Replies to '07/21 Lies and Betrayal'
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February 10, 2008, 11:42 am PST
 Quote From: waihini1 OMG! This subject is near to me and my home. I too married the grand faker- he did all the "right things" when we met, dated, were engaged and the first year to almost 2 yrs we were married, then close to our 2nd anniversary, he warped into someone I didn't recognize. He became distant and cold towards me, all romance halted except for the sex, of course he still wanted that (back then anyway, not now). All the cards he sent, be it ecards or real ones stopped, he didn't want to take me on 3 vacations a year, but now it was down to ONE and it was always some place HE wanted to go, I had no say in it. I found various "clues" that pointed toward him cheating but never could really prove it totally, it was just an insidious feeling that hung in the air between us. He has his own cell phone and got calls in the middle of the night, one time I got into his voice mail and found some female voice left a message that said, hey sexy, I miss you call me soon. I confronted him about this message and he claimed he had NO idea who that was and no he wasn't cheating, BUT from that time on he made damn sure he turned his phone off at night, hid it from me and if it was visible he deleted all the call history on it, so I didn't see who he was calling or who was calling him. I have tried over and over to communicate with him about problems that I see we have, tried to get him to counseling with me too (he went one time then refused to go again as "he didn't have any problems and didn't need to go". Each time I tried to tell him of my unhappiness, he would turn things around on me, and make it sound like I was crazy or he would get mad and tell me he is going to divorce me. This has been going on now for almost THREE yrs. I cannot keep living like this, this man behaves like he hates me not loves me- he ignores me most of the time he is home, the other times he acts all nice nice so he can manipulate me into giving him sex once a month! I am not allowed to see my family and have to spend time with his family constantly- they come first in his life, always will and I am not considered part of this family unit, nor are my children or grandchildren by this man All I can say to you is leave if you can as things will only get worse and you will only get more and more unhappy. I agree that anyone in your situation should leave if they can, but apparently you can't. Why? You say you can't live like this anymore and I totally agree with you (nobody should) so start making plans, engage some friends or family members to help you come up with a workable solution. Life doesn't have to be so miserable and you deserve better. please get going! |
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February 10, 2008, 12:50 pm PST
Quote From: waihini1 OMG! This subject is near to me and my home. I too married the grand faker- he did all the "right things" when we met, dated, were engaged and the first year to almost 2 yrs we were married, then close to our 2nd anniversary, he warped into someone I didn't recognize. He became distant and cold towards me, all romance halted except for the sex, of course he still wanted that (back then anyway, not now). All the cards he sent, be it ecards or real ones stopped, he didn't want to take me on 3 vacations a year, but now it was down to ONE and it was always some place HE wanted to go, I had no say in it. I found various "clues" that pointed toward him cheating but never could really prove it totally, it was just an insidious feeling that hung in the air between us. He has his own cell phone and got calls in the middle of the night, one time I got into his voice mail and found some female voice left a message that said, hey sexy, I miss you call me soon. I confronted him about this message and he claimed he had NO idea who that was and no he wasn't cheating, BUT from that time on he made damn sure he turned his phone off at night, hid it from me and if it was visible he deleted all the call history on it, so I didn't see who he was calling or who was calling him. I have tried over and over to communicate with him about problems that I see we have, tried to get him to counseling with me too (he went one time then refused to go again as "he didn't have any problems and didn't need to go". Each time I tried to tell him of my unhappiness, he would turn things around on me, and make it sound like I was crazy or he would get mad and tell me he is going to divorce me. This has been going on now for almost THREE yrs. I cannot keep living like this, this man behaves like he hates me not loves me- he ignores me most of the time he is home, the other times he acts all nice nice so he can manipulate me into giving him sex once a month! I am not allowed to see my family and have to spend time with his family constantly- they come first in his life, always will and I am not considered part of this family unit, nor are my children or grandchildren by this man All I can say to you is leave if you can as things will only get worse and you will only get more and more unhappy. Dear Waihini 1, As I read your story, it was so familiar and I thought that you were writing my story. I can surely relate to you and your troubles. PLEASE, GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN. You are being VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED ON A DAILY BASIS. I too suffered the emotional pain and hung in there for TOO DAMN LONG. It is CRAZY MAKING. We aren't crazy, we keep trying to make it better and it won't work. Take it from me, I lived it for over 18 years. It doesn't get any better only worse. I caught my husband cheating both times with cell phones. He got careless and I know one girlfriend is married and likes her drinking too. The other 2 I didn't know. Yes, that's right, he couldn't be true to them either. He was balancing 4 women at a time. No wonder he had a mild heart attack. I am looking forward to a brighter future. It takes time to heal. I'm still working on it and I see a therapist every other week. She has helped me tremendously. Waihini 1 stand your ground and get out from under his CONTROL AND MANIPULATION. I wouldn't have sex with him, he could be giving you a terminal disease. Be careful. horsegrama |
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February 11, 2008, 9:11 am PST
Quote From: waihini1 OMG! This subject is near to me and my home. I too married the grand faker- he did all the "right things" when we met, dated, were engaged and the first year to almost 2 yrs we were married, then close to our 2nd anniversary, he warped into someone I didn't recognize. He became distant and cold towards me, all romance halted except for the sex, of course he still wanted that (back then anyway, not now). All the cards he sent, be it ecards or real ones stopped, he didn't want to take me on 3 vacations a year, but now it was down to ONE and it was always some place HE wanted to go, I had no say in it. I found various "clues" that pointed toward him cheating but never could really prove it totally, it was just an insidious feeling that hung in the air between us. He has his own cell phone and got calls in the middle of the night, one time I got into his voice mail and found some female voice left a message that said, hey sexy, I miss you call me soon. I confronted him about this message and he claimed he had NO idea who that was and no he wasn't cheating, BUT from that time on he made damn sure he turned his phone off at night, hid it from me and if it was visible he deleted all the call history on it, so I didn't see who he was calling or who was calling him. I have tried over and over to communicate with him about problems that I see we have, tried to get him to counseling with me too (he went one time then refused to go again as "he didn't have any problems and didn't need to go". Each time I tried to tell him of my unhappiness, he would turn things around on me, and make it sound like I was crazy or he would get mad and tell me he is going to divorce me. This has been going on now for almost THREE yrs. I cannot keep living like this, this man behaves like he hates me not loves me- he ignores me most of the time he is home, the other times he acts all nice nice so he can manipulate me into giving him sex once a month! I am not allowed to see my family and have to spend time with his family constantly- they come first in his life, always will and I am not considered part of this family unit, nor are my children or grandchildren by this man All I can say to you is leave if you can as things will only get worse and you will only get more and more unhappy. I am sorry that you have had to go through all of this. you don't deserve it's not you're fault he's a loser. I'd leave him because from the way it sounds he won't change you're better off without him. |
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February 14, 2008, 3:25 am PST
Quote From: waihini1 OMG! This subject is near to me and my home. I too married the grand faker- he did all the "right things" when we met, dated, were engaged and the first year to almost 2 yrs we were married, then close to our 2nd anniversary, he warped into someone I didn't recognize. He became distant and cold towards me, all romance halted except for the sex, of course he still wanted that (back then anyway, not now). All the cards he sent, be it ecards or real ones stopped, he didn't want to take me on 3 vacations a year, but now it was down to ONE and it was always some place HE wanted to go, I had no say in it. I found various "clues" that pointed toward him cheating but never could really prove it totally, it was just an insidious feeling that hung in the air between us. He has his own cell phone and got calls in the middle of the night, one time I got into his voice mail and found some female voice left a message that said, hey sexy, I miss you call me soon. I confronted him about this message and he claimed he had NO idea who that was and no he wasn't cheating, BUT from that time on he made damn sure he turned his phone off at night, hid it from me and if it was visible he deleted all the call history on it, so I didn't see who he was calling or who was calling him. I have tried over and over to communicate with him about problems that I see we have, tried to get him to counseling with me too (he went one time then refused to go again as "he didn't have any problems and didn't need to go". Each time I tried to tell him of my unhappiness, he would turn things around on me, and make it sound like I was crazy or he would get mad and tell me he is going to divorce me. This has been going on now for almost THREE yrs. I cannot keep living like this, this man behaves like he hates me not loves me- he ignores me most of the time he is home, the other times he acts all nice nice so he can manipulate me into giving him sex once a month! I am not allowed to see my family and have to spend time with his family constantly- they come first in his life, always will and I am not considered part of this family unit, nor are my children or grandchildren by this man All I can say to you is leave if you can as things will only get worse and you will only get more and more unhappy. OMG...YOUR EXACT STORY could have been copied from my journals. His behavior, what he did, his reaction....the verbal and emotional abuse. The lies, the dishonesty....same, same same!
Hon, it doesn't get better, you are so right, so please take your own advice. Save yourself from this hell.........leave NOW!! Don't waste anymore time. It isn't easy but it SURE is a happier life x 1000!!
BTW....if you think you are ever going to get any answers from him, YOU WON'T! He will NEVER EVER provide you with what you need to heal. Heal yourself!!! Go find the happiness that YOU deserve! |
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February 14, 2008, 7:49 am PST
Quote From: waihini1 OMG! This subject is near to me and my home. I too married the grand faker- he did all the "right things" when we met, dated, were engaged and the first year to almost 2 yrs we were married, then close to our 2nd anniversary, he warped into someone I didn't recognize. He became distant and cold towards me, all romance halted except for the sex, of course he still wanted that (back then anyway, not now). All the cards he sent, be it ecards or real ones stopped, he didn't want to take me on 3 vacations a year, but now it was down to ONE and it was always some place HE wanted to go, I had no say in it. I found various "clues" that pointed toward him cheating but never could really prove it totally, it was just an insidious feeling that hung in the air between us. He has his own cell phone and got calls in the middle of the night, one time I got into his voice mail and found some female voice left a message that said, hey sexy, I miss you call me soon. I confronted him about this message and he claimed he had NO idea who that was and no he wasn't cheating, BUT from that time on he made damn sure he turned his phone off at night, hid it from me and if it was visible he deleted all the call history on it, so I didn't see who he was calling or who was calling him. I have tried over and over to communicate with him about problems that I see we have, tried to get him to counseling with me too (he went one time then refused to go again as "he didn't have any problems and didn't need to go". Each time I tried to tell him of my unhappiness, he would turn things around on me, and make it sound like I was crazy or he would get mad and tell me he is going to divorce me. This has been going on now for almost THREE yrs. I cannot keep living like this, this man behaves like he hates me not loves me- he ignores me most of the time he is home, the other times he acts all nice nice so he can manipulate me into giving him sex once a month! I am not allowed to see my family and have to spend time with his family constantly- they come first in his life, always will and I am not considered part of this family unit, nor are my children or grandchildren by this man All I can say to you is leave if you can as things will only get worse and you will only get more and more unhappy. I would like to tell you that your story is unique, but it isn't. I was married to the exact same guy. He was soooo very sweet and nice when we met, but the day after we married he admitted to me his family hated me and offered him money to dump me at the altar. And for the next five years, he made my life a living hell. Our house was foreclosed on and he claimed it was a "clerical error." Two cars were repossessed and he claimed it was the mortgage company's fault for draining our account! Escort services would call the house and he would claim it was cruel practical jokes played by disgruntled former friends. He told his family our second child was illegitimate so he could explain away his affairs. You know, I cheated first so he cheated last. Finally, after bankruptcy, eviction from a trailer when I was eight months pregnant with the "illegitimate" child (I had to do most of the packing in 100 degree weather) and eviction from the apartment which was rented in MY NAME, despite the fact I'd never signed an agreement (found out after the divorce), I left him. For six more months he stole my paycheck until I could get free of him because it would direct deposit and he would be at the bank the moment it opened to take it. The only way I got out of that joint bank account was to steal his paycheck; then he wanted nothing to do with the account.
Now seven years after the fact, I am remarried and he is insanely jealous. He is suing for visitation, despite the fact that he has all but ignored the children for the last seven years and only saw them when it was convenient for him. He married a poor woman who is just another victim to his nonsense and believes every single word that comes out of his mouth. I am scared to death to let this man be alone with his kids, because I know if he could gain monetarily from their deaths, he would have no problem doing so. We're in for the fight of our lives, and it's all because of a stupid sociopath. I wish you luck in your own situation. |
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February 14, 2008, 10:15 am PST
Quote From: waihini1 OMG! This subject is near to me and my home. I too married the grand faker- he did all the "right things" when we met, dated, were engaged and the first year to almost 2 yrs we were married, then close to our 2nd anniversary, he warped into someone I didn't recognize. He became distant and cold towards me, all romance halted except for the sex, of course he still wanted that (back then anyway, not now). All the cards he sent, be it ecards or real ones stopped, he didn't want to take me on 3 vacations a year, but now it was down to ONE and it was always some place HE wanted to go, I had no say in it. I found various "clues" that pointed toward him cheating but never could really prove it totally, it was just an insidious feeling that hung in the air between us. He has his own cell phone and got calls in the middle of the night, one time I got into his voice mail and found some female voice left a message that said, hey sexy, I miss you call me soon. I confronted him about this message and he claimed he had NO idea who that was and no he wasn't cheating, BUT from that time on he made damn sure he turned his phone off at night, hid it from me and if it was visible he deleted all the call history on it, so I didn't see who he was calling or who was calling him. I have tried over and over to communicate with him about problems that I see we have, tried to get him to counseling with me too (he went one time then refused to go again as "he didn't have any problems and didn't need to go". Each time I tried to tell him of my unhappiness, he would turn things around on me, and make it sound like I was crazy or he would get mad and tell me he is going to divorce me. This has been going on now for almost THREE yrs. I cannot keep living like this, this man behaves like he hates me not loves me- he ignores me most of the time he is home, the other times he acts all nice nice so he can manipulate me into giving him sex once a month! I am not allowed to see my family and have to spend time with his family constantly- they come first in his life, always will and I am not considered part of this family unit, nor are my children or grandchildren by this man All I can say to you is leave if you can as things will only get worse and you will only get more and more unhappy. People will do to you what you ALLOW them to do! Once you figured out that your husband was a liar and a cheat, won't change, and is making your life miserable, why have you not left?
Don't choose to stay in a bad situation and then continuously gripe about it. GET OUT OF YOUR BED AND RE-MAKE IT!!
www.nononsensegrammytree.blogspot.com/ check it out...I think you will find some relevant issues that may apply to your situation. Click on "January" and scroll down to the article titled "Even A Turtle....." for starters. |
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February 14, 2008, 1:06 pm PST
Quote From: waihini1 OMG! This subject is near to me and my home. I too married the grand faker- he did all the "right things" when we met, dated, were engaged and the first year to almost 2 yrs we were married, then close to our 2nd anniversary, he warped into someone I didn't recognize. He became distant and cold towards me, all romance halted except for the sex, of course he still wanted that (back then anyway, not now). All the cards he sent, be it ecards or real ones stopped, he didn't want to take me on 3 vacations a year, but now it was down to ONE and it was always some place HE wanted to go, I had no say in it. I found various "clues" that pointed toward him cheating but never could really prove it totally, it was just an insidious feeling that hung in the air between us. He has his own cell phone and got calls in the middle of the night, one time I got into his voice mail and found some female voice left a message that said, hey sexy, I miss you call me soon. I confronted him about this message and he claimed he had NO idea who that was and no he wasn't cheating, BUT from that time on he made damn sure he turned his phone off at night, hid it from me and if it was visible he deleted all the call history on it, so I didn't see who he was calling or who was calling him. I have tried over and over to communicate with him about problems that I see we have, tried to get him to counseling with me too (he went one time then refused to go again as "he didn't have any problems and didn't need to go". Each time I tried to tell him of my unhappiness, he would turn things around on me, and make it sound like I was crazy or he would get mad and tell me he is going to divorce me. This has been going on now for almost THREE yrs. I cannot keep living like this, this man behaves like he hates me not loves me- he ignores me most of the time he is home, the other times he acts all nice nice so he can manipulate me into giving him sex once a month! I am not allowed to see my family and have to spend time with his family constantly- they come first in his life, always will and I am not considered part of this family unit, nor are my children or grandchildren by this man All I can say to you is leave if you can as things will only get worse and you will only get more and more unhappy. never ever let any guy or husband, keep you from your family, parents, siblings. if you leave, take your children and go, things can only improve for you. after reading that quote, i say after you had the first clue he was cheating, id left. but let no man make you chose between him and your family. THat ive been through, all he wants now is to control you and keep you for his own purposes. Dont give him the pleasure of divorcing you. Step up and do the right thing for you and your children. think about them first. |
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February 14, 2008, 3:37 pm PST
Quote From: waihini1 OMG! This subject is near to me and my home. I too married the grand faker- he did all the "right things" when we met, dated, were engaged and the first year to almost 2 yrs we were married, then close to our 2nd anniversary, he warped into someone I didn't recognize. He became distant and cold towards me, all romance halted except for the sex, of course he still wanted that (back then anyway, not now). All the cards he sent, be it ecards or real ones stopped, he didn't want to take me on 3 vacations a year, but now it was down to ONE and it was always some place HE wanted to go, I had no say in it. I found various "clues" that pointed toward him cheating but never could really prove it totally, it was just an insidious feeling that hung in the air between us. He has his own cell phone and got calls in the middle of the night, one time I got into his voice mail and found some female voice left a message that said, hey sexy, I miss you call me soon. I confronted him about this message and he claimed he had NO idea who that was and no he wasn't cheating, BUT from that time on he made damn sure he turned his phone off at night, hid it from me and if it was visible he deleted all the call history on it, so I didn't see who he was calling or who was calling him. I have tried over and over to communicate with him about problems that I see we have, tried to get him to counseling with me too (he went one time then refused to go again as "he didn't have any problems and didn't need to go". Each time I tried to tell him of my unhappiness, he would turn things around on me, and make it sound like I was crazy or he would get mad and tell me he is going to divorce me. This has been going on now for almost THREE yrs. I cannot keep living like this, this man behaves like he hates me not loves me- he ignores me most of the time he is home, the other times he acts all nice nice so he can manipulate me into giving him sex once a month! I am not allowed to see my family and have to spend time with his family constantly- they come first in his life, always will and I am not considered part of this family unit, nor are my children or grandchildren by this man All I can say to you is leave if you can as things will only get worse and you will only get more and more unhappy. I think I was married to him before you. Didn't he convince you to sell your business? People wonder why you don't just leave don't they. Because he has you boxed in at this point. Your money has become his money, probably tied up in the house you built together, along with the pickup you bought together, along with the travel trailer you bought together, etc. All of which are now "his" and you no longer have any money. And you are isolated, aren't you, from friends and family. And whatever is wrong betwen the two you, he is convinced that it is your fault, and sometimes he almost has you believing you ARE crazy, like he tells you. Counselors and pastosr won't help, because he initially has them believing he is the nicest guy in the world. When they begin to figure out he is not what he seems, he won't see that person again.
When we divorced, he took everyhing (but I'll bet that's not the way you heard the story) and I got nothing. But I got out with my life, no matter how much it cost me.
Oh, and has he told you that he knows how to kill and dispose of a person without anyone ever suspecting a thing?
And he HAS been married more times than he led you to believe, and there were no annulments (as in "That was annulled, so it doesn't count). Sound familiar?
It will never get better, no matter what you do or how hard you try. I know that for a fact. Contact me if you need to hear any more about him. |
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July 22, 2008, 7:58 am PDT
Quote From: waihini1 OMG! This subject is near to me and my home. I too married the grand faker- he did all the "right things" when we met, dated, were engaged and the first year to almost 2 yrs we were married, then close to our 2nd anniversary, he warped into someone I didn't recognize. He became distant and cold towards me, all romance halted except for the sex, of course he still wanted that (back then anyway, not now). All the cards he sent, be it ecards or real ones stopped, he didn't want to take me on 3 vacations a year, but now it was down to ONE and it was always some place HE wanted to go, I had no say in it. I found various "clues" that pointed toward him cheating but never could really prove it totally, it was just an insidious feeling that hung in the air between us. He has his own cell phone and got calls in the middle of the night, one time I got into his voice mail and found some female voice left a message that said, hey sexy, I miss you call me soon. I confronted him about this message and he claimed he had NO idea who that was and no he wasn't cheating, BUT from that time on he made damn sure he turned his phone off at night, hid it from me and if it was visible he deleted all the call history on it, so I didn't see who he was calling or who was calling him. I have tried over and over to communicate with him about problems that I see we have, tried to get him to counseling with me too (he went one time then refused to go again as "he didn't have any problems and didn't need to go". Each time I tried to tell him of my unhappiness, he would turn things around on me, and make it sound like I was crazy or he would get mad and tell me he is going to divorce me. This has been going on now for almost THREE yrs. I cannot keep living like this, this man behaves like he hates me not loves me- he ignores me most of the time he is home, the other times he acts all nice nice so he can manipulate me into giving him sex once a month! I am not allowed to see my family and have to spend time with his family constantly- they come first in his life, always will and I am not considered part of this family unit, nor are my children or grandchildren by this man All I can say to you is leave if you can as things will only get worse and you will only get more and more unhappy. I read your post waihini1 , and Im certian that you must be certian that you watched the Dr. Phil show , and it could be a defineing moment in your own life . Maybe a wake up call for you waihini1 . There is one thing for certian in life , we as people can not change other people or what they do , all we can really change is our own selves. You do not have to be , and are not obligated to remain sensitive to a man who is obviously takeing great advantage of the fact you may care deeply for him ,and he may care nothing at all about you . Actions waihini1 speaks volumes about people . Turn waihini1 toward your own family and closest of friends , you are not obligated to meet any of this mans wants or needs period . Three years of your life is long enough , to long actually . Your most positive options in life is to do for YOU now and for your children what you have to do . Trying to reason with the total unreasonable is fruitless , it most likely would be a waste of your time to attempt to get your husband to give you the answers you need or want . You can take back your life in one day from this man who has obviously stepped on you as if you are just there to be used like a stepping stone . Break Free and give yourself permission to reclaim your freedom turn toward home waihini1 toward the people in your life who you know love you and will help you serve your own best intrest and your children . Your far more valuable in life waihini1 than u know . Choose wisely and choose life and choose to value yours and your children it is a decision you can make , as painful as it may be , remember in the hard days one truth to remind yourself to say with hope dignity and faith , " THIS TOO SHALL PASS " good things are not always easy , but one thing is certian , you have the strength to choose right things for right reasons and have no regrets about it . Your intiution is your higher guide waihini1 listen to it . All your senses can make a comeback be strong and be a survivor live life for the gift that it is yours is precious and so is your childrens , I wish u the greatest of blessings and good things in life to come . All pain and suffering is for the moment just to learn by grow by and go up and on to the next level in life , step up precise quick and to the point . You have the right to claim your life and live it and not allow anything or anyone to destroy you , let it be his bad and let him keep his bad , you dont have to accept it or live it , your choices can free you from the unequally yoked bondage you live in . It is my heartfelt hope that you will break free from it and all that hurts will pass quickly and you will live a blessed future life and be much loved . Best and greatest wishes for you WAIHINI1 |
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