Replies to 'Childhood Sexual Abuse Support'

My dear sweet girl Makayla, 

I shudder to think what you have been through.  I believe I know without being told because it is much like my own story.  I don't have a Jayke, but several miscarriages in my teens.  I know you love your son, but it is another cross for you to bare that is totally unfair.

Sweetheart, I'm now 56 years old and have been dealing with therapy for the past 6 years (after a breakdown).  I'm glad to know you are in therapy NOW, not waiting till your 50 and have your past hit you like a ton of bricks!  IT'S NOT OUR FAULT, but it's us that live with the daily torment.  I tried to bury my past but it wouldn't let me.  Therapy is HARD work, but worth it.  Yes, building trust with your therapist IS important...VERY important...and it DOES take some time and effort.  For folks like us...trusting folks is really tuff because we were lied to so much.  Talkin about what happened is tuff because for years we weren't allowed to talk!  We fear folks won't believe us...our story sounds like fiction...sometimes we aren't sure ourselves if it's real or not!  Plus we were told that no one would believe us...it was drilled into our head.  The conflict in our head..."I love them, they are my parents" but seconds later..."I hate them for what they have done to me and my life".   And the constant question in the back of our heads..."what did I do to deserve this?"  The answer to that is "NOTHING" but it's hard to believe that.  We look at our own child and think..."HOW could they do that to a sweet, innocent child?  I could NEVER do that!"  I have yet to understand that one.  "They were sick"  HUH?  They were well respected members of the community and church.  How could they be that 'sick' and no one know?  But I lived it...the double life they lived.  They were pure as the driven snow to the OUTSIDE world...but what went on behind closed doors was pure evil.

Are you an adult or teen?  I don't believe the number of years you have lived matters...you have had to grow up hard and fast!  And you're rite...SORRY DOESN'T CUT IT!  Too late to be 'sorry' now!

Kudos to you sweet girl...you have survived and are reaching out for help!!!  You are a survivor, you are strong and you will make it!  You don't have to believe in others yet...just believe in yourself and do what you need to do for you and your son.  How old is Jayke?  Isn't being a mother a wonderful gift?  They grow soooo fast....before you know it those tiny feet are walkin off to school.  Enjoy every moment.

Any time you need to talk, come here and let it out.  I DO understand you...more than you know.  I may not have all the answers, but I can listen and help where I can.  If you would like my personal email where you could talk more privately, let me know.

Hugs, Sunny