Replies to '02/19 The Dr. Phil House: Rules of Engagement, Part 2'
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February 19, 2008, 7:54 am PST
 Quote From: charise820 Lily, you and Tim are in for a train wreck. You're 19- you shouldn't be raising a kid and getting married. You should be on a beach in Rio or traveling the world or in college. Babies are complicated enough when you HAVE all the resources, at your age, it's going to drain everything you have and require many things you don't. If I were you, I would put the baby up for adoption, go to college, and THEN see if you still have feelings for each other. By the time you have your first job, your money issues won't be as big because you have higher earning power. Are you kidding me. So they are young Lily is lucky Tim didn't run like most men. Yes it's going to be rough but every single marriage has it's bumps in the road. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL THEM TO GIVE THERE BABY UP. I have been were they are and you can do great. Money is always going to be an issue in a world that only cares about money. At 19 you can have tons a resources to raise a child. They can give that child everything it needs and tings it don't need and it can and will most likely become a great person. I had a child at 19 I even tried making things work with the father even I was date raped. (at that time I didn't understand you could be raped by your boyfriend but that's another topic) I worked and he worked. when I had the baby I stayed home. My son had everything he needed and love. he didn't need designer clothes but he had more than he needed. he did have name brand diapers but he had what he needed. he went to the dr for every well baby check up and every time he was sick. and his father nor i had a college degree. I hate to tell everyone but a degree doesn't mean more money. heck my father doesn't have one and makes great money working for bowing. I child cares about love and being warm and feed and clean and healthy and dry...the basics and love. I see many people who can afford a child and give them all the toys and stuff in the world but can't be bothered to give them the love they need. I still can't believe that you are so down on them because of there age...here they contact dr phil to get help before getting married and you are telling them to give up before even trying. Tim and Lily don't know if you are reading this but you can make it if you want to make it. I may not have married the father of my first son. but I got married at 22 and everyone told me that was to young and we are doing great. yes we have debt but show me someone who doesn't owe someone else something. You love each other and that baby and well I think you will do fine as long as you keep up the hard work it takes to make a marriage work.
I said that's what I would do in MY situation. I just don't think they seem to be ready, especially if they're on the Dr. Phil House. And they want to bring a child into a situation where they constantly fight over money.
The fact is at 19, you can't give a baby what you can 5 or 10 years later. Just a fact. Having more assets for your child may mean the difference between taking the baby to a free clinic or a specialist.
I have EVERY right to tell them what I think and what I'd do in their situation. Just because YOU did it that way, doesn't make it the IDEAL situation in which to raise a child. I think they should keep their options open, just because she got pregnant doesn't mean they have to get married and raise kids. They CAN adopt out, they CAN go to college, they CAN better their situation if they want to. They're not trapped because of a dumb choice.
They seem VERY naive and I don't think they fully realize yet the commitment and responsibility theyre about to take on. Thinking before you leap is a good thing. |
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February 19, 2008, 8:50 am PST
Quote From: charise820 Lily, you and Tim are in for a train wreck. You're 19- you shouldn't be raising a kid and getting married. You should be on a beach in Rio or traveling the world or in college. Babies are complicated enough when you HAVE all the resources, at your age, it's going to drain everything you have and require many things you don't. If I were you, I would put the baby up for adoption, go to college, and THEN see if you still have feelings for each other. By the time you have your first job, your money issues won't be as big because you have higher earning power. Are you kidding me. So they are young Lily is lucky Tim didn't run like most men. Yes it's going to be rough but every single marriage has it's bumps in the road. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL THEM TO GIVE THERE BABY UP. I have been were they are and you can do great. Money is always going to be an issue in a world that only cares about money. At 19 you can have tons a resources to raise a child. They can give that child everything it needs and tings it don't need and it can and will most likely become a great person. I had a child at 19 I even tried making things work with the father even I was date raped. (at that time I didn't understand you could be raped by your boyfriend but that's another topic) I worked and he worked. when I had the baby I stayed home. My son had everything he needed and love. he didn't need designer clothes but he had more than he needed. he did have name brand diapers but he had what he needed. he went to the dr for every well baby check up and every time he was sick. and his father nor i had a college degree. I hate to tell everyone but a degree doesn't mean more money. heck my father doesn't have one and makes great money working for bowing. I child cares about love and being warm and feed and clean and healthy and dry...the basics and love. I see many people who can afford a child and give them all the toys and stuff in the world but can't be bothered to give them the love they need. I still can't believe that you are so down on them because of there age...here they contact dr phil to get help before getting married and you are telling them to give up before even trying. Tim and Lily don't know if you are reading this but you can make it if you want to make it. I may not have married the father of my first son. but I got married at 22 and everyone told me that was to young and we are doing great. yes we have debt but show me someone who doesn't owe someone else something. You love each other and that baby and well I think you will do fine as long as you keep up the hard work it takes to make a marriage work. I am speaking directly to you:
You are right that a college degree doesn't ALWAYS mean more money....but it sure can better your chances! Education is never wasted.
The more education you have, the more intelligent you become, and the more you have to offer your children. Just because you aren't in school and have children too young, doesn't mean you have to stop learning. There are many ways in which you can educate yourself....books, educational TV programs, (PBS is a wonderful station, as is The Discovery Channel, The Learning channel, National Geographic channel, etc.)
I have no doubt that you love your son, but it takes way more than material things to raise a child. You need to become better educated yourself so that you can help teach your child. Think of it as a gift you will give to your child!
There's nothing more demoralizing to a young man than to go out looking for a job someday and be turned down by a potential employer who perceives him as ignorant because he cannot spell or write worth a darn, and has such awful grammar that he sounds like he hasn't gone to school a day in his life. What he learns at home, he will take out into the world some day....which is why I say that your own education, however you are able to get it, is a gift to your children!
Please visit my website: NONONSENSEGRAMMYTREE.BLOGSPOT.COM, and go to "A Letter To Teen Moms". |
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February 19, 2008, 4:06 pm PST
Quote From: charise820 Lily, you and Tim are in for a train wreck. You're 19- you shouldn't be raising a kid and getting married. You should be on a beach in Rio or traveling the world or in college. Babies are complicated enough when you HAVE all the resources, at your age, it's going to drain everything you have and require many things you don't. If I were you, I would put the baby up for adoption, go to college, and THEN see if you still have feelings for each other. By the time you have your first job, your money issues won't be as big because you have higher earning power. Are you kidding me. So they are young Lily is lucky Tim didn't run like most men. Yes it's going to be rough but every single marriage has it's bumps in the road. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL THEM TO GIVE THERE BABY UP. I have been were they are and you can do great. Money is always going to be an issue in a world that only cares about money. At 19 you can have tons a resources to raise a child. They can give that child everything it needs and tings it don't need and it can and will most likely become a great person. I had a child at 19 I even tried making things work with the father even I was date raped. (at that time I didn't understand you could be raped by your boyfriend but that's another topic) I worked and he worked. when I had the baby I stayed home. My son had everything he needed and love. he didn't need designer clothes but he had more than he needed. he did have name brand diapers but he had what he needed. he went to the dr for every well baby check up and every time he was sick. and his father nor i had a college degree. I hate to tell everyone but a degree doesn't mean more money. heck my father doesn't have one and makes great money working for bowing. I child cares about love and being warm and feed and clean and healthy and dry...the basics and love. I see many people who can afford a child and give them all the toys and stuff in the world but can't be bothered to give them the love they need. I still can't believe that you are so down on them because of there age...here they contact dr phil to get help before getting married and you are telling them to give up before even trying. Tim and Lily don't know if you are reading this but you can make it if you want to make it. I may not have married the father of my first son. but I got married at 22 and everyone told me that was to young and we are doing great. yes we have debt but show me someone who doesn't owe someone else something. You love each other and that baby and well I think you will do fine as long as you keep up the hard work it takes to make a marriage work. THEY DO NEED TO GIVE UP THAT BABY AS THIS CHILD WILL NOT GET THE LOVE NOR THE HEALTHIER LIFE FOR THIS BABY. THE BABY NEEDS A BETTER LIFE THAN WHAT THAT COUPLE HAS TO OFFER THE BABY.
THE BABY WOULD BE A HELL OF A LOT BETTER OFF. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE SAND.
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