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October 17, 2005, 11:46 pm PDT
Ready for Marriage?
Quote From: faith2718 me and my boyfriends have been together for over a year now, were engaged and gettin married after the first of the year. I have one problem though. I dated this guy 2 yrs ago, some things happened in his life that at the time our relationship couldnt work. Here we are over 2 yrs later and the feelings for each other are still there. Hes married now with a baby due anyday and im bout to be married, yet we feel like we are stuck in the same boat. Were as if either of us makes a move the boat will tip over. I love my boyfriend now, my ex loves his wife but we still want to be with each other. I'm confusses and stressed..we are both closer in age yet with people way younger then us. What do i do?? The question you need to ask yourself is not whether or not you still have feelings for the guy. Often, old feelings never fully go away and are easily stirred to full capacity when you fan the flame. You need to ask yourself what it might do to your future husband or this guy's wife. Am I suggesting that you are talking about having an affair? No. But I do know that having an ex in the picture can SEVERELY complicate trust.
Do you love your fiance? Of course, you said so in your post - but have you earned his trust? Would you do anything to jeopardize this trust? Isn't the life with your husband far more precious than a relationship that has the potential to harm? Sure, you'll always wonder what may have been . . . I could ask myself, "what might have life been like if I'd married a supermodel?"
That's all beside the point though. You need to be honest with your fiance about your feelings, and earn the trust that he so desperately wants to give you. Often, it takes a choice that goes contrary to our feelings to set us on the right path - but once you're on the right path, things begin to improve. It may be painful to give up what you had, but I guarantee that the relationship you will build with your husband will be based in something far stronger than emotion - trust and love.
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