Replies to '04/04 Ask Dr. Phil about Parenting'

Wow!  I was taught that money does not grow on trees.  I was taught that I had to earn things.  Just because I wanted a piece of candy in the grocery store, and mom said, "no".  NO meant NO.  Mom did not care if I threw the biggest tantrum.  All mom had to do was to say NO and give me the look. 

I was wondering if this started when your daughter was younger, wanting things that she could not have.  And you gave in because buying material things would make her happy, made you happy and just to have a quiet child?  Even if your life was a mess? 

I remember as young as seven years old.  I had my first allowance.  My mother took the time to help me make a chart.  Explaining to me tha value of money.  Do you do this?  I was seven!!  I had to save a dollar, I had a dollar to put in the offerring at church, I had a dollar each day for lunch money ($5.00) , I dollar for Girl Scouts, and I had a dollar to spend on what ever I wanted.  Now that  was about $9.00.  If I wanted a toy or candy.  I'd ask, "Mom can I have this?"  Mom would respond, "Do you have enough for your allowance?"  I f I did not have enough money from my allowance, I was encouraged to save.  Or neogiate with my mother/father.  "I will borrow $1.00 from you and I will pay you back, Or I need to save $2.00, so I can purchase this next time.  I would plead and beg, like ALL children do.  The main thing, mom held her foot down and NO meant NO!

I would leave with my parents whimpering, sulking, etc.  Until my mother told me to stop it. 

As I grew older, my alllowance increased.  My the age of 12,  I was doing small chores around the house to earn money.  Such as extra load of laundry, baby sitting, paper route, recycling, etc.  I also learned that we work for money.  (Example, people earn a living by becoming a doctor and receive a check.) 

We learned that we have work to do to help the community.  The community consisted of the household.  Chores had to be done such as keeping our rooms clean, laundry, cooking dinner, grocery shopping, taking care of our pets, helping in the community such as working in a soup kitchen, a nurserying home.  This is work that is done and we do not get a pay check, we do this out of personal satisifaction.

As I grew older age of sixteen, mom said, "No more allowance, You can find a part time job after school."  Since then I have been working and realized if I wanted clothes, CD's, videos, go to the movies, etc.  This came out of my pay check.  When I was home for college.  I paid rent, paid for part of the groceries and some of the bills. 

I did not own my first car, until I was married at the age of 22, had to pay for my car insurance, rent, bills, etc.  Just being married, we've saved our money.  Ten years later, we bought our first home. 

I've kept an accounting record.  Today, I keep track on how much money I spend, what I've spent it on and how much I save.  I vaulable lesson that my mother and father took the time to teach me.  I wish that more parents  do this.  Children grow up expecting this and that.  Just because their peers have the latest pair of jeans, does not mean I had them.  Unless I was willing to buy them with my allowance money. 

I do not think it is too late for you to set the rules to your daughter about money.   YES she would be unhappy, get angry, hate you, etc.  But come on, who is the parent?  Is she working part time, helping you make ends meet?  I'm sure you are a one income family.  Are there other children in the house?  Is it fair to them?  Do they expect the same? 

Children who grow up learning the value of money are more appreciative of the material things that they have and they take better care of it.