Replies to '07/16 Bully Husband'

Good morning.  I read your response to my posting.  First, I am glad to hear (from one of your other postings that you are a friend of Karen's.  She will need all the support she can get to get out of this sad situation.  I agree with you that she would probably need counselling to uncover the reasons why she puts up with this as well as to get the courage to get out.  While we  don't know much about Karen's particular situation (the show hasn't aired yet) I suspect a few things are fairly common in this type of situation.  The guy uses put-downs to erode away the woman's self-esteem.  Then he lets her know how "lucky" she is that she has him because no other guy is going to give her a second look because of the way she looks. Does he try to isolate her from other important people in her life?  He doesn't want the voices of sanity and common sense to reach her because she may pick up and leave.    I don't even know that he truly wants her to lose weight.  If she did, and became more physically attractive  and her self-esteem picked up, she might decide to leave him behind.  I suspect this whole thing is a huge control issue, and that he has his own self-esteem issues.

About your comment that she is in this for the kids.....she MAY think she is doing the right thing by keeping the family together, but the kids are watching and absorbing what they see, and will grow up thinking that this is the "normal" way that things are.  They should not grow up believing that it is normal for a woman to be belittled, particularly by the person who is supposed to love her above anyone else. 

 

This guy is really a piece of work! Dr Phil you are right on with the have you looked in the mirror? " She is nt doing those children any good by staying with him..... Her daughter wil grow up to think that it is acceptable to take this kind of abuse!!!!

 

Advise her to get out while the gettin good Dr. Phil

 This man has a serious mental block concerning his relationships.  What could make a person think as he does?  It is hopeful that he is willing to accept help to change and I sincerely hope it helps him.  She has been beat down for so long it will take a lot of re-dirction to give her any self confidence.  I'm rooting for both of them.  

I'm tired of the excuse that she's in it for the kids....she's in it for HERSELF. Kids don't need this "Daddy", "Mommy" wants this "Daddy"!  I say, leave her with him.

 

No wonder in this world that truly good, noble men are so hard to find. When you can treat a woman like garbage and she comes running back for more, where's the payoff in being a classy, decent guy?

I'm so fed up with women putting so much energy into these men and then whining and crying they "can't" leave. Oh, yes, she CAN leave. This is not a case where a woman is afraid for her life and the lives of her children.

Sorry, honey, think about the kids for ONCE. Yes, ONCE, because you are just thinking about yourself and that cowardly, loathsome loser you CHOSE for a mate.

Professional help is what got me through living with a man like this.  My suggestion is for her to educate herself on narcissist personality disorder.  If she is staying in it for the sake of the children, it won't matter.  Get out now before he turns the children against her.  I made the mistake of staying for 17 years, now he has turned our children against me at ages 15 and 16.  They want to live with him and are not talking to me.  She needs to work on strengthen herself and stand  up to him.  Get a backbone, take the kids and get out now.