Replies to '08/05 Fat Abusers'

My EX-fiance once saw the commercial where the girl pulls out oversized pants and says, 'I lost this much weight!'  He said 'That's where you need to go.'  I said you get a penis extension and I'll think about it!

Shut him up!

Thirty years ago I looked pretty good too...but time will take its toll on us.

What I've learned is to make small changes...and these small changes have led to big changes. I walk more; I eat less, and I make better food choices. I divert myself with hobbies and reaching out to others. I have not...and will not..go on any crash diet because diets do NOT work. You may lose a few pounds in the short term, but what is long-term effective is life-style  changes....one step at a time.

I'm sure your divorce has resulted in some depression...and that can lead to comforting with food until it becomes a mindless habit. But you can change that pattern...and, if you truly want to, you will.

What is destructive to change is beating yourself up. It's worse than someone else doing that to you because you can't ever get away from yourself.  Love yourself enough to take those first steps and you will be amazed at what can happen....a few prayers can't hurt either.

Dr. Phil's book "The Ultimate Weight Solution" really is a great place to start! You can probably find it on ebay at a reasonable price.

Get moving....today, and right now....and good luck!

Doctor Phil has some great books that may be able to help you.   I know he's got weight lose books out there but you may find it more of a help to read/ use "Life Strategies"  or "self Matters" etc.   People don't realize the damage that can be done to *children* of parents who are verbally abusive to each other or to them and so maybe there's some issues for you there if you feel you are your own "fat abuser".   He had said to Karen & Rick in the first show they appeared in (& he's correct) that aa narcissist will leave their abuse victim criticising and ridiculing themself in the absence of the verbal abuser.  Perhaps this is the case with you.  Have you thought of seeing a therapist to talk to?  Or maybe try journaling?  These are good tools to help uncover why you're so tough on yourself and yet setting yourself up for failure etc.  "I do not expect to ever be that thin".   you're looking at something that to you is not obtainable but how about what IS obtainable?  I think you're saying things to yourself you think others are feeling and "making jokes about your fat" as a way to get past the pain that would come if/when others would do those things to you.  Like when we're need to take off a bandaid and we anticipate the sting of ripping hair.  Some people will go soak it to try to minimize the pain and then some will just go real slow and then some are just going to rip it from the skin to "get it over with" because any method is going to bring some pain. 

I don't think you should just go dieting and exercising without exploring the emotional reasons by you're punishing yourself.  Even if it is through private journaling to figure out the why you're doing what you're doing.  And if you're looking for a "friendship" try meeting and making a friend as you're going through your weight loss because then they're sharing the same issues etc.  Or maybe a really good trainer....;)  

Oh man, can I relate.  I do that to myself all the time in my head in front of a mirror.  It's like a taped recording or broken record (or in this day and age, a broken Mp3...ha ha).  I don't know if it's residual anorexia trying to sink its talons back in me, or depression but  I think it stems from my own anxiety and self-consciousness that I have to change how I look at things.  I'm negative about myself, and as momakababe said, it helps to write down your thoughts and go to a therapist that specializes in anxiety and depression...because I think you probably have a fair share of both ( I recognize a bit of me in your post).

As for saying things that you think other people think about you, my therapist said that it's called "fortune telling".  You try to guess what other people are perceiving about you, assuming it's all negative and try to use the defense mechanism of rejecting yourself first.  Odds are they're probably thinking about other things besides your weight, you just don't know what people think about.

As for losing the weight, small goals work best.  It's unrealistic to think you can go back to the way you were 30 yrs ago overnight, so you just start small and work your way through easy, realistic goals.  That goes for socializing also (you may have some Social Anxiety also), but small goals will work there also.  Living well is the BEST revenge.