Replies to '02/06 Pill Popping Twins'

Dear "inthesquare", AND ANYONE ELSE THAT ISN'T SURE,
Please! Don't listen to this idiot! If you feel in your heart that there might even be the slightest chance that this is becoming a habit in your life, or becoming a negative aspect in any way - talk to someone! PLEASE! 
Let me tell you a story about myself - I am a 35 yr old mommy of 3 beautiful children, I stay at home to raise them and i paint murals and furniture in children's rooms for part time income. I have NO drug or alcohol dependence in my family on either side. I have never even seen pot, coke, or any illegal drug in my life - I did not party as a young adult. I do not drink at all! But I am an addict. I did not put myself in that position, but that's where i ended up. I have been suffering from migraine headaches since I was 16 yrs old - so bad by the time I was in my late 20's that i would black out cold from them. They came at random and would last for days. Since I was 16 I had been given oxycodone pills to stop the attacks. I used the oxy on an as needed basis for over 10 years with no sign of habit. I never even increased my dosage. So me becoming a drug addict was the furthest thought from any who knew me! If I was going to be an addict, it would've happened already! UNTIL - During my 3rd pregnancy i experienced headaches so strong and frequent that they kept sending me in to labor. I had been early with both of my previous pregnancies - so this was not a good thing. Unfortunately - the only thing my doctor and neurologist could do for me was to give me more pain medication. I didn't get it, but supposedly it was the only thing safe for the baby. I'm sure they saw it as low risk since I had been using it for so long with no implication of addiction, but I guarantee you that if they had said to me.... 'if you take this on a regular basis you will be physically addicted to this drug in less than 2 months' , I NEVER would have agreed - but then again, what other choice did I have? So after 8 months of taking oxycodong 4 times a day - sure enough, my body was physically addicted to it. After I had the baby, the headaches didn't change so they sent me to a pain clinic. That doctor told me that there were LOTS of people who have to deal with chronic pain that get their lives back with ongoing use of pain medication - so if I was able to function on the drug, then what was the problem? I gave in because I could not function without the drug in my system anymore. Lets remind you that i just had my 3rd child!!!!! In my opinion now - this doctor should have his license away!!!!!!! I continued on for 2 years, the doc constantly uped my dose because I felt withdrawl more and more as time went on. My life turned in to a continuous rollercoaster of highs and lows. We are talking the ultimate high - superwoman! and the ultimate low - total crash in withdrawl. I would sit in the shower until those drugs would kick in at least 3-4 times a day and then when it would kick in, my kids had their mom back all happy and energetic - but only for the next 31/2 hours. I started to know in my heart that this was so so wrong! I even asked my pain doc if he felt I was addicted and he told me NO. WHat an ASS! Hell yes I was addicted! Then I started to hate myself for what I was doing every day so I started taking more than my dose to feel better (this was only the last 3 months of use) and forget my true instinctual feelings! I was most definitely a drug addict!
It was the oprah show that actually finally pushed me to save my life! I saw a show about mom's who were buying pain drugs off the internet, stealing them, etc.. and they looked like normal mom's, just like me! I started listening to my inner voice! It was time. It took me 2 months of talking myself in to it - but i finally marched my butt in to an addiction clinic! It was a LONG road! I still had pain, but I knew I was doing the right thing, for me and my kids. I found a doctor that used the suboxone program. I had to withdrawl from the pain meds for about 18 hours before I could start the suboxone, but once I took the first dose of it all the withdrawl symptoms went away. I have been off of pain meds for over 3 years now - but I admit that I am still taking subutex now. (subutex is just the buprenorphine in suboxone, it doesn't have the noloxone in it because my doc is confident I am not going to shoot up or take any drugs while I am on the subutex, if you look up the site it tells about the 2 variations of the drug). I need to and want to stop taking the subutex soon - but right now I am going thru some extremely stressful problems with husband and for safety sake I fell safe being on the subutex because it keeps me from looking for any type of stress reliefe that I shouldn't be doing! It is a maintenance drug that stops any cravings, you can take for 10 days or 10 years. It does not make you high, it does not make you forget your problems, it does nothing but block cravings. True, there are some total idiots out there that abuse the drug, I have no idea how, but I know they are out there! But I see an addiction doc once a month and follow my treatment to the T! I have seriously changed my life around! I have even been able to get rid of my headaches through homeopathic measures instead of any drugs! I do still have some pain issues head wise here and there, but definitely something I can handle! I am proud of myself! and I also know that even though I didn't choose to be in this situation, I am and always will be an addict. It is not a bad word, it is a condition. The only time being an addict is a bad thing is when you ignore that you are and use! Admitting it is the first step and the last step!
So again - if you have any thoughts that your pain meds are getting out of hand or becoming a negative factor in your life, just go talk to an addiction therapist! They won't label you and they won't make you do anything! Your life is your choice - but it's also yours to live! Don't live in denial or in secret! It's just too short to waste!
AS for this idiot who told you that you aren't abusing the meds because you get it out of a prescription - he's the same type of mentality that my docs were in - BLOCKHEADS! He or she has probably never been in our situation and has NO right to tell you what he/she thinks is right for you!

On a note about the twins, I really hope you get help and make it through your treatment. I know you have something in your gut telling you that your life needs to be different! You will be so proud of yourselves when you come out of this - and so will everyone that loves you! You can do it, just constantly remind yourselves who you are doing it for - yourself and your children! God will help you with the rest!

I am a recovering drug addict. I became that way from taking prescribed medications. I never bought them from street dealers. i was well aware of their addictive qualities as I know my Doctor was.

 

I started on a relatively low dose of oxycontin 3 years ago, when that stopped working to ease my pain the doctor  upped the dose i was suppervised closely. The upping of the dosage continued until I was at the max. i almost overdosed once taken by ambulance to the hospital. That is because I had forgotten how much I had already taken.

 

You see these pain pills slowly take away the spirit and person that you are, and you are just left a shell.

 

I was also on an anti anxiety medication ; extremely addictive especially when you can't sleep because of the pain.

 

Please don't think that because you are prescribed pain medication that you are not addicted, heres a test just try not to take them for a day or two and see what happens to you.

 

I know, it will be the start of detox of your body and its need for that drug. It happened to me, but now I am clean since December 10, 2007 ,not long I know but i will never ever use pain meds again .I sought help for my pain and I am now walking everyday enjoying life even with its pain, and i swim whenever i can. I know that I can never do all of the things in a day that I used to and I wish my house was cleaner, i was a neat freak.

 

I lived in what I would call a dead state for 3 long years afraid that not being on these pain meds and anti anxietys would destroy me, when in fact the opposite was true.

 

I look at my pain as a testiment to human strength and endurance, I want to live long, medicating myself was killing me ! not the pain. Please seek alternative measures to control your pain and be gentle with yourself.

 

Nobody cares if your house isn't clean, but they will care when you die and are no longer there to visit.

 

Pain allows you to know that you are alive, I know that sounds simplistic but try to see the value in that.

 

sincerely a person that cares.

 

it is the quantities that scare me. i am taking 300 oxycontin 40mg  10 a day and 10  10/325mg a day, there alot of times that i run out because  of the length of time i have been taking them. i also take soma  and xaxan for anxiety, people us to wonder how i use to get to work and from work, most of the time i make no sence. i have fallen asleep outside having a cigerette and my son has had to bring me in the house because i wont wake up, so i guess i didnt tell the whole story. i guess people who use drugs rx or not can be pretty sneeky people. thanks for your letter