Quote From: shawnylou1. I believe she was emotionally abandoned
2. I believe her mother would pick her male partner over her own daughter
3. I believe that step-father is as guilty as the sunrises and sets
4. He would be out of that house whether or not she comes back , gets an annulment or decides mom was right about the mistake of her marriage, STEP Daddy would be long gone.
5. there would be a lie detector test done on the step-father by the F.B.I or the state patrol only! No other organization.
6. I would not allow a lie detector to be done on the daughter... enough, I suspect the mother to be an un-kind woman.
7. It is too late for an annulment, the girl is married to someone who is only 2 years her senior. There should be counseling to keep them together and keep them whole.
8. Her mother would get counseling as to why she protects her "male mate" over her own daughter and is insistent on calling her a liar . No matter what you do not NOT ever take the side of the perp.
9. She needs to get help.. THE MOTHER!
I can't believe how closely I have walked in your shoes. Thank God my daughter and I are on good terms today but we have been through hell and there are still days where I cry just thinking about how foolish I was not to have chosen a different path.
She thinks I chose my husband over her. I didn't want to have to "choose" between two people I loved. I thought it could be "worked out", that through openness, forgiveness, prayer, that our family unit could be repaired so I held on and on. What I didn't realize was that I did not have the right to make that decision. Only my daughter can make that decision. Essentially I chose for her and made the wrong choice.
I thought the behavior had stopped because she didn't report any more to me. The truth was HIS behavior never stopped at all. She just stopped reporting it because as she said, "It didn't do any good", and I would just continue to do the same thing which to her was virtually NOTHING, and also she didn't want to hurt ME.
She thought that we would just do the SAME thing...pray, hug, and promise for changed behavior on his part. The truth did come out eventually. He NEVER admitted to all that he did. He only admitted to light petting but it was MUCH more than this and I still today probably don't know all that went on and what I have found out to date has nauseated me to the point that I can't bear to think about what my daughter went through. And YES, she did lie, as a means of defense, as her way of HITTING BACK at him. Yes she was very promiscuous as a teenager. She acted out enormously which abused girls do, but I never knew this at that time. I had never met any abusers, wives of abusers, or girls that had been abused. They were like people from outerspace to me. Not those in my social class! So I had to keep this all SECRET from family, friends and church members. . It is VERY embarrassing. We all try to cover it up and as wives and mothers all try to do, WE tried to FIX everything. Tried to make her understand him and him understand her. Now I know I shouldn't have tried to SAVE anything, not HIM, not the MARRIAGE. The only thing that you should concentrate on saving is your daughter's mental and physical health and her knowledge that her MOTHER will always LOVE HER unconditionally, and will be their to protect her. I didn't do this. I wish to God I had done it differently. I can't take it back. But I pray I can help you to get help so you can see what you currently cannot see.
Check out one thing. Does your husband treat your daughter as he would a girl friend? Does he buy her presents, candy? DId he teach her to drive? Did he seek ways to be alone with her?
Is he is over-controlling and over critical in the intricasies of her life, with her boyfriends, girlfriends, where she goes, what she wears, etc. It is because HE considers her HIS POSSESSION. Please, BELIEVE Her.
And THINK. The ONLY reason he cannot want to take a lie detector test is because HE IS GUILTY and HE KNOWS IT. Otherwise he would want to clear up his "good name" of any doubt of commiting this atrocity. Of course you should also take a longer look at his prison records. That does not reflect someone with a stellar moral code of ethic.
If you wish to talk to me on the aside you can reach me at rfsawyer@earthlink.net My daughter also I'm sure would be willing to speak with your daughter to help her. She is now 36 years old but we are still physically, mentally and spiritually ill because of what my much-beloved husband did to us.
Dr. Phil - As an aside, if you wish to have someone on the show to discuss the issue of girls being abused by their stepfathers, and how mothers make mistakes in "not seeing" what is before them, I would be willing to be on the show to discuss this with you as a mother who made this mistake, and I feel certain my daughter would be willing as well. We both know how devastating this is, and our hearts ache every time we hear this same story being retold.
