Quote From: upatnightYou seem so wrapped up in this story that you can't see that there is an update... while there are no doubt issues that this couple will still need to attend to through on-going therapy to maintain and expand on their successes thus far... I hardly think that it is helpful to Karen to have her choices and focus questioned by the likes of you. It would seem to me that they are working (notice the suffix indicating that it is an on-going process) very hard on the relationship. Karen probably doesn't require any further abuse on these boards by having someone tear apart her decision, rake up the past (we all can review the last show they were on as well as the message boards from then) and presume to know if Rick is capable of change. This also assumes that Karen is not capable of change, that she can't require more of her hubby and learn that she is worthy. Their councellor seems to think that they are doing well and are learning new behaviors together, maybe we could take her opinion of the situation rather than that of strangers with computer access.
My deepest hope and prayer is that Karen, Rick and the children have a happy, healthy, supportive future.
Keep up the Good work,
My deepest hope and prayer is that Karen and her children can escape it all. There's no "abuse" of Karen though the questioning of her decision to stay isn't without reason or concern because the average wife of an abuser will think to leve many times before making an attempt and they'll make serval attempts before breaking free. The emotional and verbal abuser often makes their wife/SO feel they're to blame and they feel shame and failure at their marriage not working. This is especially true when they're in "counseling and the abuser is vowing "to do all he/she can to fix this marriage". When I say this is "classic" it's because it IS CLASSIC. And it is so much so that these things become part of numbered things to look for etc.
Yes I do think she has the ability to heal the emotional wounds of what Rick has done to her. But she can't heal unless she sees the reality of who and what Rick is. It takes a long time for the abused to see that there isn't anything they did that didn't "deserve" their treatment. And/or there wasn't anything they did to "provoke it". etc. Pointing out the facts and the "how to get away" isn't abuse but just knowledge to get away when she needs it.
Given the facts of all that's written from professionals and from the abused the idea of staying with him and "trying to work it out" means that there simply has to be in place a back up plan in case her judgement was in error. And so real change means that things in place for protection should be seen as a life preserver and not a threat. If there is true intention of change on the part of the abuser they shouldn't see protection in the way of money stashed some where and an emergency go pack as a threat because the abused wouldn't need to flee &/or there isn't an emergency unless it's *created*.
just facts and pointing out of what Rick is and wha't s happening even as he claims he's "trying to change" they're just facts and not mine. I can and will continue to post them. They're something to hold onto if she finds herself being told "You're crazy" or if things turn back around and go ugly fast.
Are you a relative of Ricks?
Telling Karen she should be taking back her power now isn't an attempt to undermind what he *says* he's doing in threapy but to allow her some power over her life back. He should be greeting that with open arms if his true intentions is to "fix the marriage".
