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October 10, 2005, 9:53 am PDT
The worst part of infidelity...
Quote From: mrs_affairThank you for your advise. I'm finding out how right everyone is! Me and the OM got together a few days ago. Afterwards, he got really ugly to me because he got a sudden case of guilt. I've finally had enough. I've seen him several times since (our kids go to the same school) but have had the will not to speak to him. I'm still really sad and angry at him, but I know he is right. He asked me "what if your husband finds out? What if my wife found out?" What made me angry is why have sex with me and then get the guilt trip? He shouldn't be seeing me if he feels that way. He keeps coming over to me, smiling at me etc, but I've just ignored him. I'm really proud of myself for that, but not proud of what has happened. I guess what I need to know now is, is it possible to get on with my life like nothing has happened. I am very happily married no matter what anyone says. My husband dosen't suspect a thing. I know it was just something selfish I was doing for myself. I think I've had that "bored housewife syndrome". No one knows about the affair, but like you, I still think about him all the time. Maybe as more time passes, it will get easier to be without him. Is there other women out there who have had an affair, ended it and no one ever found out? I hope if neither of our spouses find out, no one else has to get hurt. I'm glad you have given up the affair. Have you figured out why you went into it to begin with? If you don't learn what triggered this response in yourself, you could fall prey to it again.
The worst part of it all is the way it changes your opinion of yourself. I was living with someone when I was younger, we were married for all intents and purposes. I found out that he cheated on me, so I turned around and did the same to him. I realize how childish that is, but at the time I was childish. We forgave each other, but it was never the same after that, and I hated myself. I now understand that my self-respect and self-image are worth more than somebody else's betrayal.
Do the soul searching it takes to get to the bottom of your motivations. You won't regret it and will be able to forgive yourself, which is the hardest thing to do.
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