Replies to '08/19 Tired of Being a Mom'

There are certainly adoptive parents who don't do their homework and aren't really prepared.  But even for  those who do, adopting is still a gamble.  I adopted 2 girls from Ukraine and I accept the issues that they have and deal with them.  Sometimes successfully, sometimes not so successfully.  But even for families with biological children  you can find yourself in a situation where the child's presence is harmful to the family as a whole and there are times when a child needs to be removed from the home for the safety and general welfare of everyone involved.

My oldest daughter has attachment disorder.  Its very destructive my family and exhausting for me.   I understand my committment to her.  I adopted her knowing that she would have issues, knowing that I wouldn't and couldn't know what those issues would be and with a committment in my heart to do the best I can for her.  I understood that I may love her as if she were born to me knowing, that I may in the end serve as nothing more than a care giver, doing my best to provide her with the tools she'll need to survive as an adult, knowing that there could be issues that I could not handle and that there was a possiblity (however unpalatable) that I would need to end that relationship.  I understood the reality as much as anyone can before they live it.

Foreign adoption is not an easy process and I suspect that fewer adoptive parents enter into parenthood with the same lack of education as those who choose to give birth.. yet when adoptive families have issues, as a community we respond with "Didn't you know what you were getting into?".  You don't hear that  in reference to the new mom with a demanding baby, who is so overwelmed she can't take a shower.

Those outside of adoption need to recognize that as adoptive parents we are not less entitled to stress, complain or need a break from our kids.  We're not less entitled to feel overwelmed than those who give birth and its just not helpful and rarely relevant to say "Didn't you know these kids have problems?".  We did know.  We opened our hearts, our spirits and our homes and if sometimes we find we've 'bitten off more than we can chew'... we'll you'll just have to give us a break.