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Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'
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October 12, 2005, 12:14 pm PDT
 Quote From: ikanbhappy I try to go back and pinpoint where it all went wrong for me but I can't come up with any specific moment. Everything I came up with all points to me not feeling like I fit, me wanting to be different, me never being satisfied with myself. I need to figure that out because it is not allowing me to be the authentic me.
Why I here is because I have a great girlfriend that has tried so hard to make me happy but no matter what she does, I never seem to ackknowledge it. I always want more from her. I always pick stupid fight with her about how much she tells me she loves me, which is never enough for me. I fight with her about going out with her friends, about her past relationships(that I can't seem to get over,and mine is far worse than hers) and just stupid knit-picky stuff that could really be left alone.
We have some great moments of pure happiness, that is why we are together. There was a time when we met that I was happy with myself and she saw (and had for a little while) the best of me. Thats what she fell in love with. Thats what I want to be again. i left where I was living to be with her thinking I would start a new part of my life that would give me greater happiness. It is not working out that way. I took a crappy job and was instatly crabby. She did her best to help me through but like I said, it was never good enough for me. i have pushed her away and I need to figure myself out so I can make our relationship work, if that is even possible anymore. She is burnt out and I don't blame her.
How do I fix my low self-confidence? I had it for a while in our relationship. I need it back, not just for the sake of us, but for me.
I know this is kind of rambled out there but I am a mess. Thanks
Is it possible that deep inside, you don't feel lovable? So when your girlfriend tells you that she loves you, somewhere inside you're saying "yeah right! that's a lie." Is it possible that somewhere along the line you got the idea that what you're doing, what you are, is not good enough? That you should be trying to be something or someone you're not, and so you don't feel like you "fit" and am never satisfied with yourself? Wouldn't it be sad if eventually, you convinced your girlfriend that you really ARE unlovable, unworthy, not good enough, and she left you? It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to listen to the crap in your head telling you you're unworthy. "Trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong" has not been much help for you, but maybe you just need a little guidance. Or a new perspective. Dr Phil's book SELF MATTERS is all about getting to your authentic self, and learning to live your life without the negative self image, negative self talk, faulty conclusions and flawed decision making processes that got you where you are today. On the way to finding the authentic you, you discover confidence you never knew you had, and a capacity for self love that allows you to truly love and respect others. Most of us here have gone through the book and allowed it to change our lives, others of us are going through it now. Join us, what have you got to lose? |
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May 23, 2006, 6:59 pm PDT
Quote From: ikanbhappy I try to go back and pinpoint where it all went wrong for me but I can't come up with any specific moment. Everything I came up with all points to me not feeling like I fit, me wanting to be different, me never being satisfied with myself. I need to figure that out because it is not allowing me to be the authentic me.
Why I here is because I have a great girlfriend that has tried so hard to make me happy but no matter what she does, I never seem to ackknowledge it. I always want more from her. I always pick stupid fight with her about how much she tells me she loves me, which is never enough for me. I fight with her about going out with her friends, about her past relationships(that I can't seem to get over,and mine is far worse than hers) and just stupid knit-picky stuff that could really be left alone.
We have some great moments of pure happiness, that is why we are together. There was a time when we met that I was happy with myself and she saw (and had for a little while) the best of me. Thats what she fell in love with. Thats what I want to be again. i left where I was living to be with her thinking I would start a new part of my life that would give me greater happiness. It is not working out that way. I took a crappy job and was instatly crabby. She did her best to help me through but like I said, it was never good enough for me. i have pushed her away and I need to figure myself out so I can make our relationship work, if that is even possible anymore. She is burnt out and I don't blame her.
How do I fix my low self-confidence? I had it for a while in our relationship. I need it back, not just for the sake of us, but for me.
I know this is kind of rambled out there but I am a mess. Thanks
Yes you can be loved, but you do have to realize that you are good enough, you need to be yourself, if you don't like you! ( which I think is what is your problem) you must search and find you! Sounds silly but so true! Whether you figure it out, the "what makes me not like me"? You could start realizing that today is the present, tomorrow is yet to be and yesterday can not be changed, accept what, who you are, and grow! You must grow in the todays! Accept your self, learn to love yourself! But if you abuse anyone, get help, as you could be dangerous! If you are unable to accept who you are, and are not trusting people then you should get help! You may not to find out who you really are, as you may disappoint yourself, but we all go through that period, we do find ourselves, the acceptance is the hard part! Begin each day as a new day, smell the rain! or grass clippings, left over odor of leaves, water over the falls, relax and see who you are! and Accept it, change the things you need to, and live with the ones you cannot change! Good Luck and God Be With You! |
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