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February 20, 2008, 1:50 pm PST
engaged
Quote From: duncily So I was watchin the dr phil show on the engadged couples and decided to get on here and get some advice for myself so me and my boyrfriend dont end up like that. I have been with my boyfriend for a yr... but our relationship was started way different then most... I got pregnant in the beginning anfd we kinda just went from there. We really do love each other more than ever I just have a problem with being selfish, self centered and never want to admit im wrong in the moment... He has had to leave two times now but not for more than 2 days im just really worried im going to push him away for good... I need some advice from a person who wont side or anything but help me over come my problems in a way.... thanks. It sounds like you are aware of your behaviors that cause issues, are you willing to change? It is difficult to admit that you are wrong, that is understandable. But think about it from your boyfriend’s perspective. It must feel very bad to be him at times.
To create change, you have to have what Dr. Phil calls the “spirit of willingness.” Meaning, you have to embrace change and be positive about it. The change that needs to occur in your life is positive, it could bring you a lifetime of happiness, and you deserve that. Your child deserves that, too. I highly recommend Dr. Phil’s book titled “Self Matters,” reading that book will help you become a better person, but it will be for YOU. Not for anyone else. It will be difficult to change your life-long behavior of being selfish, but you can do it- you’ve got to be willing to put your whole heart and soul into this change.
When you realize that you are being unreasonably selfish or that you are wrong, stop speaking, force yourself to calm down, and then apologize. If you are feeling angry, ask yourself this, “what am I really angry about?” Wherever that anger comes from, it has to be resolved so that you can live a good life. I also suggest professional therapy, because having personal guidance while learning to improve yourself is so helpful! A professional will not judge you or hold a grudge, they will gently urge you on towards healthy change. I wish you the best!
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