Replies to 'Ending Toxic Friendships'

 
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October 13, 2005, 8:11 am PDT

Take care of yourself

Quote From: abraham

my close friend of a year and a half recently was told by her family that our friendship was unacceptable because I was too needy and manipulative.  Both of which are not true.  I have been very helpful to her many times with family relationship issues.  But now because of this "announcement" by her family, she has to talk to me and see me on the sly.  This hurts me and her.  But more and more she accepts this and is rude to me when I question her about the situation.  She also has become very close with another old friend, but insists that she and i are still best friends. This has really upset me, but she is very busy and doesn't seem to want to change the situation anytime soon.  How could we have been so close and all of a sudden, I am "thrown over" for somebody else?  Should I give up on this?

I have a feeling that you are putting a lot into this friendship and that this recent issue is probably draining you of much energy.  

  

How does her family know so much about your friendship? They are forming an opinion of you from whatever she is communicating to them about you. 

  

You should take some time and focus on yourself, take a class alone...this time of year colleges offer seminars in a lot of cool stuff like water painting and pottery, beginner photography... join a gym or a yoga class...you will meet other people and feel much better.  

  

Good Luck. 

  

Kristen 

 
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October 13, 2005, 9:38 am PDT

Take a hard look at your actions.

Quote From: abraham

my close friend of a year and a half recently was told by her family that our friendship was unacceptable because I was too needy and manipulative.  Both of which are not true.  I have been very helpful to her many times with family relationship issues.  But now because of this "announcement" by her family, she has to talk to me and see me on the sly.  This hurts me and her.  But more and more she accepts this and is rude to me when I question her about the situation.  She also has become very close with another old friend, but insists that she and i are still best friends. This has really upset me, but she is very busy and doesn't seem to want to change the situation anytime soon.  How could we have been so close and all of a sudden, I am "thrown over" for somebody else?  Should I give up on this?
 It would seem that your close friend thinks there is some truth in what her family has said about you. Now, the labels that others put on us are just that...labels. They are based on the perceptions of others and have nothing to do with the real you, BUT, perceptions are based on what you are presenting to the world.

For example, when I was a child, I was labelled as "shy"; as a teenager the labels also included "stuck up", and "stupid". None of which were true. The truth was, I had hearing problems due to many ear infections. When I was young, hearing screenings were not given in school like they are now. I didn't hear everything that was said, so retreated into my own little world. The labels were not true, they were not fair, but that was the persona that I presented to the world.

So, take a good look at your persona. Is there anything about yourself that would lead others to think of you as "needy" or "manipulative"? Is there something you could change about yourself, to help others to see the real you?
 


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