I'm so sorry to see that you are going through what I am currently experiencing. I worked two jobs for several years to support my husband and to help him start his business. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis, and am now on Social Security and long-term disability through my company. He also called me fat and lazy; took pictures of my "messy' house, and kept a daily journal of what I did, when I got off the couch, where I went, when I came back, and how much money I had. He complained to his friends and family, within earshot, about my cooking or housekeeping, or weight, If I did clean the house perfectly, he would find a piece of dust in the corner to complain about, If I did spend money and time making a pot roast, with beef, potatoes, carrots, etc., he'd open a can of stew, with beef, potatoes, carrots. He kept us separated from our our church, friends and family. He also withheld affection and sex from me, presumably as punishment, for the last nine of our twenty-five years together. I remember Dr. Phil once told a guest that bank robbers get out of jail sooner than that.
Long story shorter; we finally left him, and are in the court battle. He found an attorney who is just as abusive. Several months after we left, I was diagnosed with kidney cancer, and needed surgery. My husband was notified by our local radio station that I had won their grand prize of $5000.00. He told no one about it, but made sure I found out, two months after it was too late to claim the prize, I couldn't even afford the pain medication, and recovered with meager nutrition. He would have been entitled to half, but he'd rather see me have nothing than to get $2500.00 free money.
Your marriage is indeed making your health problems worse. Your husband knows what he is doing financially. It's very difficult to find an attorney you can afford. I had to borrow money from my elderly parents just to consult with vocational experts to counteract the ones he hired. I'm broke, and he knows it. The business that I helped him build gives him almost 100K per year, and yet he says he can't afford support. But enough of me. Remember that you have value. If the house isn't perfect, so the h*** what? He'll survive. You need to rest when you need to rest, and do some cleaning only on your good days. Try to avoid cooking anything that takes a lot of stirring, because it hurts to stand, and it hurts your hands to stir.
On your good days, you can cook up extra batches for leftovers, but only if it isn't too tiring. On your bad days, you deserve, and need, to rest. If you can, see if there is a support group or counseling for domestic violence in your area. Remember, it doesn't have to be physical to be violent. God Bless.
