Quote From: jodieskinnerOn February 12, 2008, my youngest child's 1st birthday, my husband and I found out that the baby I was carrying had died at 6 weeks. I was 10 weeks along. I had no idea there was anything wrong. I went in for an ultra sound just because and they couldn't find a heartbeat. It was awful. The radiologist was horrible. He said "I'm sorry. You're going to lose it" and walked out. He didn't say how long it would take or anything. I walked around for over a week with a dead baby inside of me. It was just the worst feeling I've ever had. I felt like a tomb. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror because I felt so disgusting. I ended up having a D&C because my body just wouldn't let it go.
The worst part of the whole thing is the way that people responded. My own parents suggested that I might be grateful because a few more months between our youngest and another baby wouldn't be such a bad thing. Unbelievable! This was their grandchild and they don't even care. I had a baby and it DIED! I don't understand how people can think that it doesn't matter just because it wasn't kicking of breathing. It was still MY BABY and I wanted it!
It's been about 3 weeks and people don't understand why I'm not over it yet. I don't know how you get over loosing a child. I keep trying to picture him/her in my mind. I just feel so empty and alone. I still cry all the time. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up but then I think about my other kids and I just can't bear to leave them.
How do you move on from a loss that leave you so empty and alone? A loss that rips your heart out and changes who you are? I don't know!!
When I was in the hospital for our miscarriage, there was nothing they could do to stop it but since it started already they gave me a few options. They told me that we could just wait until it completed itself, do an insert, or a D&C. I couldn't handle waiting a week, 2 weeks, a month of bleeding to continue to "wait" for the baby to leave. I opted for the inserts since the worst of the bleeding had already pasted.
I can say that I empathize with you but I don't know exactly how you feel. Everyone's loss is always different. The Hospital continued to send letters that they were sorry for our loss, I think that was more the Army than anything. But as I was just starting to get over the larger part of the hump, the letters would come again. It has been almost 9 months and our baby's due date is coming up. We had put it on the calender and then had to cross it off. You will never get over losing a child, but you will get through it. My husband went out to the Hallmark store a few weeks after and bought an angel statue. He told me that it was our angel and that it would watch over us forever. We keep it in our family room and it blesses us everyday!!!! You could always find a symbol to help you know that your baby is always there.
You will be okay!!! You need to be for your oldest child!!!
Good luck and God Bless!!!!
