Quote From: momakababesee I'll be curious to see what doctor phil has to say tomorrow but I don't think it looks good here at all.......This is a piece from the end of the last show and even after admitting his behavior is "abuse" and having the effects of a narcissistic abuser spelled out in front of him and admiting that they defy what he says he was trying to do "motivate her to lose weight" being told he's beeing "justifying the abuse " if he's lead by words or set up he goes right back into how it's her fault and how she's made him do the things he's done because she's just not "up to his standards" and it's not because he's arrogant but he just doesn't think she can change...... This is just the tip of it and it was pretty hard to watch. Doctor Phil doesn't hold out much hope that he's going to change because Narcissists just don't see that they are in the wrong and/or they will just continue to justify or pass the responsibility to others. Like me now. :) I was so ill by the end of the show I literally had to go to the gym to work it off! Seems I've disturbed him now and ummm that's ok. Perhaps he's PO'd at me because Karen's listened and is insisting on deposting her own pay check and he's lost some of that control? I hope so! Anyway I'm sure they'll play clips from the last show and here is just the end piece......
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Dr. Phil tells Rick, Im trying to educate you, and Im telling you that this is abuse, and your level of insight is very low Youve spent the entire time justifying it. Despite the fact that there are terrible results, you think youre right. Youre right; shes just too dumb to get it. I mean, if shed just perk up a little and get with the program, you could just lead everybody out of this maze.
I dont want to come right out and say that, but yeah, Rick says. And I dont say that to be arrogant. Its just the truth. You cant change somebody, you know?
Thats my fear, that you cant change somebody, because youre the one that Id want to be changing, Dr. Phil tells him. Let me tell you: Youre going to do exactly the same thing to your children as youre doing to her, and theyre going to grow up as broken spirits.
I dont think so. I love my children, he says.
Yeah, you loved her too, Dr. Phil points out. He offers to arrange some counseling for them individually. He tells Karen, I think youve got to get centered up before you make decisions about what you want to do ... Theres a whole lot of complexity that goes into this issue, and I want you to have someone to help you, without him banging on you from the side. If I make those resources available to you, will you embrace them?
I sure will, Karen says.
Rick accepts as well. Ill do anything that I need to do to change, he says.
You seem so wrapped up in this story that you can't see that there is an update... while there are no doubt issues that this couple will still need to attend to through on-going therapy to maintain and expand on their successes thus far... I hardly think that it is helpful to Karen to have her choices and focus questioned by the likes of you. It would seem to me that they are working (notice the suffix indicating that it is an on-going process) very hard on the relationship. Karen probably doesn't require any further abuse on these boards by having someone tear apart her decision, rake up the past (we all can review the last show they were on as well as the message boards from then) and presume to know if Rick is capable of change. This also assumes that Karen is not capable of change, that she can't require more of her hubby and learn that she is worthy. Their councellor seems to think that they are doing well and are learning new behaviors together, maybe we could take her opinion of the situation rather than that of strangers with computer access.
My deepest hope and prayer is that Karen, Rick and the children have a happy, healthy, supportive future.
Keep up the Good work,
