Replies to 'Childhood Sexual Abuse Support'

Your emotions are completely normal for your situation.  However, some points I think should be made:

*The term 'damaged' should not be tossed around lightly, but you should find a way to see the truth in it.  Both you and your daughter HAVE been 'damaged' by this!  Your lives will never be the same again and your child's innosence is GONE.  There has been damage done...some not yet seen.

*Not sure of your daughters age but in my opinion...trying to protect her by not bringing this to trial sends her a mixed message.  A.  You are ashamed for folks to know and therefore she should be ashamed.  B.  She will blame herself (now or later) anyway, but by putting the shame out there like an elephant in the room will be 'proof' to her that it's all her fault.  20 years from now she may not remember how angry you are rite now, but she will know that you didn't bring him to trial.  How will she interpret that?  That she wasn't worth it?  That what he did wasn't 'that bad'?  SHE DESERVES her 'day in court' so to speak...she deserves to have this man put away for what he did to her and if trial is the only way to get him there...so be it.  And screw the 'small community'...let them think what they will cuz they WILL find out...sooner or later and if they find you 'wrong' for bringing him to trial...you don't need them!

I don't blame you for your anger at your husband but what did his family have to do with it?  Why are you wishing bad on THEM?   Hatred is keeping you strong?  Sorry but hatred destroys, not builds strength.  ANGER keeps you strong.  Injustice keeps you strong.  Even in some cases, revenge can keep you strong.  And your best revenge is to put this man away...take his a$$ to jail and have him put away for the maximum amount of time possible! 

The closeness with your daughter that you miss?  It sounds like you want to talk to her about this...like a friend?  She can't do that!  She is feeling guilt and shame and responsibility and her own anger and confusion.  She needs to lean on you, not hold you up.  Coming here and talking to us is much better than trying to talk to her!  She feels she took your husband from you.  She destroyed the 'family'.  Things will never be 'the same'.  She feels responsible for this and guilt and shame about it.  Best thing for you to do is try to keep daily life as 'normal' as possible.  Give her an extra hug now and then but treat her as 'normal' as possible.  Let her know you are there to talk to about ANYTHING...but don't push.  And take the S.O.B. to trial!!!

You asked for our advise and prayers.  This is my advise and I will send up the prayers.  I am a survivor so I speak from 'her side' of things.  I hope I didn't offend you.

Hugs, Sunny