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ritehere
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October 10, 2005, 10:05 am PDT

You're in a tough position.

Quote From: lutt0031

Thanks for your response. I do not doubt that he loves her but is he in love with her. They have had two children together and a life together. There is a history there. I know he is scared to walk away. I do not doubt that he is in love with me. I'm not sure that that is enough though. His kids and wife are pulling him back in and the longer he doesn't see me the more likely it will be that he stays. The thing is that she is on best behavior for now but she'll slide back to her old ways and he'll be left feeling unimportant again. Why would he allow this to happen again?  

  

I also am left feeling very competitive. It almost feels like I lost and she won. I know I shouldn't think of it in those terms but I do and it's a horrible feeling. It makes me want to call her and tell her all the things he told me about her. Why he was with me...how much better I was than her. The bottom line is that he is home with her and not me and that just SUCKS.  

 Unfortunately, you're the one who is left out. No matter what he has told you though, remember that actions speak louder than words. "Bottom line is that he is home with her and not me." I think this may be your wake up call.

Try not to see it as a competition, because it's not. If you were to call her and tell her all those things, it would just make matters worse for you. He's allowing this to happen because he feels that she is worth it, and their family and children are worth it.

It's sad that you have allowed yourself to fall in love with this guy, and believe everything that he has told you. Don't beat yourself up about whether or not he was lying to you or not, I'm sure he meant every word of it while he was with you. Just like he means every word he tells his wife when she's with him.  The sooner you get a handle on the time you've wasted with him, the sooner you will be able to move on.
 
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mls2005
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October 16, 2005, 5:45 am PDT

Look at your title, "other woman"

Quote From: lutt0031

Thanks for your response. I do not doubt that he loves her but is he in love with her. They have had two children together and a life together. There is a history there. I know he is scared to walk away. I do not doubt that he is in love with me. I'm not sure that that is enough though. His kids and wife are pulling him back in and the longer he doesn't see me the more likely it will be that he stays. The thing is that she is on best behavior for now but she'll slide back to her old ways and he'll be left feeling unimportant again. Why would he allow this to happen again?  

  

I also am left feeling very competitive. It almost feels like I lost and she won. I know I shouldn't think of it in those terms but I do and it's a horrible feeling. It makes me want to call her and tell her all the things he told me about her. Why he was with me...how much better I was than her. The bottom line is that he is home with her and not me and that just SUCKS.  

I am very disturbed by your thinking in this situation.  What right do you have as the other woman to stick your nose where it doesn't belong.  First and foremost this marriage and the things that go on in it are none of your business.  This is not a competition.  This is a real life situation where the children will wind up a heavy price for your selfishness.  Why would you even want to be with a man who lies, cheats and manipulated to be with you.  If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you!  His wife and children are pulling him back for good reason.  You make the wife out to sound selifish, but all you know is what he's told you and that may not necessarily be the truth.  She may not have been the perfect wife, but I can assure you he was probably not the perfect husband either and that may have had a big influence on her negative feelings about him and the marriage.  There again, it is not your call, you really don't know what went on in their marriage, all you know  is what he told you and that may just be a big crock of lies!  Most men will do whatever, whenever and however to "get some" and is that the position you really want to be in??  How can you even begin to build a relationship that was started under lies and cheating?
 
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txgirl39
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July 7, 2008, 7:56 am PDT

The Other Woman

Quote From: lutt0031

Thanks for your response. I do not doubt that he loves her but is he in love with her. They have had two children together and a life together. There is a history there. I know he is scared to walk away. I do not doubt that he is in love with me. I'm not sure that that is enough though. His kids and wife are pulling him back in and the longer he doesn't see me the more likely it will be that he stays. The thing is that she is on best behavior for now but she'll slide back to her old ways and he'll be left feeling unimportant again. Why would he allow this to happen again?  

  

I also am left feeling very competitive. It almost feels like I lost and she won. I know I shouldn't think of it in those terms but I do and it's a horrible feeling. It makes me want to call her and tell her all the things he told me about her. Why he was with me...how much better I was than her. The bottom line is that he is home with her and not me and that just SUCKS.  

I'm sure you are feeling a lot of pain right now but trust me you would be doing yourself a great favor if you just moved on and found someone who is available to love you.

 

Married men who cheat always try to blame it on the wife at home. I guess they think that is more appealing than saying I cheat because I have no self control and I'm a selfish jerk.

 

I got involved with a married man who fed me all of his lies. He had been married 20 years, his wife wouldn't have sex with him, he's only staying with her because of the kids etc etc. Then one night he confessed that he also had a girlfriend. That was it! I told him I didn't want any contact from him and to leave me alone, he continued to pursue me . I eventually changed my cell number so he couldn't contact me anymore.

 

It just opened my eyes, it wasn't his wife. She is probably a wonderful human being. I feell sorry for her because she's married to a pig. I'm glad she isn't having sex with him bacause no telling who he has been with or  what diseases he's carrying.  

 

I guess all I'm saying is if he'll cheat with you he'll cheat on you. I'm sure his girlfriend thinks he's in love with her and he'll never cheat on her, but I'm willing to bet he already has the next one lined up!

 

Good luck to you. I know you'll make the right decision. Listen to your head and not your heart!   
 
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