Replies to '08/19 Tired of Being a Mom'

I work in the adoption community and Robyn's talk of her daughter Alyssa made me physically sick. I completely agree with the statement that not all people were cut out to be parents, yet over time, even the unfit have found ways to raise children -- not to the benefit of the children. I was apalled that Dr. Phil allowed her to continually make comments without remorse that she has considered 'sending her back'. Adoptive parents often take it personally when their adopted child does not bond with them, acting as if this child is punishing them or doing it on purpose. Providing a roof over a child's head and food in their belly does not erase the first four years of Alyssa's life. in addition, if Robyn can go on television and so openly confess that she has considered sending Alyssa back, I imagine her daughter can sense these negative feelings. When someone does not want you around, kids can tell, and why would you love someone who number one is not your 'real' parent, and number two, does not show you you love them.

I think it is the easy way out for adoptive parents to want to send their child back if they're less than perfect. What adoptive parents have to keep in mind is that had they had their own birth children, they may have faced similar feelings or similar behaviors, yet in their minds it's different. It is so selfish to commit to a child, and then take it back -- you cannot end your commitment with a biological child, and I cannot believe adoptive parents could even consider this. Parenting is not easy no matter how you look at it.

I also feel that Dr. Phil did a poor job of addressing the true issues at hand. He should have had an adoption professional to offer some sound advice. The parents are the true problem and should have had to own up to that.

I work in the adoption community and Robyn's talk of her daughter Alyssa made me physically sick. I completely agree with the statement that not all people were cut out to be parents, yet over time, even the unfit have found ways to raise children -- not to the benefit of the children. I was apalled that Dr. Phil allowed her to continually make comments without remorse that she has considered 'sending her back'. Adoptive parents often take it personally when their adopted child does not bond with them, acting as if this child is punishing them or doing it on purpose. Providing a roof over a child's head and food in their belly does not erase the first four years of Alyssa's life. in addition, if Robyn can go on television and so openly confess that she has considered sending Alyssa back, I imagine her daughter can sense these negative feelings. When someone does not want you around, kids can tell, and why would you love someone who number one is not your 'real' parent, and number two, does not show you you love them.

I think it is the easy way out for adoptive parents to want to send their child back if they're less than perfect. What adoptive parents have to keep in mind is that had they had their own birth children, they may have faced similar feelings or similar behaviors, yet in their minds it's different. It is so selfish to commit to a child, and then take it back -- you cannot end your commitment with a biological child, and I cannot believe adoptive parents could even consider this. Parenting is not easy no matter how you look at it.

I also feel that Dr. Phil did a poor job of addressing the true issues at hand. He should have had an adoption professional to offer some sound advice. The parents are the true problem and should have had to own up to that.