Replies to '07/16 Bully Husband'

     Some will question why this woman hasn't left this marriage.  They will wonder why she's willing to accept the put downs, the lying, cheating and though he only push her a little, the physical abuse.  She knows that what he's doing is wrong.  She even knows that his actions not only hurt her, but her children as well.  So why does she stay?  She's hoping for what was.  The rationale side of her brain is saying get the heck out of here.  Her romantic side is trying to recapture the love, the joy the thrills they had at the begining of the relationship.  The rational and romantic sides may be overlaping at this time, but they will gradually pull apart.  One day she will be able to look at her situation and say I deserve better. 

     This woman has suffered greatly.  She may not have visible bruises, but she is bruised inside. She is scared of leaving.  I suspect she's wondering...If she is the problem...What's he going to do if I leave?.....Is he going to take the kids?  Can I survive without him?  Will he pay child support?  What about the house?  What about the bills? Where do I go from here?  I'm fat, I'm ugly...at least that's what I've been told over and over again by the one person who should love me the most, no one else is ever going to want me....I'm going to die a lonely old woman.... Maybe he'll change if I just hang in there.  I hate this marriage....I wish this was over.....

     I've been this woman for the past 10.7 years.  I'm not a weak individual.  I'm actually the manager of a staff of over 100.  I'm the bread winner...always have been.  Yet my husband convinced me that I wan't worthy of respect.  That I should accept his put downs, his cheating etc....after all, he did say sorry later, he just wanted me to love him more...he just wanted to get more of my attention.  10.4 years of marriage, three rounds of therapy trying to figure out what's preventing me from just walking away....what am I hanging on for.  Honestly, I was hoping he would see how miserable he made me feel and that he would change back to the man he was when we first met (in hindsight he probably never changed, I just hand love blinders on and couldn't see his faults)..... New page in life, the rational and romantic sides of my brain have now separated...good news for me....bad news for him....3 months into a divorce and life is getting better each day.  Still have a long way to go....still worried about becoming a cat woman in my later years, but at least I will be happy. 

     Counseling mixed with time is what she needs.  I can't wait to see the follow-up episode...I wonder who's going to be singing the blues then, I'm guessing the husband.