Replies to '01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs'

I'm 23 years old. I've always had a weight problem. My parents have always been verbally abusive and my father is physically abusive. I started having sex and smoking pot when I was 15. I was raped at that age too. This started a long line of having sex with guys just because they wanted to have sex with me despite the fact that I didn't want to have sex with them. I've been told this is because I feel other people's feelings are more important than mine. I also figured that if I did what they wanted maybe they'd want to actually date me. My first relationship was my high school sweetheart and it was decent. I cheated on him with an ex of mine because the guy wanted to not because I really wanted to. That relationship ended shortly thereafter when he broke up with me. When I was 19 I met a 29 year old who already had a girlfriend. I ended up going out with him officially after they broke up. He beat me almost everyday and was verbally and sometimes sexually abusive to me. He eventually cheated on me and left me. My next relationship was when I was 21 with a 26 year old. He was verbally, sexually, and (a few times) physically abusive. In the beginning of our relationship I cheated on him much in the same fashion as the first boyfriend. He was enraged about it. I didn't know what it would lead to. He eventually started harassing me to have sex with other men. He'd harass me about it constantly and make me tell him stories of having relations with other men. If I didn't want to he'd threaten to leave me. He didn't want to be involved he just wanted to listen from the other room. His other main stipulation was that is be unprotected sex. So, I went along with it. I believe it was five different men throughout the course of our 11 month relationship. The worst time was when he brought me to see his friend and his girlfriend for the friend's birthday. He asked me to have sex with his friend before we even went down there and I told him no. Much like the woman I saw on the show today it made me feel degraded, dirty, unloved, sick to my stomach, etc. So, when we went to see his friends I wanted to go to bed early. My boyfriend then proceeded to scream at me for about two hours straight to "play cards with them." So, I finally gave in because I knew he wouldn't stop screaming at me and I knew he would break up with me if he didn't get his way. He broke up with me at least twice a week a few months into our relationship. That's one of the main ways he got me to do the things he wanted me to do. So, by playing cards he meant having sex with his friend whilst he had sex with the friend's girlfriend. It was the worst experience of my life. It went on for hours and was very physically painful. My boyfriend also performed oral sex on her and had unprotected sex with her. He kept saying he wanted to have sex with the friend's girlfriend but she didn't want to anymore. So, he got mad and decided he'd have sex with me since he couldn't have sex with her anymore. He then forced me to kiss him and perform oral sex on him after he had done those things with her. This went on for a few more hours. When he was finally done he went to bed. The next day I was bleeding and mentally tormented. We had an hour ride home and I cried the whole way home. He screamed at me that if I didn't want to do it I shouldn't have done it. Throughout our relationship I had sex with other men at his demand quite a few times but this incident was by far the worst. He didn't care what it did to me and figured I'd "get used to it" like the husband on the show. And, like the woman on the show I went along with it because I was terrified of losing him. Watching the show today made me cry and brought up a lot of terrible feelings. I just thought I'd post this to let people know what it can really do to someone.