Replies to '07/24 Behind Closed Doors'

  This is probablly one of the toughest of all shows to do under the complexities inherient with such a violent crime.  I'm certain, judging from Dr. Phil's past behaviors, that this isn't over by a long shot!

  It is with the utmost respect for all parties concerned, short on compassion for 'John', that I say to Heidi, I am so very sorry this happened to you.  I'm sorry you are not alone in this devastatingly violent change of who you were.   I understand your attitude, your pain, your anger, and your shock.  I've walked in your shoes.  It may not mean much but I do get it, all of it.  You have a right to feel as indignant as you do and angry.   I know the answers you got today weren't what you may have wanted or needed.  They were the sadest of all answers, no progress in finding out if there is anything there with which to have any relationship with your mother.

  The moment I heard Susan I knew what was going to happen.  I've heard the same words, all the right excuses to make it about her and not whom it was about, you Heidi.  I'm sorry she did that.  If she knew how to hear you maybe she would, but it is doubtful over the din of her own guilt and self absorbed pains she could.  I hope and pray for you that you will live to see a healthier conclusion to your need for answers than today was able to get you.

  In the meantime Heidi, live well and keep working your healing process in and out of thearpy.  Time will help you find the last pieces you seek and make you strong enough to deal with whatever that may be, even if the answers never change.  Just because I never heard those 3 precious words, even on my mother's death bed, doesn't mean you never will.  As long as there is life there is hope, even if it doesn't seem like it.

  The day came I saw my mother, whom blamed me and allowed my father to sell me to the highest bidder right here in the good ole USA, as a flawed and very real person.  I suddenly saw a reason to pity her as she shrouded herself in her own pain, too fearful of responsibility to own up to what she did to my life and how it would and has changed me.  That was my process, not necessarily yours.  I won't excuse anything she did nor what it has cost me that occassionally still angers me from time to time, and takes a few days to unravel.  Ultimately this path I took led me back to loving her for who she was, not what she did or didn't do.  I like her with feet of clay much better.  Now I'm my own best champion and protector, and I don't need anyone's approval any more.

  I don't know what you need Heidi but I pray you recieve it more than what you think you want.  Needs are so much better than desires when you get down to it.

  God Bless you all!

  Thanks Dr. Phil you did the tough thing again for all the world to see, the right thing.  I know you will follow thru with this case because you don't sink your teeth into anything you don't finish.  I appreciate all your hard work and considerable thought into how you will handle 'John's' public admition of guilt.  By the way you are so right, there are more victims of his.  Petaphiles never stop until they are forced to!  Go get him!