Replies to '12/28 Wifestyles'

  

Grant, 

I admire your willingness to share your story.  I do truly believe that your wife's happiness is important to you. I can also understand why your wife would feel upset with some of your behaviors, ie grading her cooking...  I am wondering if you were criticized much while growing up and if you ever felt inadequate or like you were never quite making the mark or reaching your parents expectations?  How did you come to the conclusion that the expectations  you set for your wife were "normal" or that she shared your expectations?  Have you ever asked her what her standards for a "good husband" are, and how do you know you're meeting them?  I believe that you mean well but obviously this is backfiring on you.  I hope this works out well for both of you.  I'll keep your family in my prayers. 

  

Kathy 

I think we all have a concept of what our married lives are going to be like.  Most married people are not fully living their dreams.  That is not to say they  are unhappy.  But lets face it ...most of us aren't dreaming of organizing cabinets, folding untold amounts of laundry, negotiating treaties between  the preschoolers, cleaning the Kitchens (a minimum of three times a day with constant interruptions) or coming home to an exhausted wife, and many tasks still left undone.   Life is a lot of work.  As married people you've signed up to do it together.  I am a mother of four 6 and under.  If a dish was never washed and a floor never swept. I would still be incredibly busy just caring for my children.  This is a labor intensive period in your lives.  It won't always be this way. But there will always be challenges you didn't exactly fantasize about.  How you deal with those challenges is what will determine if your life is great or just mediocre.   Loving your spouse for better or worse includes cluttered cabinets. Love is patient Love is kind.

Nicely said , Grant. 

  

As you would expect your wife to respect you in your decisions at your job, respect hers. 

  

way to go. 

It takes a lot of courage to go on the show but I have to say is keeping the peace at home really about organizing drawers and cupboards?  Have you ever thought that maybe your house is not to your standards because of your contributions or lack thereof?  You already know criticizing your wife isn't going to get you there.  What about meeting her expectations as well?  I know Dr. Phil will set you up with some great counseling for the both of you.  But here are some examples of what works with my husband and me:  I keep the house clean and organized but he definitely has a hand in it.  My husband works very long hours and can't contribute as much as he would want to.  Still, if he wants something done, we discuss it and then figure out how to tacke it - TOGETHER.  Since being with kids is a 24/7 job and organizing cupboards in my spare time is not my cup of tea during the rare spare time I get, he and I agree to get the help I need to make sure our house is in order.  Sure we cut back on certain things to pay for these things but even bringing in help once a month or 2 can make a  world of difference.    We also understand clutter now and then and during a hectic time of our lives is not the end of the world.  Instead, curling up together, watching our favorite shows while the dishes are still in the sink allows us to keep the peace at home.  As for the sexy lingerie bit - have you ever asked her what she would want you to wear?  Pre-kids -  I had quite the collection.  But my husband and I don't care that it's collecting dust as we raise our 2 little ones.  Believe me, there is so much more romance in being in a content marriage than trying to force someone to wear something so you can get it when you want it.   You also need to understand the physical and emotional changes a woman goes through after having kids.  Her self-esteem and her desire to please is not going to get boosted by asking her to wear maid outfits.  Try a nice back massage or surprise her and make a candlelight dinner  or offer to babysit the kids while she takes the afternoon off- anything that shows you appreciate her - with NO expectations!  You'll be surprised at how that will make her feel.