Message Boards
Replies to 'I Want to Adopt'
|
April 10, 2008, 7:16 pm PDT
 Quote From: untbunny My dear. You appear to be at a difficult stage in life. Your post requested advice on how to tell family about your decision to adopt? May I give you my suggestion? You are concerned the father may object to adoption. It would be in your best interest to gain his support. Some states do not require paternal consent for adoption placement. However, he does deserve to be a part of the decision and may provide valuble support during this time.
On informing your family....Your post suggests you are 20 with one child. How would you tell them that you plan to keep the child? What do you suppose would be the first questions? Money? Living arrangement? Education? Future stability? The questions you believe the family would pose if you keep the baby could be used to decide (and later explain) if you decide on placement. For example: Family-I'm sure you are all concerned about the future for the baby I am carrying. I assure you that his/her future is all that I've thought about for several months. After much thought, I have decided to place the baby for these reasons....... then cover the questions mentioned above....... Ask the family for support explaining that this is a very difficult decision that you must make. Their support will be precious during the time and greatly appreciated. The converse is also appropriate should you decide to parent the child. You would want to explain your decision to the above questions.
If appropriate for your situation explain you are seeking an open adoption. This would allow you and BF to be active participants in the selection process and also maintain contact with the baby and family. If agreed to before placement, you and grandparents, etc. could maintain contact with the child through phone, letters, and visits.
This is certainly a difficult discussion that must take place regardless of decision. My heart goes to you and BF. Be confident in your decision. May you find the peace and clarity necessary to make such a difficult decision. Peace be with you. that may sound strange but tell someone who frankly will have little to no effect on the decision of what ever happens. It can be the guidance counclor at school your 3rd grade teacher or a old school friend parent you still see but don't really keep in touch with. fill them in and ask them to come with you to tell your parent. They will help. One they will help keep your parents from blowing up. And then they might be able to say things a person from the ouside can say seeing only by looking looking on the out side. If you include only people who will be 2 feet from the decision then how can the big picture be seen? Be ready for the hard questions. And tell then if you don't know the answers that you don't know but tell then you will find out and give a dead line on when you will know the answer. Tell your child's father with your parents together or at least face to face. He may not have rights now but he will later. He will have just as many as you if he wants them. Right now you are the one with all the power (like it or not) and you have alot of decisions to make for yourself and this baby. Ask lots of questions. Remeber the power of 3 (If you hear it from 3 or more people it is most likely true) and trust your gut. good luck and god bless. |
|
Return to the Message Board
