Replies to '06/26 Teens Having Babies'

I read your post & if I did the math correctly you and I are about the same age.  I'm 55, soon to be 56.  First, I would like to say that I'm very proud of you for "stepping up to the plate" and working hard to be a good mother to your children.  Obviously you did a good job and you have success stories with your children to prove it. 

 

Yes, back when we were teenagers if you made a mistake & got pregnant you were pretty much expected to do one of two things - get married or give the baby, or babies in your case, up for adoption.  But if you remember, that was an era of much higher moral standards than we have today.  It wasn't commonplace to just have an abortion to negate your "mistake" and go on about your life as if nothing happened.

 

That being said, you chose to do "the right thing" and get married, and so did your boyfriend. Sadly that didn't last, but at least you both tried.  At least he was man enough to try.  Then when that didn't work, you did what you had to do.  You took responsibility for your actions and did the best you could do to provide for your babies.  I'm sure you made many untold sacrifices, but the rewards have come back to you tenfold. 

 

In my opinion that's the problem with young people today.  They make a mistake by getting pregnant, which as you well know is a huge mistake and I'm sure you felt that way at the time.  But instead of "stepping up to the plate" and taking responsibility for their actions, the girl runs home to mom & dad and expects them to support her and raise the baby.  And the boy runs home to mom & dad and merrily goes about his business as if its not his responsibility. And, many times the mothers of the young men blame the girl, "Well, she tricked him.  She got pregnant on purpose", such as the young man's mom on the show today.  Bull, its just as much his responsibility as it is hers.

 

At the risk of being rude, I liken it to dogs in heat.  The male runs into the yard & gets the female pregnant & then runs off to play with his buddies & thinks "Oops, sorry you're pregnant.  Well you have fun with that; its not my problem."  The female is then pregnant, looks to her owner for help and support, has the puppies, nurses the puppies and then its up to the female dog's owner to either keep them or find good homes for them.  All the while the male dog is happily going about his life, most likely getting other females pregnant, and the male dog's owner shares little or no responsibility in the situation.  Even if the male dog's owner is aware that their dog got the female pregnant, they don't feel they are responsible for taking care of the puppies; its not their dog.

 

I myself have raised 3 children - 2 boys and a girl ages 32, 28, and 21.  My middle child is the girl.  When they were growiing up I always cautioned them to take responsibility for their actions, especially their intimate relationships.  I made it clear that I had absolutely no desire to raise any more babies; I had already had all the babies I wanted.  I also made it very clear that if they made a mistake such as getting pregnant, while I would help and support them, they were going to take responsibility for their actions.  I always told my sons that if they got a girl pregnant, they would be just as responsible for raising that baby just as much as she was even if they weren't married. Well, so far so good.  My oldest is married and has given me a lovely 4 year old granddaughter, my daughter is single, and the 21 year old is still single, with no babies to take care of...we'll see.  lol 

 

Oh well sorry for the novel, but when I read your post & realized we were the same age I felt the need to reply & even though I don't know you, let you know how very proud of you I am.  Oh, and accolades to you for getting your GED.

 

Take care of you. 

I also was a teen mom who has been successful....  I had my daugheter a few weeks before my 18th birthday.  I married her father, and that relationship did not work out.  However, we were never on welfare, and my children are now grown, my daughter is an educated stay at home mother, and my son is Engineer.