Replies to '06/23 Alter Egos'

I hate to say it - but I to fell for an online romance.  My problem is that the guy is now living with me!!!

I am by no means a stupid person, but I was hearing what I wanted, and at times desperately needed to hear. I saw the red flags and ignored my intuition many times.  I caught him in lies that he would always reason away. Living on separate coastlines, we corresponded for over a year, which graduated into 9 hour conversations for days on end. I did my best to verify his credentials...not much to go on. No drivers license, credit cards-nothing! His constant threats of suicide and disappearing acts kept me on edge and glued to him. I did try to break away many times, only to be sucked back in by his threat s of suicide.  His story was always one of bad misfortune, down and out, with no one to turn to. I being lonely myself found a mutual partner. His demeanor was (and still is), quiet, unassuming, understanding and sympathetic.  After many broken promises to meet, I gave the ultimatum: Stop leading me on...if you don't come by Xmas-we're done!  Many more crying jags and hard luck stories, I bought him the plane fare to come. (FYI: Any and all investments toward him have been now reimbursed.) When he got here, it was a totally different story!  There has been nothing to prove or validate any of the things he professed to me.  It has been me making all the effort, with very little return.  I have shared my whole life and everything I have with someone I thought I would have a future with.  After a year of living with someone whom I think is in the closet about his sexuality (as there has been no intimacy to speak of), I finally had it with all his drama and have demoted him to roommate status.  I said early on, that if we met and it didn't work out, that we could remain friends and help each other to get to where we needed to be.  Unfortunately it has not been reciprocated.  He is sneaky, secretive, ambiguous and clearly continues to lie about who and what he is to all.  I haven't figured out if he is mentally imbalanced, or just a very shrewd operator!  He actually still talks about the future together, even though we do not even see each other or communicate!!!  In any event, I find myself asking how did I get here, and how and when will it end. It's unfortunate that we need each other for financial support. On one hand I feel sorry for him and on the other I can't stand him!  I'm pissed at myself for not having better judgment and letting him manipulate me.  And now I'm searching for the how and when to a new future without him

I hate to say it - but I to fell for an online romance.  My problem is that the guy is now living with me!!!

I am by no means a stupid person, but I was hearing what I wanted, and at times desperately needed to hear. I saw the red flags and ignored my intuition many times.  I caught him in lies that he would always reason away. Living on separate coastlines, we corresponded for over a year, which graduated into 9 hour conversations for days on end. I did my best to verify his credentials...not much to go on. No drivers license, credit cards-nothing! His constant threats of suicide and disappearing acts kept me on edge and glued to him. I did try to break away many times, only to be sucked back in by his threat s of suicide.  His story was always one of bad misfortune, down and out, with no one to turn to. I being lonely myself found a mutual partner. His demeanor was (and still is), quiet, unassuming, understanding and sympathetic.  After many broken promises to meet, I gave the ultimatum: Stop leading me on...if you don't come by Xmas-we're done!  Many more crying jags and hard luck stories, I bought him the plane fare to come. (FYI: Any and all investments toward him have been now reimbursed.) When he got here, it was a totally different story!  There has been nothing to prove or validate any of the things he professed to me.  It has been me making all the effort, with very little return.  I have shared my whole life and everything I have with someone I thought I would have a future with.  After a year of living with someone whom I think is in the closet about his sexuality (as there has been no intimacy to speak of), I finally had it with all his drama and have demoted him to roommate status.  I said early on, that if we met and it didn't work out, that we could remain friends and help each other to get to where we needed to be.  Unfortunately it has not been reciprocated.  He is sneaky, secretive, ambiguous and clearly continues to lie about who and what he is to all.  I haven't figured out if he is mentally imbalanced, or just a very shrewd operator!  He actually still talks about the future together, even though we do not even see each other or communicate!!!  In any event, I find myself asking how did I get here, and how and when will it end. It's unfortunate that we need each other for financial support. On one hand I feel sorry for him and on the other I can't stand him!  I'm pissed at myself for not having better judgment and letting him manipulate me.  And now I'm searching for the how and when to a new future without him