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Replies to '08/19 Tired of Being a Mom'
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March 25, 2008, 7:22 pm PDT
 Quote From: hikerchick As the mother of a son with down syndrome, I am disgusted at this womans attitude. I am hoping that the discription of her situation and attitude is more dramatic than what it really is.. Heh, my response to her is "Deal with it, he is your son," Anyone who states that they wish their child had been aborted ought to be slapped. Perfect or imperfect. Oh well. How can you even look at him after making such comments?
Having a child with special needs is very challenging. There have been many trials over the years since the birth of my son. Not once have I wished that he had been aborted. As a matter of fact, when the doctor wanted to talk to me about "options" the idea was so far form my mind that I didn't even kno what it was that he was asking me at the time.
I have given up my career and my husband and I gave up our previous lifestyles to care for our child. We used to be very involved in our jobs and worked long hours, we went out all the time and we spent money because we had it. Of course, a lot of that changed but it wasn't just becuase our son has down syndrome. We both still work, have hobbies and do things that we like to do. What's this lady's problem?
Do I have bad days? Yes, but do. I have a lot of them. I get frustrated a lot and to be truthful, a lot of my frustration comes more from other people than with the challenges with him. The thought that this child might be "institutionalized" frightens me and it makes me want to find these people. There should never be any thoughts of doing this to your child just because YOU can't handle it. I would NEVER in a million years consider doing that to my son. NEVER.
Get help. There are services available and it's YOUR own fault for not obtaining it. No child ought to be disowned because you didn't do what you were supposed to. I'm guessing that the attitude that these people had was bad from the start. Seems very selfish.
There are a thousand places to get support from other families who are in the same situation that you are. Of course on the other hand, if you're going to be like this then maybe it's in your childs best interest to go and be with other people who are willing to care for him and work with him.
Some people have the attitude that just because he had down snydrome he was a lost cause. Shame on you. Due to the efforts of my husband, myself and our team of early intervention therapists, teachers etc, he is going to attend school and have a full life. He enjoys his life. When I look at him and see him smile and do things that he was never supposed to do, I smile and I know he was worth it.
There were times when I had 4 early intervention therapists in my home a week. We gave up a lot of our time so that he could have the services and it paid off!! He did a lot of things before "they" said that he would.
I don't even know if I am going to watch this episode. I'm angry just reading the preview. I can't imagine what the freak out will be like it I sit down to watch. *chuckles* Wow, how judgemental, without even seeing the show yet. This woman is dealing with a very seriously disabled dual diagnosis child. My heart goes out to the whole family and I hope that they can get some help. And yes, I agree with Dr. Phil-- out of home placement, at least temporarily, may be the best for the child as well as the family. Do not judge until and unless you have walked in her shoes. There is no comparison between caring for a "typical" child with DS (yes, there is one in my family) with that of a severely impaired, nonverbal, older dual diagnosis child. |
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March 25, 2008, 7:51 pm PDT
Quote From: hikerchick As the mother of a son with down syndrome, I am disgusted at this womans attitude. I am hoping that the discription of her situation and attitude is more dramatic than what it really is.. Heh, my response to her is "Deal with it, he is your son," Anyone who states that they wish their child had been aborted ought to be slapped. Perfect or imperfect. Oh well. How can you even look at him after making such comments?
Having a child with special needs is very challenging. There have been many trials over the years since the birth of my son. Not once have I wished that he had been aborted. As a matter of fact, when the doctor wanted to talk to me about "options" the idea was so far form my mind that I didn't even kno what it was that he was asking me at the time.
I have given up my career and my husband and I gave up our previous lifestyles to care for our child. We used to be very involved in our jobs and worked long hours, we went out all the time and we spent money because we had it. Of course, a lot of that changed but it wasn't just becuase our son has down syndrome. We both still work, have hobbies and do things that we like to do. What's this lady's problem?
Do I have bad days? Yes, but do. I have a lot of them. I get frustrated a lot and to be truthful, a lot of my frustration comes more from other people than with the challenges with him. The thought that this child might be "institutionalized" frightens me and it makes me want to find these people. There should never be any thoughts of doing this to your child just because YOU can't handle it. I would NEVER in a million years consider doing that to my son. NEVER.
Get help. There are services available and it's YOUR own fault for not obtaining it. No child ought to be disowned because you didn't do what you were supposed to. I'm guessing that the attitude that these people had was bad from the start. Seems very selfish.
There are a thousand places to get support from other families who are in the same situation that you are. Of course on the other hand, if you're going to be like this then maybe it's in your childs best interest to go and be with other people who are willing to care for him and work with him.
Some people have the attitude that just because he had down snydrome he was a lost cause. Shame on you. Due to the efforts of my husband, myself and our team of early intervention therapists, teachers etc, he is going to attend school and have a full life. He enjoys his life. When I look at him and see him smile and do things that he was never supposed to do, I smile and I know he was worth it.
There were times when I had 4 early intervention therapists in my home a week. We gave up a lot of our time so that he could have the services and it paid off!! He did a lot of things before "they" said that he would.
I don't even know if I am going to watch this episode. I'm angry just reading the preview. I can't imagine what the freak out will be like it I sit down to watch. *chuckles* I agree with you completely. We are in a society that suffers from mommy martyr syndrome. We have shows like this where all the mothers do is whine about the position they put themselves into. Unfortunetly, despite how well Dr. Phil did at explaining that the mothers don't have a right to play martryrs, there are parents who will see the title of this show, and feel it's approving of them having a victim mentality about being a parent.
You can't even ask a parent to move their children down a few tables, so you don't have to hear them scream or yell, without a diatribe about how hard their life is and you're not a parent so you have no right to adress them. This is a major problem with our society, we're tellng parents, especially mothers, that they are entitled to acting as if the rest of society is beneath them. Even at times their own children.
I think parents who joke about abandoning their children, should have their children taken from them. They're admitting their child is at risk, of them at a whim deciding they just don't want to do it anymore. They're kids, not virtual pets.
This mother doesn't understand why her son with Down Syndrome/Autism keeps saying "mean!" at her, well it's probably cause she is mean to him. She's not taking the time nor the effort to understand him. She sees the only way to interact with him is through discipline.
If this show had anything positive for it, it showed that the husbands were far better parents than their wives. Like that woman who kept saying I want to leave my family, fine, go. Give her children the opportunity to have a mother who cares. Not a mother who in public says she'd die for her kids, then in the next sentence talk about leaving them at school like sacks of flour.
Do these mothers think their children are unable to hear that they're not in this with full support. Do they think that they don't know their mommy cares about them with the same extent they would care about a object? Why do you think these kids are having problems, cause instead of being raised by their mothers, their mothers are on the phone playing martyr mommy with their friends.
Hikerchick, expect to get alot of angry posts here. As someone who tells parents alot of what they don't want to hear on bulletin boards, I know very well that it's expected that I'll be the target of alot of parent temper tantrums. What I'm saying is, alot of people probably won't agree with you. You are dealing with reality the best way you can. When you tell parents they have to buck up and live in the same world you and I live in, it's easier for them to attack what they don't want to deal with, than to deal with it. |
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March 25, 2008, 10:22 pm PDT
Quote From: hikerchick As the mother of a son with down syndrome, I am disgusted at this womans attitude. I am hoping that the discription of her situation and attitude is more dramatic than what it really is.. Heh, my response to her is "Deal with it, he is your son," Anyone who states that they wish their child had been aborted ought to be slapped. Perfect or imperfect. Oh well. How can you even look at him after making such comments?
Having a child with special needs is very challenging. There have been many trials over the years since the birth of my son. Not once have I wished that he had been aborted. As a matter of fact, when the doctor wanted to talk to me about "options" the idea was so far form my mind that I didn't even kno what it was that he was asking me at the time.
I have given up my career and my husband and I gave up our previous lifestyles to care for our child. We used to be very involved in our jobs and worked long hours, we went out all the time and we spent money because we had it. Of course, a lot of that changed but it wasn't just becuase our son has down syndrome. We both still work, have hobbies and do things that we like to do. What's this lady's problem?
Do I have bad days? Yes, but do. I have a lot of them. I get frustrated a lot and to be truthful, a lot of my frustration comes more from other people than with the challenges with him. The thought that this child might be "institutionalized" frightens me and it makes me want to find these people. There should never be any thoughts of doing this to your child just because YOU can't handle it. I would NEVER in a million years consider doing that to my son. NEVER.
Get help. There are services available and it's YOUR own fault for not obtaining it. No child ought to be disowned because you didn't do what you were supposed to. I'm guessing that the attitude that these people had was bad from the start. Seems very selfish.
There are a thousand places to get support from other families who are in the same situation that you are. Of course on the other hand, if you're going to be like this then maybe it's in your childs best interest to go and be with other people who are willing to care for him and work with him.
Some people have the attitude that just because he had down snydrome he was a lost cause. Shame on you. Due to the efforts of my husband, myself and our team of early intervention therapists, teachers etc, he is going to attend school and have a full life. He enjoys his life. When I look at him and see him smile and do things that he was never supposed to do, I smile and I know he was worth it.
There were times when I had 4 early intervention therapists in my home a week. We gave up a lot of our time so that he could have the services and it paid off!! He did a lot of things before "they" said that he would.
I don't even know if I am going to watch this episode. I'm angry just reading the preview. I can't imagine what the freak out will be like it I sit down to watch. *chuckles* I am also the mother of a disabled child. My son has Cerebral Palsy and is Autistic and I agree with everything you said. I could not imagine one moment without my son in my life and can't imagine life without him now. He is such a blessing even with all the struggles that we have went through and still have to go. I was told what a great school that Mississippi has for children like my son and against my better judgement did have him put in residentual care for 8 months. It was a disaster for all of us and believe me as long as I live and breathe he will never leave home again. Like you say thaere is always a way to cope and life isn't easy for anyone. Anybody that thinks it is is living in a fantasy world. |
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August 22, 2008, 2:57 am PDT
Quote From: hikerchick As the mother of a son with down syndrome, I am disgusted at this womans attitude. I am hoping that the discription of her situation and attitude is more dramatic than what it really is.. Heh, my response to her is "Deal with it, he is your son," Anyone who states that they wish their child had been aborted ought to be slapped. Perfect or imperfect. Oh well. How can you even look at him after making such comments?
Having a child with special needs is very challenging. There have been many trials over the years since the birth of my son. Not once have I wished that he had been aborted. As a matter of fact, when the doctor wanted to talk to me about "options" the idea was so far form my mind that I didn't even kno what it was that he was asking me at the time.
I have given up my career and my husband and I gave up our previous lifestyles to care for our child. We used to be very involved in our jobs and worked long hours, we went out all the time and we spent money because we had it. Of course, a lot of that changed but it wasn't just becuase our son has down syndrome. We both still work, have hobbies and do things that we like to do. What's this lady's problem?
Do I have bad days? Yes, but do. I have a lot of them. I get frustrated a lot and to be truthful, a lot of my frustration comes more from other people than with the challenges with him. The thought that this child might be "institutionalized" frightens me and it makes me want to find these people. There should never be any thoughts of doing this to your child just because YOU can't handle it. I would NEVER in a million years consider doing that to my son. NEVER.
Get help. There are services available and it's YOUR own fault for not obtaining it. No child ought to be disowned because you didn't do what you were supposed to. I'm guessing that the attitude that these people had was bad from the start. Seems very selfish.
There are a thousand places to get support from other families who are in the same situation that you are. Of course on the other hand, if you're going to be like this then maybe it's in your childs best interest to go and be with other people who are willing to care for him and work with him.
Some people have the attitude that just because he had down snydrome he was a lost cause. Shame on you. Due to the efforts of my husband, myself and our team of early intervention therapists, teachers etc, he is going to attend school and have a full life. He enjoys his life. When I look at him and see him smile and do things that he was never supposed to do, I smile and I know he was worth it.
There were times when I had 4 early intervention therapists in my home a week. We gave up a lot of our time so that he could have the services and it paid off!! He did a lot of things before "they" said that he would.
I don't even know if I am going to watch this episode. I'm angry just reading the preview. I can't imagine what the freak out will be like it I sit down to watch. *chuckles* I am so happy this woman has kept her children and does all she can to help, support and nurture them. I think however that you are not even trying to understand where this women is coming from. I am sure that your children are hard too but you don't have to pick up 100 pounds of dead weight all day long either. To have feces spread all over, and have to change the diaper of a 12 year old. You say yourself that with help your child began doing things they said would take allot longer. What if your child did not improve or even got worse? I am sure that you have it tough too but as a mother with disabled children you really should be more compassionate. You have to remember that different people have different abilities and tolerances. These people are not saying they are giving up their child or don't love him. If that were the case they would not be so concerned about where he goes and what could happen to him and just got rid of him. They are looking out for their child and trying to do whats right for him they are even worried that he will not be able to tell them if hes going through hell. I do feel for these parents and hope that Dr. Phil helps them to the best of his abilities. I am just saying stop patting yourself on the back for the great job you've done and have some compassion or even better don't put them down ,offer some advice instead. |
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