Quote From: moonshineI have an 11 year son who cries whenever he is frustrated. I've tried telling him that it is not appropriate behavior for his age but that hasn't worked. I've taken toys, etc from him and that doesn't work. He seems to think he is going to get in trouble if he is messing up. My husband is a non-rule bender and his expectations are quite high for the kids. A little history, he has a medical problem which prevented him from growing properly and was quite small for his age. During that time, every one treated him like he was younger than he was and he would cry to get what he wanted. Now that the medical end is being treated he still cries. Anyone have any suggestions to get him to mature so that he doesn't do this? I'm open for anything at this point.
I would try focusing on his good days instead of his bad days. This is a learned behavior, like you said. So this has become a habit for him. Instead of taking things away from him when he shows the bad behavior focus on the days that his behavior is good. Set up a reward system. Make a calendar and tell him that everyday he does not cry for not getting his way or when he is frustrated he receives a star. At the end of the week or month (you choose what works best for your budget) he will get a prize. The prize can be a candybar, a small toy he has been wanting or something like that. So your other children will not feel left out so the same thing for them. Does one of your children have a problem tattle-telling? Does one constantly crawl into bed with mom and dad? Find a behavior that you would like to change in them and do the calendar for them as well so that they don't feel left out. Also, make sure that your son knows it is okay to cry in certain situations. It is okay to cry if we are sad about something, it is okay to cry if someone close to us passes, it is okay to cry if we are sad, but tell him when we are frustrated or angry he needs to talk to you or his dad and use his words to exrpress his feelings.
As far as his dad, you really need to seek counsel on his high expectations. This could be causing your son extra stress which could be leading to more frustration. I have a brother-in-law that has very high expectations for his children and I see the nervousness and stress it has caused my sister, niece, and nephew. So he may need to go to some counseling and find out why he has such unrealistic expectations for his children.
I hope this helps...Let me know what happens. Also remember, it takes 21 days to break any habit completely. Do not be surprised if this does not work immediately. It could take a month for the new behavior to set in.
Take care.
