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Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'
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July 29, 2005, 2:42 pm PDT
 Quote From: molbio Hi!
Maybe some of you can help me??!!
My hole life has been about surviving....not life or death....but emotionally. Explaining the details is not what this is about or for that matter important. The things that I am struggling with right now are the anger and the self-pity.
I've read Dr. Phil's life strategies and that is one amazing book....helped me tremendously. It made my see the truth about a lot of things and gave me a kick in the right direction. But the anger and the self-pity!!!.....what pisses my off the most is that when I was in the middle of the chaos I was capable of working through the pain and the problems and then move on. On top of that I had endurance and perseverance. Now I feel like I have to learn everything all over again.
I feel like an athlete that was forced in to retirement and not allowed to train for 6 years then suddenly pulled out of retirement and tossed in to the game again, at the same time everyone (but that I mean myself) expects that I can perform and endure the same as I could when I was in shape.
The thing is that when I read Dr. Phil's book it open me up to the fact that I have an amazing future ahead of me. I never though that was possible I never thought I had a future. Now I am afraid of losing that and at the same time I can't get there fast enough.
I just want that incredible, amazing and happy place I see in future free from anger, hate, frustration and regret to be the present.
The one quality that I think I need to reach my goals is patience and that's the one thing I don't have.....at least not when it comes to myself and my abilities.
I feel like I'm running so fast that my legs and physique can't keep up and I get angry with my self for not being able to find that balance/middle ground where everything runs as a fine tuned machine. At the same time I feel like that if I doesn't find that balance I will lose the opportunity for reaching my goals. At first it scares me, then I get angry with my self and everybody else and then the self-pity kicks in.
How do I teach my self to be more patience??? And is that actually what I need to learn!!?? How do I get the balance I need in my life?? How do I learn to take things one-step at a time???
I'm at a point where I'm willing to try almost anything.....so if any of you have some advice I'm listening.
Kristina (Denmark)
I do understand completely when speak about knowing that you have a good life ahead of you, but you have to wade through a bunch of muck to get there.
I've been where you are. In looking back, BOY, have I had some muck to walk through!
When bad things happen and you get hurt physically or emotional, maybe it would help to remember that you need to grieve. And anger is part of the grieving process. Anger all by itself is not necessarily a bad thing, you know. All it is is an emotion, that by itself, can't REALLY harm anyone. IT's what you DO with your anger that is important. Anger can be a GREAT motivator and a wonderful red flag that something is still wrong within.
The same goes for self-pity.
The best way through grief is the FEEL ALL your feelings including the uncomfortable ones.
Just because most of us think of anger and self-pity as bad things doesn't mean they are. They are normal, NATURAL, HUMAN feelings. Trouble is... when you get STUCK in a particular feeling. THAT'S when you really need help. Personally as long YOU think you are moving forward -- you will work through your issues.
Besides, I think you've hit the nail on the head your own self when you've looked at your situation and noticed -- hey, wait a minute, I need to step back, take a deep breath and practice patience. I will get where I'm going in good time.
Actually none of what I just wrote was the "idea" I was talking about... sometimes my fingers take me in different directions.
My idea was... to gently remind your self, that while it's great to have goals and work hard to achieve them, don't forget that your ENTIRE LIFE is a wonderful journey. Sometimes it's good to look backward, sometimes it's good to look forward, but it is also good to just BE.
What's the rush anyway? It's not like your goals are really going to run away from you, are they?
Can you sit a minute and enjoy a cool breeze whisper through the trees? Can you let the sun warm your shoulders?
It's kind of like not rushing around like mad to get the answer to all the questions in life, but to sit a while WITH a question and let the answers come to you.
Anyway... just an idea... Q
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July 29, 2005, 3:47 pm PDT
Quote From: molbio Hi!
Maybe some of you can help me??!!
My hole life has been about surviving....not life or death....but emotionally. Explaining the details is not what this is about or for that matter important. The things that I am struggling with right now are the anger and the self-pity.
I've read Dr. Phil's life strategies and that is one amazing book....helped me tremendously. It made my see the truth about a lot of things and gave me a kick in the right direction. But the anger and the self-pity!!!.....what pisses my off the most is that when I was in the middle of the chaos I was capable of working through the pain and the problems and then move on. On top of that I had endurance and perseverance. Now I feel like I have to learn everything all over again.
I feel like an athlete that was forced in to retirement and not allowed to train for 6 years then suddenly pulled out of retirement and tossed in to the game again, at the same time everyone (but that I mean myself) expects that I can perform and endure the same as I could when I was in shape.
The thing is that when I read Dr. Phil's book it open me up to the fact that I have an amazing future ahead of me. I never though that was possible I never thought I had a future. Now I am afraid of losing that and at the same time I can't get there fast enough.
I just want that incredible, amazing and happy place I see in future free from anger, hate, frustration and regret to be the present.
The one quality that I think I need to reach my goals is patience and that's the one thing I don't have.....at least not when it comes to myself and my abilities.
I feel like I'm running so fast that my legs and physique can't keep up and I get angry with my self for not being able to find that balance/middle ground where everything runs as a fine tuned machine. At the same time I feel like that if I doesn't find that balance I will lose the opportunity for reaching my goals. At first it scares me, then I get angry with my self and everybody else and then the self-pity kicks in.
How do I teach my self to be more patience??? And is that actually what I need to learn!!?? How do I get the balance I need in my life?? How do I learn to take things one-step at a time???
I'm at a point where I'm willing to try almost anything.....so if any of you have some advice I'm listening.
Kristina (Denmark)
Kristina, our normal reaction is to feel pity and sorry for ourselves - it's a sign grief. Acknowledge it. During my healing process, I discovered that I was actually upset and grieving because I was leaving behind the familiar horrible life style I was living in. I didn't want to go forward. I hated having the "AHA moments" that bought me closer to discovering my true self.
But my motto I chose when I read SELF MATTERS was: DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. If my pity party was my way of dealing with this - then I needed to celebrate so I looked at what I was being shown and thanked God first for showing me the answers to my prayers. Then I did my candle ritual and turned over the negative feelings to God. Then I chose to look at doing something positive as a treat for obtaining the answer.
I know it sounds corny - but Dr. Phil is right when he says that our painfilled lives are addictive and that we would rather be unhappy and miserable than celebrate the insight as something positive.
It worked for me.
As for patience.... I wish they would bottle something because that's something I keep bumping my head against the wall with. I just tell myself "I'M TAKING TINY LITTLE WEE STEPS" and I repeat it over and over again. I also took words from his book about it. I think it was in LL #3 - I retyped it and printed it for me to read when I felt overwhelmed. The words are:
Each day of progress I make, each action I take, has a positive effect.
As I move into change, I am going to be doing things I have never done before. I am entering into
UNKNOWN
TERRITORY
. I am not going to like it. It’s human nature to judge & resist.
And the longer I have been trap in a painful life style, the harder it is to create my new life.
Trust in my ability to do it. NEVER FORGET that a small & subtle change in what I do is moving me in the right direction.
I am succeeding because of my choices. I can deal with my life at this moment – and that is all I will ever have to do. If something goes awry, I will figure out how to make it right. Nothing can take my identity away from me.
These words really helped me -- maybe they can help you. |
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