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Replies to 'Infidelity'
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July 29, 2005, 10:57 am PDT
 Quote From: missnc Hello,I want to get some advice from any women that may have encountered my problem....I have been married for a yr now we have a 4mo old and a 4yr old.My husband and I met online...It was my first experience to any of the online dating sene...for him though,,,he had been doing it awhile before me.When we were dating I found that he was still communicating with online friends...or whatever you call them...we addressed it and I thought he had found all he needed in me..when he asked me to be his wife.my son is 4mo now and while I was pregnant I found long didtance #s in his phone...as far as Canada!Come to find out the woman in Canada was having a online/via phone relationship with him! For 10 mo1She did not know anything about me...his children...he made up another idenity...But...she knew his name,he gave her his mothers address!I was so let down to hear this...they would have explicit sexual conversations...via web cam too....I was shaking so hard it could of been a earthquake!I confronted him....oh boy what a mess....he says he was just joking around no meaning to it...yeah right...for 10 months I don't think so..the woman said she'd never have anymore contact with him...but why did I find out just the next day after all of this...he was calling some other woman!!!!!!This is getting out of hand...I feel betrayed ,words cannot expain,so I wonder if he's capable of all this what else is he capable of...what if these women came to see him?what if they were in the same state...I cannot go on wondering what he is doing it will send me to the crazy house!Anyone out there have any advice?been through this before?Thanks If I and others one here (I'm sure they'll weigh in here pretty soon) give you permission to think of what he did with that woman in Canada and what he continues to do with other women as adultery, will that have any effect on how you handle this situation? You husband HAS cheated on you; in fact he continues to cheat on you. And he's not going to stop because you've somehow allowed him the excuse that it's just he internet and so therefore it's not really cheating. You need to redefine adultery for him. Make it very clear that you consider any contact he has with these women to be cheating and you will in the future respond to it exactly the same way you would if he were banging his secretary. And tell him what that response would be. |
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July 30, 2005, 5:29 pm PDT
Quote From: missnc Hello,I want to get some advice from any women that may have encountered my problem....I have been married for a yr now we have a 4mo old and a 4yr old.My husband and I met online...It was my first experience to any of the online dating sene...for him though,,,he had been doing it awhile before me.When we were dating I found that he was still communicating with online friends...or whatever you call them...we addressed it and I thought he had found all he needed in me..when he asked me to be his wife.my son is 4mo now and while I was pregnant I found long didtance #s in his phone...as far as Canada!Come to find out the woman in Canada was having a online/via phone relationship with him! For 10 mo1She did not know anything about me...his children...he made up another idenity...But...she knew his name,he gave her his mothers address!I was so let down to hear this...they would have explicit sexual conversations...via web cam too....I was shaking so hard it could of been a earthquake!I confronted him....oh boy what a mess....he says he was just joking around no meaning to it...yeah right...for 10 months I don't think so..the woman said she'd never have anymore contact with him...but why did I find out just the next day after all of this...he was calling some other woman!!!!!!This is getting out of hand...I feel betrayed ,words cannot expain,so I wonder if he's capable of all this what else is he capable of...what if these women came to see him?what if they were in the same state...I cannot go on wondering what he is doing it will send me to the crazy house!Anyone out there have any advice?been through this before?Thanks Just because this isn't physical (that you know of) doesn't mean it's not cheating. If you do a google search on online cheating and divorces because of it, you will see that even the law is also starting to recognize this as a form of infidelity. If it did come down to a divorce and you needed to, these women can be called into the divorce court to substantiate the infidelity - bet neither he or them would like that too much. It's time to give him an ultimatum; it's them or you. He knows what he was/is doing was/is wrong or he wouldn't have gone to such lengths to hide it from you. He knows he's playing with fire and it's a matter of time before he actually meets with one of these women. Change your email so that you only have one for the two of you. Make sure the cell phone bills come directly to you or set it up online so you can see a history of the phone calls. And I'd also contact all these numbers on the bill that are unfamiliar to you and let them know he is married. He didn't tell this woman in Canada that he was, so I doubt any of these other women know either. He's playing them as badly as he is you. If you want this to work with him, I suggest counseling and I think you need to get started on it quickly. Best of luck and let us know how you are doing. |
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