Quote From: eternity65I just want to warn everyone who is already or is thinking about being a part of the lifestlye. I was in the lifestyle, very willing to do so, with my husband. We were involved with a couple where the male half became very interested in me for more than just swinging. He began to phone more than an average couple is suppose to, he started telling me that he loved me, then he wanted to meet with me without my husband even knowing about the meets. This was a major red flag. I told my husband about all of this. Well needless to say my husband and I are now seperated because of it. I didn't even step away from the marriage and I was honest with my husband through the whole thing. Now my family is torn apart. Both of my kids live with their father and I am alone. Although I have not lost any hope because everyday I pray that my marriage will come back together. So please, please be careful.
It's funny that your husband had no problem with you sharing your body with this other man, but the minute you reported to him that this man wanted to take this relationship beyond the physical and you responded by trying to put a stop to it, he decided to leave you. Was it because he was more invested in the other relationship then he let on and when you called a halt he wanted to continue to see the other woman and he is still involved in this relationship or was it because he was naturally insecure in your personal relationship and took this as a symbol of your infidelity.
So now you need to ask your husband to go to counselling with you and you can at least attempt to pick up the peices of your marriage. If he won't go then you need to go and figure out where you go from here and how to enter into a healthy relationship in the future. Hope is not going to fix what is broken in your life and until you find out why he felt so threatened by another man caring for you then you cannot move on.
I am not a swinger. My husband and I joke about our crushes on other people (celebrity or acquaintences) but neither one of us has ever acted on those and we never would. But sometimes we will dress up and role play to give us a boost from the ordinary and move our relationship to hotels ect so that we can act out a role. Swinging couples that want to "see" other couples and singles do so out of a desire to spice up their own personal relationship. But we are not animals without feelings and we are all vulnerable to petty jealousies and wants that can be more harmful to the couple and the other couples then we can forsee when we start out on a course of action. A lot of the couples that are swingers post that it is okay that sometimes they develop feelings for one or both people in another couple. That if this is handled in an honest and straightforward manner that you can strengthen your own relationship.
Maybe that is true but I have found that when you add sex and feelings to a relationship then you become a couple. And in every relationship there is only room for one couple and then a number of acquantences that you have a casual relationship with. If I found out my husband was having a sexual and emotional relationship with another person (man or woman) then I would feel cheapened and thrown aside for someone else. That is human nature. We form a bond and get married because we have a desire to be with this one person and the need to declare it to everyone. Too many people get married out of a desire to not be alone. No one should ever be trapped in a relationship because they would rather be ill treated by someone else then have to look at your own face in the mirror every morning. My aunt has had 8 marriages. She leaves because she is not "happy" and she is sure she will be much happier with her next partner. She has left devestation in her wake with ex-spouses, ex-children, ex-inlaws, ex-friends and always this new person will be better. Maybe swingers think because they are only having a physical relationship with the other people nobody gets hurt. And for them maybe this will work. Instead of getting divorced they spice up life with a new role playing act. But you don't know the other couple that you are "playing" with and what will tip this into a freefall. Maybe the wife is sure that you like the husband better and she starts a smear campaign against you, or your or their children find out which causes problems beyond anything you could possibly imagine. Every relationship can cause us to be hurt, so think carefully about every action because the future is so precarious.
