Message Boards
Replies to 'Anorexia'
|
March 8, 2008, 11:25 pm PST
 Quote From: destinyrose85 PLease I have suffered from anorexia over the past year. I went from wieghing 225lbs down to 95 in less than a year. Thanks to family ove just the past few months i have managed to go from eating 100 calories a day to eating more. Corrently i am up to weighing about 106lbs, and at first i was doing good with eating. But now i am really scared because all i can think about is food. ( i don't know if it's because i deprived myself for so long?) I dont eat expeccially before i go to work in the morning because i dont want to feel like a fat pig, but when i am by myself all i can think about is food and it is extremely difficult not to go into the kitchen and just start pigging out. I really dont want to have to live my entire life like this, constantly thinking about food and worrying about what im eating. it has gotten to the point where i have lost contact with most of family who i used to be extremely close with, and i think i am slowly loosing my friends. I am so scared that all this pressure is going to lead me back down to not eating anything again because in the long run I truly was happier when i didnt have food in my stomach, i didnt have to worry about feeling like a fat pig. ALso i have had a lot of people come up to me and tell me how i look much better because i have gained a little bit of wait and when they say things like that to me it just makes me feel worse. I really am at the point that I don't know what to do, i havent been able to sleep through an entire night in the past month and ahalf.  You can read more about my personal story on my myspace (myspace.com/Spoiledblonde697). I am in a similar situation...my lowest weight was 100, and I'm like 104 right now, my highest weight was, probably 143 in the seventh grade (But we are SO not supposed to talk numbers!)...same height, 65 in. . I've been in and out of treatment for a long time, and I'm only twenty. I just totally understand all of your emotions, and I know it doesn't mean anything, but you aren't a fat pig. It's something we all know intellectually, but are unable to internalize. My struggle is exacerbated by a history of sexual assault... Every day is a struggle...I'm hesitant to put a picture of myself on here, because I do NOT want it to be triggering in any way to anyone (Especially since when I put pic.s on myspace my family almost disowned me so I had to delete them.) But since I see myself as in the recovery mindset, and a lot like you, I guess I will share some pictures. It's the dangers and obsession of this disease that make me so frightened. I want to get better so bad...The pictures are the worst effects of my illness, and some of my better moments. This is probably one of my worst, because I was just absolutely rock bottom. These are all about a week to three weeks old...the scars are from my history of self harm, which is another issue altogether. But this is NOT NOT NOT a competition, that only makes things worse. THIS, THIS PICTURE, is disgusting, and I know it.
This is motteling, my blood pools at all my pressure points. I also have arthritis in my back, insomnia, severe depression, anxiety...and all that good stuff that we all know about
The twisting of my spine is what really hurts so much...the point of these photos is not to compete, or glamourize. It's to talk about an illness we all have in common...we've been there, some still are. Raising awareness is so important to me, that I WILL open myself up to the public. This not something I want, and I don't think it's something any of us want...but I can NOT speak for everyone.
One final image, so people can see my face. It's not happy, it's not proud of an accomplishment...I just want to get through this, and live life like a normal girl. Lots of people need help, Dr. Phil can't take on every anorexic in the world...personal responsibility comes in somewhere, and I'm a hypocrite for saying so because I'm not fully recovered. But being able to talk about my struggles has been extremely helpful, and I hope that somehow it helped those that don't "get it" to understand a little better...for everyone else, I was just preaching to the choir I suppose. Contacting me via myspace or AIM is totally ok...support in recovery is always a good thing.
xoxo Cortney
I HOPE THIS WAS NOT BAD FOR ANYONE. IF IT IS, EMAIL ME IMMEDIATELY AND I WILL TAKE IT DOWN. I DO NOT WANT TO BE A TRIGGER. I FEEL FOR ANYONE WHO IS SUFFERING, AND TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS LIKE.
|
|
Return to the Message Board
