Replies to '03/14 Overprotective Moms'

I'm jumping the gun and posting before the show airs.  I don't have to see it to know what will be said - I lived it, but not from my mom - my dad was worse. 

My philosophy was as long as my parents paid my bills, I was obligated to follow their rules.  That meant not going to the library without my sister. Not leaving the house without my sister. No dating. Who wants their sister on a date? My older brother was required to chaperone our oldest sister on her dates, and the resentment was huge because my father never once offered to pay for my brother and his obligatory date to accompany her.  Although there was 9 years difference between the 2 sets of children the attitude didn't change. 

My twin sister and I were required to room together in college, and if a parent called and one of us didn't know where the other was........   I was the dishonest one who lied to prevent the hysterics.  Once my sister was grounded with no car because I returned to the dorm room at 10pm after being on the interstate for 40 miles from visiting our older sister.  We were 21 years old and 3 months from graduating.  My father's attitude was "what if something had happened", and my response was "then you should take the blame for not believing you taught us to take care of ourselves - back off".  My sister didn't receive this treatment - she followed the formula of "daddy takes care of you until your husband does". 

I never told my parents when I was interviewing for a job after I lost the first interview because my father was in attendance.  He was afraid something would happen on the trip and insisted on going along for the ride.   

I moved 500 miles away for my second job, and he panicked when he found out at the age of 26 I booked my own flight, rented a car, survived the trip - and didn't tell him until after I accepted the job. I didn't even tell him I was job hunting.  I traveled to Manhatten during those days on business - but that didn't concern him - I suppose he thought a man accompanied me the entire time.   

I bought an answering machine with a remote the time I returned home from a weeklong business trip with a weekend layover to visit friends.  I was furious when the police came knocking on my door begging me to call home because he had been calling them every 3 hours the entire weekend afraid I had an accident and couldn't get to the phone. That was the first time I raised my voice at him.  No news is good news - his name and phone number were in my wallet in case of emergency.  His response was "what if you had a flat tire", and I yelled "And just what do you think you could do 500 miles away? I am supposed to call and wait for you to drive that distance? ". 

Then there was the time in my 30's when I went on a 15 day vacation - part being an 11 day cruise.  While I was gone there were a news cast about a cruise ship that had run into trouble.  Thank goodness a sister was present to remind him the ship was in the "wrong ocean" from the ship I was on.   

Enough of these scenerio's resulted in our not speaking the last 2 years of his life.  I have no regrets.  It was his problem.  He was too overprotective. He should have been proud to have raised a child who was self-sufficient instead of  his being so self-absorbed and selfish in trying to keep "life" from happening.  I once asked my mom why she and dad treated us in such a manner, and her response was "for your own safety".  I asked "and if you had an only child you would have locked them in a closet their entire life to protect them?".  It was cruel of me, and she didn't answer, but my point was taken - too late.  A parent needs to realize that things happen, and it isn't their job to prevent those situations, but to train their child to make decisions and then be there to help pick up the pieces and learn from the mistakes.  We don't learn life and mature from the good times - we learn and grow from the bad times, and it's easier when a parent doesn't judge but assists in that growth. 

Overprotective parents are doing themselves and their children no favors in their behavior. 

Isn't it ironic that when a spouse or other adult treats a person in this manner it is considered obsessive , stalking and grounds for legal action?  So why do parents think it is OK behavior?  It isn't. 

I'm jumping the gun and posting before the show airs.  I don't have to see it to know what will be said - I lived it, but not from my mom - my dad was worse. 

My philosophy was as long as my parents paid my bills, I was obligated to follow their rules.  That meant not going to the library without my sister. Not leaving the house without my sister. No dating. Who wants their sister on a date? My older brother was required to chaperone our oldest sister on her dates, and the resentment was huge because my father never once offered to pay for my brother and his obligatory date to accompany her.  Although there was 9 years difference between the 2 sets of children the attitude didn't change. 

My twin sister and I were required to room together in college, and if a parent called and one of us didn't know where the other was........   I was the dishonest one who lied to prevent the hysterics.  Once my sister was grounded with no car because I returned to the dorm room at 10pm after being on the interstate for 40 miles from visiting our older sister.  We were 21 years old and 3 months from graduating.  My father's attitude was "what if something had happened", and my response was "then you should take the blame for not believing you taught us to take care of ourselves - back off".  My sister didn't receive this treatment - she followed the formula of "daddy takes care of you until your husband does". 

I never told my parents when I was interviewing for a job after I lost the first interview because my father was in attendance.  He was afraid something would happen on the trip and insisted on going along for the ride.   

I moved 500 miles away for my second job, and he panicked when he found out at the age of 26 I booked my own flight, rented a car, survived the trip - and didn't tell him until after I accepted the job. I didn't even tell him I was job hunting.  I traveled to Manhatten during those days on business - but that didn't concern him - I suppose he thought a man accompanied me the entire time.   

I bought an answering machine with a remote the time I returned home from a weeklong business trip with a weekend layover to visit friends.  I was furious when the police came knocking on my door begging me to call home because he had been calling them every 3 hours the entire weekend afraid I had an accident and couldn't get to the phone. That was the first time I raised my voice at him.  No news is good news - his name and phone number were in my wallet in case of emergency.  His response was "what if you had a flat tire", and I yelled "And just what do you think you could do 500 miles away? I am supposed to call and wait for you to drive that distance? ". 

Then there was the time in my 30's when I went on a 15 day vacation - part being an 11 day cruise.  While I was gone there were a news cast about a cruise ship that had run into trouble.  Thank goodness a sister was present to remind him the ship was in the "wrong ocean" from the ship I was on.   

Enough of these scenerio's resulted in our not speaking the last 2 years of his life.  I have no regrets.  It was his problem.  He was too overprotective. He should have been proud to have raised a child who was self-sufficient instead of  his being so self-absorbed and selfish in trying to keep "life" from happening.  I once asked my mom why she and dad treated us in such a manner, and her response was "for your own safety".  I asked "and if you had an only child you would have locked them in a closet their entire life to protect them?".  It was cruel of me, and she didn't answer, but my point was taken - too late.  A parent needs to realize that things happen, and it isn't their job to prevent those situations, but to train their child to make decisions and then be there to help pick up the pieces and learn from the mistakes.  We don't learn life and mature from the good times - we learn and grow from the bad times, and it's easier when a parent doesn't judge but assists in that growth. 

Overprotective parents are doing themselves and their children no favors in their behavior. 

Isn't it ironic that when a spouse or other adult treats a person in this manner it is considered obsessive , stalking and grounds for legal action?  So why do parents think it is OK behavior?  It isn't. 

I'm jumping the gun and posting before the show airs.  I don't have to see it to know what will be said - I lived it, but not from my mom - my dad was worse. 

My philosophy was as long as my parents paid my bills, I was obligated to follow their rules.  That meant not going to the library without my sister. Not leaving the house without my sister. No dating. Who wants their sister on a date? My older brother was required to chaperone our oldest sister on her dates, and the resentment was huge because my father never once offered to pay for my brother and his obligatory date to accompany her.  Although there was 9 years difference between the 2 sets of children the attitude didn't change. 

My twin sister and I were required to room together in college, and if a parent called and one of us didn't know where the other was........   I was the dishonest one who lied to prevent the hysterics.  Once my sister was grounded with no car because I returned to the dorm room at 10pm after being on the interstate for 40 miles from visiting our older sister.  We were 21 years old and 3 months from graduating.  My father's attitude was "what if something had happened", and my response was "then you should take the blame for not believing you taught us to take care of ourselves - back off".  My sister didn't receive this treatment - she followed the formula of "daddy takes care of you until your husband does". 

I never told my parents when I was interviewing for a job after I lost the first interview because my father was in attendance.  He was afraid something would happen on the trip and insisted on going along for the ride.   

I moved 500 miles away for my second job, and he panicked when he found out at the age of 26 I booked my own flight, rented a car, survived the trip - and didn't tell him until after I accepted the job. I didn't even tell him I was job hunting.  I traveled to Manhatten during those days on business - but that didn't concern him - I suppose he thought a man accompanied me the entire time.   

I bought an answering machine with a remote the time I returned home from a weeklong business trip with a weekend layover to visit friends.  I was furious when the police came knocking on my door begging me to call home because he had been calling them every 3 hours the entire weekend afraid I had an accident and couldn't get to the phone. That was the first time I raised my voice at him.  No news is good news - his name and phone number were in my wallet in case of emergency.  His response was "what if you had a flat tire", and I yelled "And just what do you think you could do 500 miles away? I am supposed to call and wait for you to drive that distance? ". 

Then there was the time in my 30's when I went on a 15 day vacation - part being an 11 day cruise.  While I was gone there were a news cast about a cruise ship that had run into trouble.  Thank goodness a sister was present to remind him the ship was in the "wrong ocean" from the ship I was on.   

Enough of these scenerio's resulted in our not speaking the last 2 years of his life.  I have no regrets.  It was his problem.  He was too overprotective. He should have been proud to have raised a child who was self-sufficient instead of  his being so self-absorbed and selfish in trying to keep "life" from happening.  I once asked my mom why she and dad treated us in such a manner, and her response was "for your own safety".  I asked "and if you had an only child you would have locked them in a closet their entire life to protect them?".  It was cruel of me, and she didn't answer, but my point was taken - too late.  A parent needs to realize that things happen, and it isn't their job to prevent those situations, but to train their child to make decisions and then be there to help pick up the pieces and learn from the mistakes.  We don't learn life and mature from the good times - we learn and grow from the bad times, and it's easier when a parent doesn't judge but assists in that growth. 

Overprotective parents are doing themselves and their children no favors in their behavior. 

Isn't it ironic that when a spouse or other adult treats a person in this manner it is considered obsessive , stalking and grounds for legal action?  So why do parents think it is OK behavior?  It isn't.