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March 8, 2008, 1:26 pm PST
I THOUGHT I WROTE THIS LETTER, and then forgot I wrote it!!
Quote From: jeanice56In our marriage the problem is that I feel like having sex, often, and my husband says he does, but, we haven't had sex for four years. We have been married for over twenty-five years and we have had some wonderful intimate moments in those twenty-five years. The problem that we have is when we try, nothing happens, for him. I have tried many things and it just doesn't happen. I can't turn him on. This problem has been throughout all of our marriage. I love my husband, and I want sex to be a part of our marriage. Even with the problem that we have we have stayed together and are faithful to each other. We would like to know how we can overcome this and bring the closeness and initmate moments, that we both want, into our marriage. Your letter could have been written by ME! I am also the one that wants to have a sex life, and when we discuss it, my husband says yes, he will be interested, BUT, he just doesn't think about it anymore, until I bring it up. It has been a year since we have tried, and it was wonderful and exciting at that time, and before that, it was almost three years. I have told him time and again that we need to find help to get us straightened out (no pun intended!) and get back on the road to intimacy. He is an excellent friend, provider, husband (minus the sex), and he does have ED from his prostate cancer treatments. I try to be very understanding, but after I while it just gets me to angry, and then I tell him we could talk about it again, and again, and the response will be the same, so he should just remember all I have said it the past, and ditto it. I understand that he had cancer, I understand he has the mental block that he might not be able to perform, and I sympathize with that. What I cannot understand is that I have told him how I feel rejected, and hurt and lonely without him, and he still doesn't even make an attempt! I know, without a doubt that there is no one else. I trust him, and I know where he is and how to reach him, every second of every day. If the shoe was on the other foot, I would want to satisfy him in anyway that would not hurt me, just so that he would know he is loved so much, even after 24 years. He does have Cyalis (SP?) and has tried other ED meds, but they give him a terrible headache. He is also on testosterone, because he basically does not make it naturally. I can (and do) pleasure myself, but there is no satisfaction if what you are truly longing for is the love of your life touching you! I won't cheat, even though I feel cheated, and he knows it. I wish that he wasn't so secure in my love for him, that he would get concerned enough to approach this whole thing differently. He will not go to counseling with, or without me, because he was raised strict Catholic, and gets very uncomfortable, even talking sex with me. I recently sent through the Internet for a "cock" ring. I don't mean to be vulgar. That is the only way I have ever heard it addressed. When it arrives, I am hoping that he sees I am truly wanting this to work, and maybe even a little excited, knowing I bought this for "us".
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