Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'

Quote From: kimbrem

 NOT sanitizing it.  I thought about not putting that there.....  It is in the past, I am over the grief of what happened back then. I am so over it. I don't feel sorry for my relatives or get sucked back into their sick little games anymore. I moved halfway across the country with my husband and haven't been back in five years.

I have still felt for so long that if any (As some put it) "decent people" were to meet my other "family" or know what they were like, I would be so dog poo in their eyes. I always sanitize my family for decent people.  My mom is "eccentric", my dad is "retired" and decent, my little brother is "sweet and special" and my older brother is just a "character". I am so over what they are and what people think. My husband and I are what we are and we are family. I have felt so much fear over anyone meeting my family and seeing that I lied about their character, about my dad getting drunk and showing his true nature. 

It wasn't without good reason. There have been many "incidents" in the past that have made me steer friends or people I really liked away from them. I can laugh looking back. I stayed away from the house overnight once when I was a young ADULT, I can't remember if I was 19 or 21, but sometime around that time. I stayed with a young man who I was extremely fond of and who was fond of me. I was going to college the first time then and working, but staying with my mother for a few months. I let my mom know I was going to be at this young man's house and that I wasn't sure of when I would get home. I stayed overnight and he didn't have a phone hooked up yet. When I returned home in the morning it was to a screaming mother and my things thrown on the porch. In the middle of screaming, the phone rang. It was that certain young man. He asked how old I was. I was confused by his question and asked why.... Welll, (Didn't I say somewhere my mother was "eccentric"?) my mother had called his work, the place where he was manager and told his staff that she was going to have him arrested because he stayed overnight with a minor. The police were "on their way" in her words to them and he would do well to stay away from me. This young man who I had fostered a relationship with for almost a year made me show him my driver's license, because he was convinced he was with a promiscuous, underage girl, who had lied to him during the whole course of our relationship. Needless to say, darling mother got her wish and we weren't together long after that. This is funny, because if anyone who knows me reads this, they will probably know who I am. It's kinda hard to hide a mother like that! I so understood why he reacted the way he did. Most people aren't used to crazy people, and who wouldn't check up to make sure after someone said something like that. I always regretted letting his reaction drive a wedge in our relationship, but maybe it was for the better after all. Hey guy, if you're out there and you happen to read this, please laugh about it.

Well, now I am married and we have a good life away from insanity, and finally I am going to stop feeling bad about who they are! And not let it have any other effect on me.