This is a difficult subject for me because I am not a parent. I am a special ed teacher, and I have worked with two year olds in the past 12 years. I'm currently working on my Master's in special education and hope to graduate this coming fall. I want to work with children of special needs. This summer, I will be doing my practicum and working with Jr. High and high school students. A big change for me, since I'm used to working with early childhood children.
I also in some ways have became a parent to my younger brother when he was having a difficult time in his life. He was 14-15 at the time, smoked a pack a day. He would fight with our mom. At times, being the big sister, I've stepped in between my mom and my little brother. I had to physically break up the fighting between the two of them. I was so angry at my mom. Because she was not being the parent. I had to calm her down and talk to her about how to deal with my brother. There was a lot of conflict and stress in the house at that time. I was home at times on spring break, summer from college. I was trying to make my mark in the world and trying very hard to make it out on my own. I too had a difficult teenage life. My mother had a anger issue too, my father was busy working and often gone overseas. He also drank a lot. The drinking was to relieve the stress from work and his marriage. I was able to move on and have some peace with my father and my mother. My parents got divorced in my junior year of college. This was at least 26 years ago.
Now my little brother is almost 37 years old and is in a correctional facility with a felon for having a sexual assult and a relationship with a minor. It breaks my heart and I wished that things were different for him at the time he was a teenager. But I can't live the past.
My suggestion is that to be patient and pray. Listen to your teenager. My mother was so busy being so angry at the world, that she took it out on me. (Verbal abuse). Similiar to the show about a parent that is angry at her children aired not too long ago. My father had more patience, but not much time to really be there for me. He was going through a lot of stress in his marriage and he just shut himself down. One day, he made the move, filed for a divorce and moved out. That was when I was about to be a freshman in 1982. The divorce was final around 1985-1986. Today, my father and I have a great father-daughter relationship. My relationship with my mother took more time. We've talked, but it took more work and a lot of trust.
Seek suggestions from a school counselor, someone from church. It's hard for me, but I feel the concern and the need that your son is seeking for attention and is acting this way to get attention. My father had a lot to deal with when my brother was getting himself into negative situations. My father is still trying to help my brother. I guess no matter how old you are, you are always a parent and that you want the best for your child. No matter what crime he/she has done.
From the teacher's point of view, I try to listen to my student's (children) listen to what they are really saying to you. I take the time to talk to them at least 5 minutes a day. I tell a 2 year old, that I'm talking to John Doe, wait your turn." Take the time to talk and listen to the parents. They've asked me what to do if their child misbehaves. I can only suggest, I tell them to have another plan, in case plan A didn't work.
I would suggest talking to your child's teacher(s). Be proactive, ask them if there are any ideas, suggestions that you can do to help your son. Be patient and a good listener. Try not to critiicize. Colloborate with the teachers, administrators, ask for a counselor.
Your child's education is important and I feel that once they have a chance to sit down and really talk about what is going on, your son may open up and trust you.
Man this is difficult. I feel like I am reliving my brother's life when he was a teenager and what my mother and father could have done. I wished that my parents took the time to talk to him. Talk to him at a relaxed time, just say."I'd like to talk to you, sometime soon, maybe after practice?" When that time comes, be calm, don't critiicize listen!! Be honest and tell the truth. We as a family, except for my father, went to family counseling. We had to listen and not interupt the other person while they were talking. It was then that we were able to move on. Even though there was a lot of hurt, anger that came out in family therapy. I am suggesting that family therapy may help.
I'm sure that every teenager would want to feel good about talking and being honest with their parents. As for my brother, he has no desire to talk or visit my mother. I do not blame him, for all of the hurt that he has gone through. Yet he is just as stubborn, he has a lot of anger himself that he has not been able to let go of. My brother hs a good relationship with our father. We are both adopted, I was adopted first, then we adopted my brother in 1971 when he was 14 months old. When I mention our parents, I'm speaking of our adopted parents. Good luck and I too will pray for your son.
