Replies to 'Childhood Sexual Abuse Support'

I will be praying for you to find your peace with your past.  I know i sound like a major Bible thumper but up until 4 years ago I did not even know about the Bible or God.  I am telling you to trust in Him and let Him help you heal!  I was able to stand up in front of 45 strangers and tell my story after He took away my shame and my pain!  Your message sounds like it is so full of anger, hurt and written with a deep down sickness in the very pit of your stomach!  i am so very sorry for your continued hurt and hope and pray you find peace soon!  I tell people that you do not truly forgive someone unless you can lay your hand on them and not feel scared or uneasy.  I actually did that last Christmas.  I was walking by him and placed my hand on his back to push my way through.  I did that because damn it  i refuse to be afraid any longer - It was not my fault and I am not ashamed!

In Christ's love!

Hello, I know exactly how you feel.

When I was young, I was sexually abused for about 3 years, by my grandfather. My parents found out about it when I was 7, but nothing was ever done.  At one point, after my parents found out, my mother took me to see a child psychologist and he told my mother that I would fine--what a joke.

Anyway, I have been in therapy for the last 4 1/2 years and in 2005, I decided to press charges against my grandfather. It was a long haul, including a wired phone call to my abuser, and many trips to the court, but in the end, my grandfather took a plea bargain and was sentenced to 5-10 years in prison. He was sentenced when he was 82 years old.

I am not a vindictive person and it took me a very long time to decide have charges pressed. My father didn't speak to me for about a year, my grandmother still doesn't speak to me. So, I know how hard it is when you think about how you could confront your abuser or talk to your parents about the abuse. I actually felt guilty, again, when I was in the midst of the criminal case, because I thought that I was ruining my grandfather's life...........

My advise to you is to seek psychiatric help. The anger that you feel is only hurting you. A good therapist can help you learn to deal with your anger and train your mind to deal with your emotions more effectively. Maybe, then you could talk to your mother about how you feel or felt when she abandoned you in the middle of your abuse.

I also understand you when you say that your husband supports you but doesn't understand you. My husband is very much the same way. He has known for as long as I have known him that I was sexually abused and he still does not understand why I just can't forget about it. But, I cannot expect him to understand something that is so foreign to him. Thus, this is another reason to seek out a good therapist. I guarantee that if you find a good therapist and stick with it (because it is very hard in the beginning), it will be the best decision you have ever made in your life.

About certain smells bringing back the memories--I hate that as well. It's like a rush of unexpected memories and emotions at any given instance, simply because you smelled something--it simply sucks.

Well, I wish you the best and I am more than willing to talk and listen if you ever need anyone to just talk to.

~Jennifer