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Replies to '02/25 Deadly Thin'
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February 25, 2008, 9:09 am PST
 Quote From: tikker12 I know shows like this help people and I appreciate the awareness they bring. I wish that he could do it without the graphic pictures. I have spent everyday since the hurricane, hanging on for dearlife with my eating disorder, having to watch the preview was like someone stomping on my figures. I realize tv's can be turned off, but when the preview first came on there was little I could do. Last week I did not watch dr phil knowing it would be previewed again and when the weekly shows were sent to my inbox for this week I deleted it so I wouldn't see it everyday in my inbox. I fight depression, DID, anxiety, I'd rather stay away from people then infect myself in their life. Monday I have to get rid of my cat, luckly he is going back to his "dad", because of some abuse I am not consciously aware of, and I know that he the cat is a trigger, and I worry about his safety. I have a contract with my therapist not to take any pills or cut uncontrollabley, I am only able to even write this because I've had a few drinks...don't feel any better, but at least I feel enough to care a little. As things are right now anyone in their right mind would end it all, but I am strubburn and a fighter, and with all that stuff I still believe there has to be a way out, a solution. That's why it makes me so sad, that as hard as I fight everyday for some resemblence of a life, that something as simple as being able to eat normally, to not have to hide any eviedence I've eaten, that the shame and failure of food is what will probably kill me. I think it's very telling that the image of you (that is you, isn't it?) that you have with your posting is extremely blurred....kind of says to me that you don't see yourself clearly and don't want others to either.
You say you are seeing a therapist, and that's good....but, is this therapist truly helping you? It doesn't sound like it....however, I don't know where you were before you began therapy...but it's obvious that you have a long way to go, and I sure hope you are able to get where you need to be.
You said you were "stubborn and a fighter"..I hope for your sake that is true...but, the last line of your post concerns me because it indicates that you have given up and are resigned to dying.
You also said that you have a "contract" with your therapist not to take pills or to cut yourself uncontrollably.....However, I will tell you that it is still morning and you're already drinking, and that will undermine any progress you may make. If your present therapy isn't doing enough, I hope you will seek more help. If one thing doesn't help, you have to try another. There are many resources available.
Your life is valuable, and you can contribute something to society if you choose to do so. One way to help yourself is to get your focus off yourself and help others. Our personal problems are never so little as when we see those who are so much worse off, and we find that we can make a difference in their lives. |
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