Replies to '12/28 Wifestyles'

Frankly, the first five minutes I watched the video in your house I thought it was an episode somewhat like extreme makeovers (or like the episode of the wife with clutter who wanted Dr. Phil's help).  So I can see why you interpreted it that way also.  However, as the video played out, the way it was edited (plus the way it was promoted prior) made the video about something affective, rather than the analytical logistics problem of how to get stuff done in a day. 

Then pow!  the lightbulb went on:  to the analytical mind, everything gets picked apart, since that's what analysis is SUPPOSED to do.  But to the affective mind, picking things apart is threatening.  So if you have an analytical job, you get used to picking things apart;  but if you have an affective job (i.e., motherhood) you get used to smoothing things over.  Two different thinking patterns, both trained repeatedly every day, can mean temporary misunderstandings.  

That's why, in politics and family relationships, we so often seem to be talking PAST each other, I bet.  The analytical mind expresses love by more-intense analytical function;  but to the affective mind, this intensity sends the opposite message.  Wow:  wish I understood this YEARS ago! 

I can't thank Dr. Phil and you both enough for doing this show.  For UNTIL this episode, I didn't realize that because I have an analytical mind, it drives folks close to me.. crazy.  Most folks are affective-minded, or their jobs depend on them being affective (i.e., politics, sales, social work).  So the analytical mind is nerdy, by comparison.  Doctors, lawyers, wordsmiths, historians, computer folks, engineers, reporters and the like thus often receive a love-hate response from people:  "too much information"! 

So this episode depicted Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors; the analytical mindset means thing "A" but the affective mindset hears  "A" with OPPOSITE MEANING on what might be called the 'other side' of the mirror of perceptions.  

 I really can't thank you and your wife enough for agreeing to be on the show! 

GRANT, 

I NOTICED THAT YOU ARE REALLY GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY TO RESPOND TO THE THINGS THAT ARE SAID THAT MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD.  WHY IS THAT?  IS IT THAT IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE RIGHT, EVEN IF IT IS AT YOUR WIFE'S EXPENSE? 

SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU ARE SO BUSY TRYING TO BE RIGHT, THAT YOU ARE REALLY MISSING WHAT THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO TELL YOU.  MAYBE YOUR HOUSE COULD BE CLEANER.  MAYBE YOUR WIFE SHOULD DRESS UP MORE.  BUT IF YOU ARE CAUSING A PERSON TO FEEL LIKE CRAP, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.  DO ME A FAVOR AND LOOK INTO YOUR WIFE'S EYES.  BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF - DO YOU SEE JOY IN HER EYES?  DO YOU SEE PASSION IN HER EYES?  DID YOU REALIZE THAT WHILE SHE WAS ON THE SHOW, SHE WAS ON THE VERGE OF CRYING?  SHE WAS ATTEMPTING TO SMILE, BUT HONESTLY, SADNESS WAS WRITTEN ALL OVER HER FACE. 

MAYBE THE PROBLEMS IS YOU.  YOUR WIFE BELIEVES THAT YOU DON['T WANT HER AND THAT YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH HER.  SHE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU MARRIED HER IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY SHE DRESSES OR IF YOU WANT A MOVIE STAR.  NO ONE, WHETHER IT BE A MAN OR WOMAN, WANTS TO FEEL LIKE THEY ARE SECOND BEST OR THAT THE PERSON THEY WERE WITH SETTLED.  THAT IS A TERRIBLE FEELING!   

I KNOW THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT MY HUSBAND WANTS FROM ME THAT I COULD WORK ON.  BUT DESPITE MY FAULTS, I KNOW THAT MY HUSBAND THINKS I AM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD TO HIM.  NO MATTER HOW I LOOK (BECAUSE I KNOW SOMETIMES I DON'T LOOK TOO HOT) HE THINKS I AM BEAUTIFUL.  HE TELLS ME EVERYDAY...AND I MEAN EVERY DAY.  AND NOT ONLY DOES HE TELL ME, HE , I AND EVERY ONE ELSE CAN SEE THE LOVE IN HIS EYES.  IT IS AN AMAZING THING!  AND EVERY DAY I TELL MY HUSBAND HOW HANDSOME AND SEXY HE IS AND HOW MUCH I WANT HIM.  AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE SNORES SO LOUD EVERY NIGHT, I STILL THINK HE IS SEXY.     

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS TO BE A GREAT LEADER, BUT A GREAT LEADER KNOWS HOW TO INSPIRE GREATNESS.   AND MAYBE YOU NEED TO EVALUATE IF KELLY IS REALLY WHAT YOU WANT.  I KNOW YOU ARE THINKING OF YOUR CHILDREN, BUT YOU MUST KNOW THAT CHILDREN DO NOT FUNCTION WELL IN AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE THE PARENTS ARE MISERABLE.  THEY NOTICE EVEN AT YOUNG AGES.    IF YOU HONESTLY DO NOT LOOK AT YOUR WIFE AND SEE THE BEAUTY THAT ONLY A HUSBAND CAN SEE, THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD LET HER GO.   

YOU ORGANIZING THE CABINETS FOR HER OR THE HOUSE GETTING CLEANER DOES NOT FIX THE PROBLEM THAT YOUR WIFE FEELS HURT BY YOU AND DOES NOT FEEL VERY WANTED OR LOVED BY YOU.  CAN I TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN BE SO HURTFUL TO A PERSON THAT THEY CAN LOSE THEMSELVES AND FALL INTO A DEPRESSION.  IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR WIFE? 

PLEASE THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAID.