Quote From: agdzxcanHi hisjewel,
It has been aprox 5 years since I purged, however, I have binged a few times, aprox 1 1/2 years ago ( when I was preg. with my 3rd child), but I was able to control that -- it very limited was limited, and brought on by extreme stress. I can not say if I would have continued in a distressed eating pattern or not, if I had not had children. I don't really deal in "what ifs". I find it more helpful and healthful to deal with the hear and now -- it helps me to stay focused. And, yes, there are many times I just want to disappear! But I take each day as it comes and I get through. I go to the gym every day with the kids, so it gives me a much needed break away and I can focus on just me for 2 hours. It's wonderful and helps me to distress and get fit at the same time.
yeah i don't know why i even asked the what if question......... i just keep getting worse it seems like and the past few days have been so hard..... all though today i am very cheerful..... i am going off to college and just found out i get to be on the volleyball team which really excites me!!! I keep hoping that doing something for me that i enjoy (going to college, being in choir, and playing volleyball) will help me to beat this........ then i find myself sooo scared that i won't stop and well yeah..... i try not to look at that but when i just seem to be getting worse at times then well yeah.... i haven't taken a laxitive since like the end of march or so maybe just before then but it has been a while haven't had money to get them...... although i have gone and just wanted to get them so bad and had to decide if i wanted gas in my car or if i wanted laxitives..... gas would help drive me to counceling and laxitives well yeah......... i still want them soooo bad but don't have money to get them so that helps i think with it being so long that i will be able to keep fighting not getting them.......... thanks for taking the time to write me......... i was feeling so alone in this like there was on one to talk to and this is the main reason i started coming to the message board....... well no one is in here to talk ever but i have found a nice place i love to talk to people...... sometimes i just wish i could come in here and have someone to talk to........ as much as i try to convence myselfi am not scared i know i really am......... it just seems like i fight for keeping this more then i do letting go.......
there is something i saw the other day on here from one of the shows that made me realize sometihng that well really bothers me and makes me see so much
