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Replies to '03/07 Dr. Phil Now: Sex Offenders Next Door'
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March 6, 2008, 4:46 pm PST
 Quote From: trlemay I am the mother of a sex offender...I'll explain, my son at the age of 19 ( by one month) met a girl on MySpace whom he thought was 21. She had posted 21, she looked 18, I think. They got together after chatting online several times. He has always liked girls a few years older than him...he asked questions such as "where's your car" she replied, "it's in the shop", he made other comments and asked other things, she had a reply that would validate her age of 21. They were together consensually twice. This girl has been dating a 23 year old and others, my son just happened to be the one to admit to knowing her and being with her, he didn't think anything of it when questioned by the authorities. This girl was actually 14, her father is an investigator the the local sheriff's dept. My son is sitting in jail with a whole bunch of young guys in this same situation, he is also sitting in jail with a man that sexually abused his own 4 year old daughter, older men who have forced themselves on young girls within the same age of the girl that my son was with. I ask why do we place ALL of these people in the same bucket and label them the same? My thoughts are that the sex offenders have different classifications for the degree of the offense. Do you agree? I thought the same as all of you who have expressed your thoughts and feelings as to where they should live and how "they" should be treated by society. I thought those thoughts until I walked in the shoes of the mother of a sex offender. I can't express the hurt that I feel, not for me, but for my son and the other kids that do have the scarlet letter forever stamped on their forehead. Where does my son live when he gets out, where does he work, is banning sex offenders from neighborhoods discrimination, is it fair? This "girl" that I speak of is still advertising herself on MySpace, with the same age of 21 posted, with the same picture that makes her look pretty close to the age she has posted. Her life didn't stop, her life didn't change, she's not locked up for entrapment or lying or changing my son's life forever. What's fair about that I don't believe your son is a sex offender. I don't think anyone who is tricked or lied to in a situation like that is. I also don't believe two teens having sex should label one as a sex offender. It's unfortunate that your son is dumped into the category with the real criminals. I believe when people mention punishments for sex offenders they are referring to the sick people preying on small children and abusing our youth. The kids pretending to be older than they are should face consequences. It's not right nor is it justice for them to get away with what they are doing. The ruin Innocent people's lives and don't have to own up to what they've done. |
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March 6, 2008, 5:04 pm PST
Quote From: trlemay I am the mother of a sex offender...I'll explain, my son at the age of 19 ( by one month) met a girl on MySpace whom he thought was 21. She had posted 21, she looked 18, I think. They got together after chatting online several times. He has always liked girls a few years older than him...he asked questions such as "where's your car" she replied, "it's in the shop", he made other comments and asked other things, she had a reply that would validate her age of 21. They were together consensually twice. This girl has been dating a 23 year old and others, my son just happened to be the one to admit to knowing her and being with her, he didn't think anything of it when questioned by the authorities. This girl was actually 14, her father is an investigator the the local sheriff's dept. My son is sitting in jail with a whole bunch of young guys in this same situation, he is also sitting in jail with a man that sexually abused his own 4 year old daughter, older men who have forced themselves on young girls within the same age of the girl that my son was with. I ask why do we place ALL of these people in the same bucket and label them the same? My thoughts are that the sex offenders have different classifications for the degree of the offense. Do you agree? I thought the same as all of you who have expressed your thoughts and feelings as to where they should live and how "they" should be treated by society. I thought those thoughts until I walked in the shoes of the mother of a sex offender. I can't express the hurt that I feel, not for me, but for my son and the other kids that do have the scarlet letter forever stamped on their forehead. Where does my son live when he gets out, where does he work, is banning sex offenders from neighborhoods discrimination, is it fair? This "girl" that I speak of is still advertising herself on MySpace, with the same age of 21 posted, with the same picture that makes her look pretty close to the age she has posted. Her life didn't stop, her life didn't change, she's not locked up for entrapment or lying or changing my son's life forever. What's fair about that I agree that our penal system is labeling people as sex offenders who are not preditors. We need to re-classity the differences between real threats to our children, like a John Cuohy, from people who don't deserve to be placed in that category. Not everyone who had sex with an under-aged person is a sexual threat. Our young people are sexually active and look older than we did so why can they engage in sex with someone 18 willingly , not admit their age and then the older person spends the rest of their life with the stigma of being a sexual offender? |
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March 6, 2008, 5:38 pm PST
Quote From: trlemay I am the mother of a sex offender...I'll explain, my son at the age of 19 ( by one month) met a girl on MySpace whom he thought was 21. She had posted 21, she looked 18, I think. They got together after chatting online several times. He has always liked girls a few years older than him...he asked questions such as "where's your car" she replied, "it's in the shop", he made other comments and asked other things, she had a reply that would validate her age of 21. They were together consensually twice. This girl has been dating a 23 year old and others, my son just happened to be the one to admit to knowing her and being with her, he didn't think anything of it when questioned by the authorities. This girl was actually 14, her father is an investigator the the local sheriff's dept. My son is sitting in jail with a whole bunch of young guys in this same situation, he is also sitting in jail with a man that sexually abused his own 4 year old daughter, older men who have forced themselves on young girls within the same age of the girl that my son was with. I ask why do we place ALL of these people in the same bucket and label them the same? My thoughts are that the sex offenders have different classifications for the degree of the offense. Do you agree? I thought the same as all of you who have expressed your thoughts and feelings as to where they should live and how "they" should be treated by society. I thought those thoughts until I walked in the shoes of the mother of a sex offender. I can't express the hurt that I feel, not for me, but for my son and the other kids that do have the scarlet letter forever stamped on their forehead. Where does my son live when he gets out, where does he work, is banning sex offenders from neighborhoods discrimination, is it fair? This "girl" that I speak of is still advertising herself on MySpace, with the same age of 21 posted, with the same picture that makes her look pretty close to the age she has posted. Her life didn't stop, her life didn't change, she's not locked up for entrapment or lying or changing my son's life forever. What's fair about that I am sorry to hear about your son and the situation that has happened. I do not necessarily feel that it is fair. But what about those kids who maybe are 21 or so and they are looking to prey on a minor who may only be 14 or 15. They could say that thought that person was older too. The line is very thin. I personally do not think that a "sex offender" should be alive. The rehabilition is what, less then 10%? Gimme a break. We don't need more laws. We need to enforce the laws we have and quit wasting time and money on species that hurt others. I do pray for your family as it seems as if your sons new "title" will be a death wish for him. |
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March 6, 2008, 10:09 pm PST
Quote From: trlemay I am the mother of a sex offender...I'll explain, my son at the age of 19 ( by one month) met a girl on MySpace whom he thought was 21. She had posted 21, she looked 18, I think. They got together after chatting online several times. He has always liked girls a few years older than him...he asked questions such as "where's your car" she replied, "it's in the shop", he made other comments and asked other things, she had a reply that would validate her age of 21. They were together consensually twice. This girl has been dating a 23 year old and others, my son just happened to be the one to admit to knowing her and being with her, he didn't think anything of it when questioned by the authorities. This girl was actually 14, her father is an investigator the the local sheriff's dept. My son is sitting in jail with a whole bunch of young guys in this same situation, he is also sitting in jail with a man that sexually abused his own 4 year old daughter, older men who have forced themselves on young girls within the same age of the girl that my son was with. I ask why do we place ALL of these people in the same bucket and label them the same? My thoughts are that the sex offenders have different classifications for the degree of the offense. Do you agree? I thought the same as all of you who have expressed your thoughts and feelings as to where they should live and how "they" should be treated by society. I thought those thoughts until I walked in the shoes of the mother of a sex offender. I can't express the hurt that I feel, not for me, but for my son and the other kids that do have the scarlet letter forever stamped on their forehead. Where does my son live when he gets out, where does he work, is banning sex offenders from neighborhoods discrimination, is it fair? This "girl" that I speak of is still advertising herself on MySpace, with the same age of 21 posted, with the same picture that makes her look pretty close to the age she has posted. Her life didn't stop, her life didn't change, she's not locked up for entrapment or lying or changing my son's life forever. What's fair about that I feel your pain and I totally understand your frustration. Almost the same thing happened to my son years ago but not with "my space" of course. He has to register and it NOT only messed up his life it has mine too! Believe me when i say that people want to believe the worst! They like the smut and sex and all the nasty that goes with it rather than listening to the truth and trying to see some good in people and then they kick you when you're down! Everyone remember .................it is against the law to harrass sex offenders too!! I am not sticking up for REAL OFFENDERS!! By no means but like one person or more have stated there should be categories NOT just all thrown into one big boiling pot ! My son did time in prison and he took all the programs he could get to help him to be a better person and to be able to identify situations that might get him into trouble again. He has been out for over 5 years now and is married and has a little girl and they are very happy together but that is NOT without problems of course. We live in a small community of Danish stuck up "better than thou" people and omgggggggg some people will do anything to try to cause you grief! They just don't have a life i guess so they have to get into yours! Such a shame I'd say!! Joyce in Minnesota |
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March 7, 2008, 9:34 am PST
Quote From: trlemay I am the mother of a sex offender...I'll explain, my son at the age of 19 ( by one month) met a girl on MySpace whom he thought was 21. She had posted 21, she looked 18, I think. They got together after chatting online several times. He has always liked girls a few years older than him...he asked questions such as "where's your car" she replied, "it's in the shop", he made other comments and asked other things, she had a reply that would validate her age of 21. They were together consensually twice. This girl has been dating a 23 year old and others, my son just happened to be the one to admit to knowing her and being with her, he didn't think anything of it when questioned by the authorities. This girl was actually 14, her father is an investigator the the local sheriff's dept. My son is sitting in jail with a whole bunch of young guys in this same situation, he is also sitting in jail with a man that sexually abused his own 4 year old daughter, older men who have forced themselves on young girls within the same age of the girl that my son was with. I ask why do we place ALL of these people in the same bucket and label them the same? My thoughts are that the sex offenders have different classifications for the degree of the offense. Do you agree? I thought the same as all of you who have expressed your thoughts and feelings as to where they should live and how "they" should be treated by society. I thought those thoughts until I walked in the shoes of the mother of a sex offender. I can't express the hurt that I feel, not for me, but for my son and the other kids that do have the scarlet letter forever stamped on their forehead. Where does my son live when he gets out, where does he work, is banning sex offenders from neighborhoods discrimination, is it fair? This "girl" that I speak of is still advertising herself on MySpace, with the same age of 21 posted, with the same picture that makes her look pretty close to the age she has posted. Her life didn't stop, her life didn't change, she's not locked up for entrapment or lying or changing my son's life forever. What's fair about that I'm sorry to hear about your son facing this kind of abuse. It's not fair, & it is in no way his fault, as the girl whom he was talking to got him in a lot of trouble based on lies. Shame on her father for not banning her MySpace account in the first place. As for the girl, she honestly needs a good kick in the rear for causing so much pain for you & your family. That's Entrapment! She will get hers one day, trust me!
If I were you, I would call a lawyer about this situation immediately. |
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March 7, 2008, 1:52 pm PST
Quote From: trlemay I am the mother of a sex offender...I'll explain, my son at the age of 19 ( by one month) met a girl on MySpace whom he thought was 21. She had posted 21, she looked 18, I think. They got together after chatting online several times. He has always liked girls a few years older than him...he asked questions such as "where's your car" she replied, "it's in the shop", he made other comments and asked other things, she had a reply that would validate her age of 21. They were together consensually twice. This girl has been dating a 23 year old and others, my son just happened to be the one to admit to knowing her and being with her, he didn't think anything of it when questioned by the authorities. This girl was actually 14, her father is an investigator the the local sheriff's dept. My son is sitting in jail with a whole bunch of young guys in this same situation, he is also sitting in jail with a man that sexually abused his own 4 year old daughter, older men who have forced themselves on young girls within the same age of the girl that my son was with. I ask why do we place ALL of these people in the same bucket and label them the same? My thoughts are that the sex offenders have different classifications for the degree of the offense. Do you agree? I thought the same as all of you who have expressed your thoughts and feelings as to where they should live and how "they" should be treated by society. I thought those thoughts until I walked in the shoes of the mother of a sex offender. I can't express the hurt that I feel, not for me, but for my son and the other kids that do have the scarlet letter forever stamped on their forehead. Where does my son live when he gets out, where does he work, is banning sex offenders from neighborhoods discrimination, is it fair? This "girl" that I speak of is still advertising herself on MySpace, with the same age of 21 posted, with the same picture that makes her look pretty close to the age she has posted. Her life didn't stop, her life didn't change, she's not locked up for entrapment or lying or changing my son's life forever. What's fair about that sorry, your son broke the law, she lied isn't a defence, most jurys will and do follow the instruction given to them.your son was 19, 5 years older then the girl. Your son by law was the adult she the child. at 18 a child becomes a adult, they can sign contracts, move out and live on their own ,join the army and die for are country,
The girl is 14, fourteen year old girls do not act like 21 year old women, there had to be a million signs, your adult 19 year old son choose to ignore, took a chance and lost,
Your son should be to poster boy, for which others to learn from, know what your getting in to, check drivers license, don't beleive very thingyou see on a my space page, most are lie space pages. |
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March 7, 2008, 3:08 pm PST
Quote From: trlemay I am the mother of a sex offender...I'll explain, my son at the age of 19 ( by one month) met a girl on MySpace whom he thought was 21. She had posted 21, she looked 18, I think. They got together after chatting online several times. He has always liked girls a few years older than him...he asked questions such as "where's your car" she replied, "it's in the shop", he made other comments and asked other things, she had a reply that would validate her age of 21. They were together consensually twice. This girl has been dating a 23 year old and others, my son just happened to be the one to admit to knowing her and being with her, he didn't think anything of it when questioned by the authorities. This girl was actually 14, her father is an investigator the the local sheriff's dept. My son is sitting in jail with a whole bunch of young guys in this same situation, he is also sitting in jail with a man that sexually abused his own 4 year old daughter, older men who have forced themselves on young girls within the same age of the girl that my son was with. I ask why do we place ALL of these people in the same bucket and label them the same? My thoughts are that the sex offenders have different classifications for the degree of the offense. Do you agree? I thought the same as all of you who have expressed your thoughts and feelings as to where they should live and how "they" should be treated by society. I thought those thoughts until I walked in the shoes of the mother of a sex offender. I can't express the hurt that I feel, not for me, but for my son and the other kids that do have the scarlet letter forever stamped on their forehead. Where does my son live when he gets out, where does he work, is banning sex offenders from neighborhoods discrimination, is it fair? This "girl" that I speak of is still advertising herself on MySpace, with the same age of 21 posted, with the same picture that makes her look pretty close to the age she has posted. Her life didn't stop, her life didn't change, she's not locked up for entrapment or lying or changing my son's life forever. What's fair about that it was his job to verify with a birth certificate, lisence, talking to family members of hers, and you should have taught him to date someone before you jump into bed with them, then he would have known she was not over 18, so, he is a sex offender, and btw, what you choose to believe about myspace participants is up to you, but anyone can write anything, nothing is verified |
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March 7, 2008, 6:03 pm PST
Quote From: trlemay I am the mother of a sex offender...I'll explain, my son at the age of 19 ( by one month) met a girl on MySpace whom he thought was 21. She had posted 21, she looked 18, I think. They got together after chatting online several times. He has always liked girls a few years older than him...he asked questions such as "where's your car" she replied, "it's in the shop", he made other comments and asked other things, she had a reply that would validate her age of 21. They were together consensually twice. This girl has been dating a 23 year old and others, my son just happened to be the one to admit to knowing her and being with her, he didn't think anything of it when questioned by the authorities. This girl was actually 14, her father is an investigator the the local sheriff's dept. My son is sitting in jail with a whole bunch of young guys in this same situation, he is also sitting in jail with a man that sexually abused his own 4 year old daughter, older men who have forced themselves on young girls within the same age of the girl that my son was with. I ask why do we place ALL of these people in the same bucket and label them the same? My thoughts are that the sex offenders have different classifications for the degree of the offense. Do you agree? I thought the same as all of you who have expressed your thoughts and feelings as to where they should live and how "they" should be treated by society. I thought those thoughts until I walked in the shoes of the mother of a sex offender. I can't express the hurt that I feel, not for me, but for my son and the other kids that do have the scarlet letter forever stamped on their forehead. Where does my son live when he gets out, where does he work, is banning sex offenders from neighborhoods discrimination, is it fair? This "girl" that I speak of is still advertising herself on MySpace, with the same age of 21 posted, with the same picture that makes her look pretty close to the age she has posted. Her life didn't stop, her life didn't change, she's not locked up for entrapment or lying or changing my son's life forever. What's fair about that I totally agree that putting young kids in jail and not distinguishing between a true predator and kids that use poor judgement is a gross micarrage of justice. These laws and how they are applied are compromising the credibility of SOR's in my opinion. Also, while not being one to blame the victim, lots of young girls are not the sweet innocents as they are portrayed to be in court. Best to you and your son. |
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March 8, 2008, 2:36 pm PST
Quote From: trlemay I am the mother of a sex offender...I'll explain, my son at the age of 19 ( by one month) met a girl on MySpace whom he thought was 21. She had posted 21, she looked 18, I think. They got together after chatting online several times. He has always liked girls a few years older than him...he asked questions such as "where's your car" she replied, "it's in the shop", he made other comments and asked other things, she had a reply that would validate her age of 21. They were together consensually twice. This girl has been dating a 23 year old and others, my son just happened to be the one to admit to knowing her and being with her, he didn't think anything of it when questioned by the authorities. This girl was actually 14, her father is an investigator the the local sheriff's dept. My son is sitting in jail with a whole bunch of young guys in this same situation, he is also sitting in jail with a man that sexually abused his own 4 year old daughter, older men who have forced themselves on young girls within the same age of the girl that my son was with. I ask why do we place ALL of these people in the same bucket and label them the same? My thoughts are that the sex offenders have different classifications for the degree of the offense. Do you agree? I thought the same as all of you who have expressed your thoughts and feelings as to where they should live and how "they" should be treated by society. I thought those thoughts until I walked in the shoes of the mother of a sex offender. I can't express the hurt that I feel, not for me, but for my son and the other kids that do have the scarlet letter forever stamped on their forehead. Where does my son live when he gets out, where does he work, is banning sex offenders from neighborhoods discrimination, is it fair? This "girl" that I speak of is still advertising herself on MySpace, with the same age of 21 posted, with the same picture that makes her look pretty close to the age she has posted. Her life didn't stop, her life didn't change, she's not locked up for entrapment or lying or changing my son's life forever. What's fair about that I 100% agree with you. I have a loved one who is incarcerated. He isn't in for a sex related crime, however, before he was incarcerated I had no idea about the differences when someone is considered a sex offender. Before, I was naive as I think most of the population is. I probably didn't even care because I didn't know anyone who was a convicted sex offender and was just clueless as to the retarded laws that are in place. Most of us don't care if it doesn't involve us. For instance, many people don't know that a person with a very small amount of crack gets far more time than someone who has 4 or 5 xs more cocaine. Laws have recently changed though to fix this problem. But, back to your situation. I had no idea before dealing w/the prison system that someone could get so much time for having consensual sex with someone they thought was of legal age to consent. Girls nowadays look much older than their chronological age. I 100% believe that your son thought this young lady was 21. Why wouldn't he? I think the girls should get charged w/some crime as well. I don't think they should be imprisoned but they need to learn that they can't go around saying they're older than they really are and young men are spending time in prison over some bs and wasting tax payers dollars. Also, I had no clue that you could be considered a sex offender for urinating in public. I, myself, have done so years and years ago. You know, one of those drunken nights where you can't find a bathroom to save your lfie. What's also so stupid and crazy is that different states have different legal ages of consent. How in the hell does that make sense? In one state it might be okay for someone to have sex with a 15 year old and in another 14?!? And then to make matters worse, a child can be charged @ 14 as an adult in the court of law but in most states he/she doesn't have the right to consent to sex? Wow. Can we say "doesn't make sense?" People who rape, molest, and inappropriately touch someone who doesn't want to be touched should be considered a sex offender. I was 14 at one point. I had the hugest crush on an 18 year old. I knew back then that if I was sexually active (which I wasn't), I was able to determine if I wanted to have sex or not. We have 14 year olds all over the country raising children (which I think is terrible by the way, I'm not condoning this) but 14 year olds can't consent to have sex? I just don't get this country and it's backward laws. I have so much empathy for people like yourself and your son solely because I've read many stories like yours. Society causes you and your son to think of yourself as something you aren't . . . your son ( a sex offender) and yourself (mother of a sex offender). Don't believe that sweetie. Life isn't fair sometimes. I tell all of my brothers, if you have sex with a girl, make sure you go through every avenue to validate that girls age. Sometimes a roll in the hay just aint worth it. I wish you and your son happiness in the years to come. Try not to let all of this get you down. |
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