Replies to '04/11 Women Beware!'

In most of my relationships, I refused to lend money. One time I did and fortunately, God had his hand of blessing on me,  we ended up breaking up and he paid EVERY penny back. He borrowed $4000 for a new engine. Thank you God for protecting me.

If you surf online long enough, like this poster shared, you will recognize the same old pick up lines.

If a man (or woman) has a hard time with communication or is shy, he (or she) could take a speech class at the local community college ($150 to $500) or check out Toastmasters. Michael O'Shannesy (sp?) recommends Toastmasters in his Millennium Woman book. He attended this and went from, I think stuttering, to being a GREAT speaker. It helped him to build an amazing business and it also helped his personal life. I have met him and heard him speak, he was a regular guest as a special school I worked for. He does a lot of awesome things for the community. He is a tri-athlete too. He was into a rough life and made an amazing turnaround and now helps thousands of women improve themselves. Even though he wrote that book for women, if a man took his advice and followed his plan, they would be working towards an awesome life and would probably find it easy to find a wonderful woman to marry (and then have great sex with after marriage).

I personally chose to dump, quite quickly, any man in my past who started to use the compliment punishment game. When a man gives a woman a compliment and then tries to "knock" her down, it left me with an "off center" gut feeling - like "whoa, what just happened? Mood swing for him?"

One time, I dated a man who seemed fantastic, but after some awesome dates including one where he made a tasty homemade Italian candlelight dinner, he said something about me that was a subtle knock. I ended things immediately but I wondered for awhile if I made the right decision. We both married other people shortly thereafter. A few years later, he was mad at his wife and he wrote me this venting email. Everything he complained about were things that I am not always "perfect" about either. He said she complained about the same things that I would have complained about too. She also has a small toddler underfoot and so did I, so I could see her "side" more than his side which I considered a bit harsh. I replied back that she had a small child underfoot and she probably needed his support not nastiness and frustration. Being a woman myself, I could guarantee that if he said the things to me in the email to her out loud in a fight - which he admitted he did - that it would only make things worse.

Ultimately, I was thankful that we broke up. Sometimes men will play the push/pull game with children of their dates too - I refuse to be around (in the presence of) people who are like that with children either. I was a teacher and good teachers, for instance, usually are kind/open/honest/available to help with their students. Teachers are not supposed to put students down and they do not play the available/not available game. I do not want to be in a relationship with someone who insults or plays games.

I would recommend getting a background check on someone before marriage. I do not believe in sex before marriage due to my belief and faith in Jesus. However, if an adult is going to get serious with someone whether it is to be engaged, married, have children, have sex - peoplelookup.com can do some nice background checks.

Additionally, for those who are just looking for one night stands - CONDOMS DO NOT PROTECT AGAINST GENITAL HERPES OR GENITAL WARTS. Lots of people have genital herpes. I would recommend that everyone who reads this specifically asks for the Herpes simplex 1 (oral) and 2 (genital) test EVEN if you have never had any symptoms. I know of a man who slept with over 40 woman and had genital herpes at the base of his penis, where the condom does not cover, so basically he probably infected quite a few. He thought it was jock itch the whole time, for the last 20 years.

If you have slept with 2 or more people, get tested, and ask for the blood test for it. This is not included in the typical STD screening at the ob/gyn or the planned parenthood or state run health places. It is a specific blood test that must be requested. If you have not requested it specifically, then you probably have not been tested. There are over 50 million cases in the US and lots of people have it and do not know it.  Cold sores are usually caused by Herpes 1 and irritation in the genital can be caused by herpes 2. People shed at various times WITH NO SYMPTOMS so you cannot tell if they are shedding or not, so it is not something you can "see." Women can have it internally.

I would not recommend picking up a spouse at a bar. I would not recommend having sex with someone who drinks a lot and frequents bars because they probably have herpes or warts. If they don't think so, they have probably have not been tested.

I was told that the best place to meet a spouse is doing an activity or helping out at a cause that I was interested in. This is a GREAT recommendation because if you meet someone doing an activity you are interested in, then it is common ground and it was not faked (unless it is their first time and they just "tried" it).

Some people have recommended to me when I was single to meet someone in church or at college. These are also good options; however, I would make sure that they were "really involved" in the church or their education because at Joyce Meyers says "I can sit in a garage all day and it won't make me a car" so someone can sit in a church and not be a Christian or they can hang out at college and even take a few courses but not be "good husband material."

The advice I will give me daughter will include telling her to serve God, pray for her future spouse, and allow God to bring him to her. I would tell her that he needs to be a Christian who "walks the talk" who is aware of spiritual bondage, generational curses, the power of prayer, etc. I will tell her if she seeks God first that He will supply all her needs including the right husband if that is one of the desires of her heart. I will also teach her about soul ties and train her up to believe in purity and to expect it from her future husband. If we walk with God & believe in Jesus BEFORE we choose our spouses and actually let God choose him instead of trying to "find him" or "force" something now [wait on the Lord], I promise that the relationship will be better than anything we could arrange ourselves without God's guidance.