction. The marriage ended because of this. If you asked him today, he would tell you how much he regrets his choice to swing. The definition of fantasy is described as such... You said it....affairs ended this marriage, not swinging! Cheating on your spouse is a problem in non -swinging relationships also! 'Swinging' is an activity enjoyed by both the husband and the wife, cheating is something you do without the consent or knowledge of your spouse!
Many swingers become so enmeshed within their fantasy life that they fail to function in real life without it. These "fantasies" that swingers hide behind are merely a justification for what amounts to sexual addiction at best, and mentally disordered at worst. Where do you get this information from? Is this fact or opinion? If it is opinion,what is the basis? I do agree that ANYONE who might have problems distinguishing between reality and fantasy does have a problem.
There is nothing wrong with "fantasy" and being able to share fantasies with your spouse IS healthy. However, "acting" upon it no longer qualifies it as a fantasy. #1I know many "non' swinging couples who are able to share deep feelings, thoughts, fantasies with one another, and they have very meaningful and close relationships with each other. That has nothing to do with sharing one's body with strangers. #2 It's about the willingness and ability to communicate openly and effectively. It's about respect, trust, and commitment. If you truly love your spouse. If you truly have fantastic intimacy... If your sex life IS and always has been awesome... If you have total respect and trust for each other.... it stands to reason that you should feel completely satisfied with your spouse and the life you've made together, and wouldn't have the need or desire to masturbate using an outsiders body. And no, this isn't from a religious stand point. It's from a purely clinical one. #1 You are correct...my husband and I 'are able to share deep feelings, thoughts, fantasies with one another' and we ' have very meaningful and close relationships with each other' and that has nothing to do with the fact that we occasionally share our bodies with (non) strangers. #2' It's about the willingness and ability to communicate openly and effectively. It's about respect, trust, and commitment. If you truly love your spouse. If you truly have fantastic intimacy... If your sex life IS and always has been awesome... If you have total respect and trust for each other.... it stands to reason that you should feel completely satisfied with your spouse and the life you've made together ' Agreed...should and do! But...what do you mean by 'masturbate using an outsiders body' ? mas·tur·ba·tion I take offense at everything in your last paragraph.... Responsible parenting should be the objective for all parents regardless of their sexual preferences. I think that children should be taught to respect the relationship between the parents and their privacy. That said...I know for a fact that most kids are snoops by nature. I have always kept my bedroom door closed and inside is a closet that is always locked. My hubby and I have always taken naked pics of each other and once long ago a video was made...all in the closet. Also in the closet is my laptop, any other objects related to our private lives and that is where I keep banking and credit records which I also consider private. This is how it has always been in our home , even before we began 'to masturbate using an outsiders body' Surely there are things that you keep private. I do not hide what I do, what we do...out of the context of sex it is not Necessary or prudent for anyone to know what goes on behind closed doors. The difference between secrecy and privacy is a matter of shame...I have nothing that I feel ashamed of. I sincerely hope you don't either.
Without picking apart your post piece by piece.... (I just don't have that kind of time, sorry.)
In short... for people to engage in the swinging lifestyle, it is necessary to stretch boundaries beyond the norm of human conditioning. That's not a guess, it is fact. Often times, serious personality disorders and/or sexual addictions are at the forefront of such sexual behaviors. Once these addictions/disorders are fed, they become habit. Just like any other "junkie" people will do whatever is necessary to get their "fix." In the case I stated, it most definitely was the swinging that ended the marriage. Why? Because the mere act of swinging blurred the lines between acceptable vs. unacceptable behavior. It stretched an already overly thin boundary to it's breaking point to satisfy an addiction.
As far as the masturbation statement...
When one engages in sexual gratification with another person whom they do not have an emotional and/or strong physical connection, it quite simply is.... nothing more than the act of using someone elses body for the purposes of maturbation. There is no true intimacy with a stranger, therefore it becomes nothing short of a sexual release. Much like a teenage boy thumbing through a Playboy magazine and masturbating at the images he sees. It is a purely mechanical behavior with the end result being sexual gratification. The same may be said of people who prefer to watch their spouses engaging in sexual activities with someone else. If you believe that you and your husband are using each other's bodies to maturbate with, then maybe you don't share as strong a bond with each other as you claim. If there is no difference in the type of sexual satisfaction/intimacy that you share with your spouse than with the strangers that you meet online or at some swingers club.... you have just proved my point.
Addressing the issue of children again... is your need for sexual pleasure so much more important than your children? Scenario: A friend of your child's stumbles upon information that you thought you covered up and hid behind locked doors. This friend decides to share said information say, at school for instance. Before you know it, your child is being ridiculed by schoolmates because of your choices. Is that fair??? I know, right now you're thinking,"that would never happen!" Yes, it most certainly can. It most certainly has. This is probably the least of bad things that could happen.
Where my opinions are based from??? Well documented studies of sexual addiction, as well as the DSM (Diagnostics and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.) The terms: sexual promiscuity/deviancy (including by not limited to multiple partners, orgies, etc.) impulsivity, obsessed with fantasies of unlimited sexual performance, etc. start to jump right off the page at you. It's all there in black and white.
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