Replies to '10/14 "Kick 'em to the Curb!"'

Are you sitting there getting mad because he is playing the games?  What you doing with you life while he is playing.  Why wait for him to take you somewhere.  Pack up the kids and go to the park or what ever.  There are so many things that you can do that don't cost money.  My husband gets distracted with the computer.  A new program so forth.  All men like their toys.  Which is fine.  But it needs to be limited.  You have to teach the kids that the games are not everything.  If everyone is just sitting around watching dad.  What does that teach them.   I distract my husband.  Come up behind him and hug him, nibble on the neck, what ever it takes when he is engrossed in the computer.  If I just ask him to get off it does not work.  But you can not get as engrossed in getting upset about him as he is in the games.  He will either keep playing the games or join you.  Either way you are having fun and getting your mind off of his game playing.   

My husband and I are in a community band.  We go once a week just to keep our minds off of other things.  You don't have to play to be in a band and have it to consume you.  There are local bands and things that just meet every once in a while.  It is a wonderful way to have fun and not spend money.   

If he likes games go bowling with the family.  I don't know.  There is no answer.  It is all in what you want to do with life.   

See, even if you divorced him and left him.  What are  you going to do?  What would he be doing?  I bet he would be on-line and so forth even more.  Every time you go to do something.  Like take a walk in the mall.  Invite him..  While you have a chance to get out of the house, at least so is he....  Evey time I go some where I have to let him stop in the computer section.  I go look at other things.....  And he is happy.  Most of the time I make it clear he can look he just can't buy.....  And he is fine with that.  We have an agreement that if something is more than $40.  We ask the other person if it is alright to get it.  So once a month he does get something.  I think it has given him incentive to spend more time deciding what he wants and a few more trips out....  So it gets him out of the house....  I may have to rent a so called guy flick once a month.  (Sports, action pack, so forth) and sit and watch it with him in order to get his time.   

So why be alone.  Go to a friends house, go walk around the neighborhood.  I don't know? But it is all up to  you........   He is in control of you and the games.  While he is playing, he is keeping you in the house as well.  Go to the gym anything.   Just find something that you can enjoy as well.  Not just watching him play.............  You local parks and recreation usually offers classes in different things for just a few dollars.   It is sad that you know exactly how many hours he has spent on the game.  I don't know what he played in the band.  Maybe you could learn it and play with him.....  No one has the answer but you...  You just have to figure it out......   

Best of luck...... 

Why don't you play games with him? My husband I play Halo 2 all the time online. Granted, he plays more than I do, but you'd be surprised how many females there are who game on a regular basis. Does he play Halo 2 on Xbox Live? If so, you could hook up with my husband and I and play. It doesn't matter if you are any good, it is about spending time with him. As they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I personally love playing video games and 59 hours is nothing. We frequently pull all-nighters on the weekends. There is a great all-girls clan you can join called PMS that usually plays SOCOM (on PS2) and Halo 2 (on Xbox). I can put you in touch with some of the ladies from there. Also, I have a club on www.1up.com called gaming mommies that is specifically for mother's who like to game. Believe it or not, 90% of the e-mails I receive on there are from 13-17 year olds asking how they can get their mothers to play video games with them. You should really just try to get into it. Look at it this way, some people like to curl up with a good book to unwind and escape the pressures of everyday life. We gamers prefer sniping people in the back of the head. My gamertag is Rakul Hakul and hubby's is Lt. Stegator if you want to get online with us some night. 

Seriously, try asking him if you can play with him. I didn't used to like the online games until I realized how much time my husband spent on them. So, one night, I just said, "Hey, mind if I join." We've been gaming together ever since. I still am not so good, but its the time together that counts. Remember, the family that plays together, stays together. 

Hi there, 

I am hearing that you are feelin' left out, ignored and second best to video games.  I probably would feel the same way.  I like what others said, get out and find your own hobbies, maybe try playing with him.  Show him your interested in him by being interested in what he likes.  You may dislike video gameing, maybe this is a scarifice you need to make to spend time with your hubby.  I am not saying  playing as much as he does, some would be good. Maybe that void would be filled.   

Spending your energies on clocking his playing time and waiting for his attention is self distructive.  Try having a very serious talk with him using ONLY I STATEMENTS!  If you feel unheard, right him a letter put it in his lunch box and let him read it on his time.  Hopefully things will work out for you.  :) 

Hi! I'm new to this too.I have the same problem you do, my boyfriend of 8 years works 40 hrs. a week and EVERY waking moment at home his on his computer playing those games,I also kept track of his hours spent on it,and I have also tryed talking to him telling him he's ignoring me and our 7yr.old daughter.He's also addicted to gambling,we fight over money all the time,bills are unpaid,etc.Yesterday was pay day rent was due,I picked up the phone to call our landlord to come get the rent,he took the phone and hung it up,I asked him why he did that,know response,than I said whats going on,he replied with,(I"M sick of your s#*% you can have the house and our daughter I'm moving to Texas with my brother)I'm in shock!! Saying to him what did I do???The thing is he's the soul bread winner,I don't work so I'm freaking out thinking what am I gonna do.He's 49 yrs. old and our Daughter is his first,it's so sad seeing him pay all of his attention to his computer games and totaly ignoring her and I.It's like his body is here but his heart,mind,soul,spirit is some-where else.Through these last 8 years I have sufferd physical abuse,mental abuse,and emotional abuse pretty much non-stop.He threatens me ALL the time with the money,kicking me out or leaving.It's all a game of control and attacking me when he's done something he should not or is about too. He will pick a fight over stupid things when he's gonna do something wrong such as blow our rent money on gambling.He procrastinates real bad too which causes problems.He was on vacation one week,our Daughters bike needed fixed,it took him 4 days to fix it,and alot of me asking daily.I looked up some things on the computer,Passive-Agressive for one,he fits all of it,P/A personality is so hard to live with,you feel NO peace in the home,they play mind games.Anyway thats part of my misrable life.I feel so much for ALL the women who go through ANY kind of abuse,seems like theres alot of it going on these days,my girlfriends call or stop over telling of their storys with their other half.I just don't understand why it appears to be an epademic of men being so cruel,demeaning,cold,selfish,etc.etc.Maybe Dr.Phil should have a show on it,take a poll,something is wrong with the males in our society any more,seems as if they have lost all site of what love,family and life is really about and what it takes to make things good for all involved.My older Daughter who's 26 says to me (Mom I will never love a man again,she says women are so much more sensitive,careing,avalible,etc.)Don' t get me wrong I know theres sensitive,loving, kind men out there,theres just not enough!!!! Worst part is,it effects the children as well,it's hard to be a patient  Mommy when your suffering inside all the time,looking for answers and a way out!!!! I could never understand why so many women stay with abusive men when their independent,if I was independent I would run yesterday!!!!!!!!!! GOD BLESS TO ALL THE WOMEN and CHILDREN IN OUR WORLD WHO SUFFER FROM ABUSE FROM THE MAN THEY AND THEIR CHILDREN LOVE!!!! HUSBAND!! DADDY!! NEIGHBOR!! STRANGER!! AND HATS OFF TO OPRAH WHAT A WONDERFUL WOMEN SHE IS!!!!!!!!! Like she said they need to be put under the jail.ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!WERE ALL SICK OF IT!!!!!! She has wings,she's our Angel!!!! GOD BLESS!!!!!!!! 

Dr.Phil is our Angel too!!!!!  

I think it is easy to say "if you cant beat him, join him".   Too easy. There is a problem here, it isnt the next door neighbor's. It isnt mine. It's aintaho's and she needs something that will work in her situation. If she starts playing games with her husband then what happens to the kid(s) do they too have to do a "Tommy" (re rock opera "Tommy")? To get away from something like computer gaming, which has got to be satisfying SOME kind of need for this guy, it would help if the alternatives were at least, MORE enticing. After reading the post I wonder if this guy would even notice if suddenly he was alone, in his own little world. The shear number of hours weekly and monthy are mind boggling! I have no doubt either that the hours spent on this didnt go from zero to 60 overnight. And that each racheting up and up of the hours over time without a line being drawn also communicated to the increasingly ABSENT husband that it was okay and that he could get away with it, with impugnity. Or at least the protestations remained below the 'tolerable' threshold. You now have a situation that has grown to the point that you're trying to correct it with a teaspoon when major earth moving is called for. In other words be ready for a major long term effort/battle. Get help! Show him the letters you've gotten on the board. Look for the best from him and HOPE for the best. good luck. 

mm 

I could have written this.  I have been married for 13 years,  my husband has spent the last five on his pc.  I miss him.  The kids are missing out on knowing him.  He use to do things and had friends.  Now he spends all his free time on the pc,  its sad.