Replies to '12/28 Wifestyles'

Me and My husband have been married for 3 years. We have a son who is 2 1/2 years old, and we are expecting baby number 2. My husband works a full time job. He is out of the house from 6am - 6pm and that is not during busy season. I work as a part time teacher. I am out of my house from 9am - 5pm. As you can see I get home one hour before my husband.  

I have to agree with Diana on the show. I am a mother, a wife, and a teacher. I am also a daughter, granddaughter, and sister. It is very very difficult to give everything my all. I am not the best mother I can be, I am not the best wife, and I am not the best teacher. I do what I am able to do and try not to focus on my deficiencies. I always tell my husband something always has to give. If I come home late and want dinner on the table for my husband, that means my son has to sit in front of a DVD instead of me sitting with him. Someone always gets slighted. 

I have had many discussions with my husband and thank god he has been very understanding and reasonable. 

1) I made a list of things that need to be done around the house (ex: having the beds made, kitchen clean, bedroom clean, go to bed at the same time as my husband, etc). I then asked my husband to number the list from most important to least important.  This way I was able to do the chores around the house that he wanted, and not what I wanted. Men and women have different ideas of what around the house is important. If you make sure your husband's wishes are fulfilled he will live his life to fill his wife's wishes. This has nothing to do with feminism or becoming someone's servant. 

2) I told my husband that I am not his mother. We all look at our parents who have been married and a made couple for 20-30 years. Their houses run smoothly, meals taste good, and there is order. However that took 20-30 years to accomplish. When you put a ring on your finger it doesn't automatically mean that I know what a wife is suppose to do. 

3) I told him that in order to have dinner on the table when he comes home, in order to be a good mother, and in order for me to do my job well (which in turn will make me enjoy and want to work) I do not have time to clean the house. My husband agreed and we have a housekeeper come twice a week for 4 hours to help out. He was realistic. He didn't want me stressing but at the same time he wanted a clean house. He realized you cant have it all. 

I do not look at myself as someone who is subservient to their spouse. I love him and want to do for him. I want to make him happy. I want to respect and keep his wishes. He feels the same way. He loves me, he is realistic, and he doesn't want to overwork me. So just like many things in marriage there is a give and take, you just have to decide what is really important.  

And just to reiterate what Dr. Phil said on the show, each spouse needs to feel like they have the best spouse. That despite the minor faults that your spouse may have they still treat you the best, they love you, and would do anything for you. 

My advice to all couples is to be realistic. You need to help your spouse be the best that they can be, and not what you want them to be. When you date you should know what you want for a wife/husband. If your expectations are too high you will never marry so make sure they are realistic. Dating is to learn what potential your spouce has. If they don't have that potential then don't marry them cause you will only make both of your lives difficult.