Replies to 'Childhood Sexual Abuse Support'

YOU GO GIRL!!!

I applaud you for protecting your children from the Perp.  I know how it hurts when our family members act in ways that seem so contradictory to what we think "should" be... I do know that in abuse the child's mind is totally raped too, and it isn't uncommon for the little girl to  gladly be "daddy's little girl".  Just like when a kidnapping survivor identifies with kidnapper and "falls in love" with them . (called Stockholm syndrome)  As weird as this stuff sounds to some people, to the survivor of abuse the thinking is how they make right a thing that was ever so wrong.  sort of warping of the truth to make appearance to self that there either was not any abuse, or it was minimal.  these are survivor mechanisms.

I personally never had that symptomatology, but everyone copes differently. 

if i can make a suggestion is that you focus on the children who do stand by you, and pray

for the one who isn't.  If you get a chance to get to any 12 step meetings dealing with codependency these can relay help you focus on what is important for today and help you let go of the daughter who has shut you out.  (if that is the direction you want to go, the meetings help with any goals in unhealthy relationships.

I recommend CODA  or Al-anon , there is also a program called SIA these are all national free programs and usually have websites with meeting schedules nationwide online.

the red text is quoted from your post...

How selfish are we as a people, when the voice of a child is silenced, and we allow acts like these to continue?...just don't tell...God forbid the neighbors might talk...or we'll be less welcomed at family functions.  Bottom line...if I have to pimp out my children in order to have a full house on holidays, the four of us will celebrate together...My oldest has turned to HIS family, went on to have two children with him...it is of grave concern to me, yet legally, or anyway, if he's hurting them, I cannot do a thing about it.  I'm sure they  have the wonderful holidays I thought we had, until I found out that my younger ones were holding this dark secret...those holidays weren't as great as I'd thought.  I know I'm missing a lot in not seeing my grandchildren, but that would have come at the price of selling out the younger ones...that price was too high"

 how i wish someone in my family would have stood up to the sob's (yes i had multiple-grandfather , father and "uncle" abuse me from birth - 18)  I asked for help a couple times, no one did anthing except one aunt requested the perp "stop " hurting her IN HER HOUSE, yes she walked in on it -infant in diapers yelled out a horrific scream prompting her to run in room, She later ignored me at 8-10 years  old when i clung to her table and begged they not send me home (afer a week with her n uncle , first adults who never abused me)  she sent me back on plane never said anything to anyone.  Oh and the schools, what a joke, i had black and blue marks head to toe, constantly sent to nurse for them and for sleeping in class, since i had blacked out for lots of abuse i just told them i was clumsy and hurt myself and didnt sleep... i look at my childhood school photos and feel so sad, eyes all puffy and dark circles in kindegarden on...what kid sleeps in a house full of drunnken fighting parents and perps?  school never investigated further, and i know now i had lots of sypmtoms of being sexualy n physicaly abused, the school didnt do anything.

Lots of people looked the other way, some were survivors themselves, like my mom (i found out on her deathbed) , and i strongly suspect my aunt although she denies it...I hope to god there is some education on detecting abuse and protecting the children at the schools, in police forces, and social service fields....one can only hope.

I

as per your statements above i concur, and guess what after 2 divorces of my own ( i was incapable of choosing a healthy mate) and thank god 20 years clean and sober, I do not keep my mouth shut as to what happened to me, not that i incessantly speak on it (i only mention truth if they ask) but i do tell truth.

and after 10 years of ignoring my pedophile father, i called him 2 Christmases past, he asked why i didn't call for 10 years and i told him why, He called me a liar and hung up on me, telling other family I'm a liar and sick and now no one talks to me.  (most all are dead except 3...ironic how they die off)

It hurts that i was abandoned both in childhood and now in adulthood.  I hate holidays since I'm alone and don't have the Norman Rockwell family memories...

on the upside, I got sober 20 years ago, been in therapy for 30 + years , I'm living in the second home i earned and got solo (ha !)  and i do not pick loser abusers anymore for boyfriends or husbands.  The bad boy image has lost all its luster to me... I have a few women friends i love like sisters, i have healthy interactions with people, and steer clear of the emotionally unavailable.  It has taken lots of work, prayers and tears, but no one is hurting me any more- except for me, if i allow myself to look back at what i wish happened.  Just for today I am an honorable woman of dignity, worthy of love and kindness.