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Replies to '08/19 Tired of Being a Mom'
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March 25, 2008, 11:40 pm PDT
 Quote From: jnokleby Blessings to you and a gentle hug. I posted earlier today, it is not on site yet. (Concerning our special person.) I don't think going to a spa retreat will "help" mom, as her brain will be on overdrive thinking of all the stuff being undone, not getting done, etc at home while she is there. You know, we can't shut them off for an instant (one of God's little jokes?). I, too,was raised on reading Erma Bombeck, I used that (besides my Bible) as a basis for raising MY 3 sons. And now 2 granddaughters often. Thing is, with family members having special needs, you need more than a day out to take the pressure off. You need permanent resources. I too, dream of days my home would look like HGTV, but am so glad I have had experienced what I have, it has made me the person I am. There are 'end of the rope days' that I know will be better after the sun sets and rises again. I have a permanent health condition as well that does not sit on the back burner. Yet, I try not to make the day about me. Apparently mom in question does not have the support from her family, friends. She then needs to step outside of that comfort zone to apply for what her special needs family member needs. They cannot. We are put on this earth to take care of each other. When that stops, so does the world we want to live in. Although I am not in the mother's position that is in this segment, nor in the posting you replied to, but I have to give my opinion as well.
I don't think the mother was saying that "a day at the spa" would cure all that troubles her, but I do believe anything one can do to ease their mind - even for an hour or 2, 3 maybe - can rejuvinate her enough to come home and deal with the issues she faces everyday with a fresh outlook. Is it so bad to feel the need to pamper one's self who strains daily with these issues? I don't think so. I congratulate her in knowing the need to "escape" if that's how you want to put it, so she can return from a short relaxing getaway with a renewed spirit & attitude. Sometimes, actually I think most of the time, all parents need to "get away" for whatever a time may be that THEY deem sufficient and neccessary. Not all of us have the option nor the means to do so whether it be family support to take care of these children or the money to do so, but to me - it is important to do it if you can. In my eyes, and my eyes only - it is just one more coping skill a good parent who is trying to do the right thing and as much as they can to help their child with issues. It don't mean the mother/father is trying to "get away from reality", just get away to refresh, rejuvinate and reassess what is important and neccessary to worry about and what needs to be accomplished, rather than be so stressed that they make rash decisions that everything seems like an urgent need.
I don't know if I worded any of that correctly, but I did my best. Simply put, I think whenever a parent - whether one of a special needs child or a "typical" child - can get away for a bit to regain who they are and the reasons they became parents in the first place, shouldn't be chastized, but praised since they know when they themselves need a little "time out" to figure things out. It didn't sound to me like she made a weekly habit of this, nor did it appear she was trying to escape the reality of her situation at home. What it seemed to be to me is a person, a human being, who wanted & knew they NEEDED the precious little time they could get to remember who they are, what they stand for, and what they need to do to make their family's life better.
Not sure I said it right, but I know I said it from the heart.
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