Replies to '07/16 Bully Husband'

How, exactly, does one demand respect?  If the abuser doesn't give respect in the first place, your demanding it won't be of any value.  Besides, to quote a title of a famous book, when you realize "He's Really Not That Into You" and your heart is broken into tiny pieces, you don't have the strength to demand anything.  And, for what its worth...........respect that is gained by demanding it is not comforting.  You want your spouse to love you because of who you are and the things that make you lovable - not because you demand it.  I'm in this situation myself.  For over two decades now.  I stay because I made a vow, ".....for better or for worse".  This happens to be "the worse" part that my vows spoke of.  I stay because God does not approve of divorce.  The Bible says that Moses would allow for a letter of divorcement because of "the hardness of their hearts."  I don't want to have a hard heart.  I want to have a soft heart.  It is my job to show my husband unconditional love.  It is his job to return the sentiment, but if he chooses not to, that is his problem and he will face God someday based on his own behavior.  Dr. Laura will tell you that you knew what you were getting into before you got married.  Not so.  Sorry Dr. Laura, no disrespect intended.  My husband & I knew each other only 5 months before we wed and our first two years were total bliss.  Perfect in every way.  Then the first child came along and I think my husband felt he was in competition for my affection.  He wasn't, of course.  I had enough love for both of them - always trying to treat my marriage with the proper priority it deserved.  But something snapped w/in him and it's never been the same.  I could write a book about the atrocities that have taken place in our home over the years.  I could appear on Dr. Phil and let the world know, but I believe the solution is prayer and doing right.  Would I like my husband to get help?  Sure!  Who wouldn't?  Will he?  Probably not.  He doesn't think there is a problem.  I take that back.  I believe he knows our marriage isn't what it should be, but he won't acknowledge the problem because that would:  a) damage his ego, and b) would require change.  I'll shut up now and let others have their say, but let me close by saying if you've never lived with a person that has this sense of being right all the time, you can't begin to understand what we go through.  Please don't be hard on Karen.  Her heart is broken and she needs tenderness and a friend who will come along side of her and put their arm around her shoulder and hold her up, dry her tears and give her the affirmation that she needs - not more bullying from well intentioned bystanders that yell at her to "LEAVE HIM, LEAVE HIM, LEAVE HIM!!!!"  Thanks for listening and have a super day!